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Posted by: SLITS Mar 31 2012, 09:06 AM

It’s that time of year for the 24th? Version of the G&R All 914 Rusty Parts Swap Meet and Animal Flesh Roasting Festival. We offer you the opportunity to spread your unwanted rusty junk in our parking lot and try to convince someone to spend their money on your self perceived valuable crap. Be aware that Slits and Mr. Abrasive will be roaming the crowd and judging the lack of quality of your rusty shit. You’ll be surprised at how cheap your shit is.
The date shall be Sunday, May 6, 2012. Quite an accomplishment as I never thought I would live this long. This date has been approved by the PCA as if we give a shit.

The address is 2727 Kansas Ave, Riverside, CA., 92507.

GPS co-ordinates are:

33 degrees, 59 minutes, 20 seconds North
117 degrees, 21 minutes, 26.30 seconds West

Elevation is 891’ above sea level so tune your car accordingly.

If you don’t understand the above, we are of no help.

In the long standing tradition of the “Used to be Dunkels”, LA Euro Show, German Auto Fest and a few others, we will be charging for various services. See list of fees below.

Of note this year will be Glenn Sager’s yet unfinished Baby Shit Green (Delphi Green) 3.0 conversion. For the last few months he has been concentrating on polishing all the little screws and has not had time for engine assembly. Now, if I could just get Mickey914 to send a windshield to dash seal we might even install the windshield. Fortunately, the windshield to dash seal doesn’t require any screws or that would be delayed at least another year.

President Obama has declined our offer to attend and convince us why ObamaCare is the best thing since sliced bread. Instead he is sending Hillary Clinton whom we will use for a target in our favorite game of Feces Slinging. We feel it may improve her looks.

Jay Leno will also not be attending. When he found out that we had rolled the Enzo into the parking lot, doused it with gasoline and burned it in effigy to Fiat, he became quite upset. I think the real reason is that his makeup team was tied up for the event day.

Jim Lamonica will not be flying his helicopter in again. He participated in a recreation of the Desert Storm Hostage Rescue and sucked to much sand into his filters thereby killing any chance of flightworthy status. He should have consulted the Gov’t teams of experts that screwed up the first one.

Gate will be opened at about 6 AM. Please do not try to talk to Slits as he may have a real bad attitude after getting up at 4 AM to open the gates. That is probably an oxymoron as he has a bad attitude anyway.

We have redone the approach, but the angle is a bit steep, thanks to the wonderful City of Riverside rules (hereafter known as “Pig Hollow”, for lowered cars. You may come with a muffler or front valence, but you may not leave with them attached. It’s really to bad that we did this as my supply of assdragger parts has dwindled and I was so looking forward to collecting more at the gate.

For those that are so inclined, the Right Reverend Meier will be holding services in the Unisex bathroom. All denominationS are accepted, however, those with Franklin on the front are preferable. Skull caps, Rosaries and Prayer Rugs will be available for free, but are in short supply and are on a first come, first serve basis. If direly needed you can “buddy up” with someone. Services will be held in the Abenaki language in honor of our non-visiting Canuck neighbors.

The CGBC members are especially welcome, however, we know they can’t read, write or speak so this sentence is useless.

Following are the fees associated with this momentous event:

1.) Gate Entry ………. FREE (unless you drive an assdragger or are a member of the Gold Chain, Whine and Cheese crowd). You can load your vehicle with as many illegal aliens as you see fit. If they are all male, you will be charged $2500 a head. If they are all females and pretty, we will give you a pass for a donation of at least one.
2.) Parking ………….. FREE (all the nails and foreign objects your tires pickup are FREE too .. fixing a flat is very costly at Slits Asshole Garage.
3.) Swap Spaces …….. FREE, but you have to clean up your own mess. Roll Offs are available for those priceless parts that didn’t sell. Pick up your own trash as we provide receptacles for same for FREE.
4.) Lies and Insults …. FREE, but if you complain we will charge you or remove you from the property.
5.) The Feast ………... $5.00 donation per mouth is requested. If not paid, we will hunt you down and beat you senseless (which if you showed up to this event you probably left your brains at home anyway).
6.) Personal Facilities.. FREE, but if you clog the toilet, we charge for use of the plunger. If you feel this is unfair, bring your own plunger or bucket (and take it home with you with the contents intact). It is a Unisex facility so be kind to your fellow participant. If two of you are in at the same time, we really don’t want to know about it. Please keep your screams of delight to a minimum.
7.) Video ……………. $20.00 Please note the facility is under 24 hour video surveillance. If you wish copies of your antics, please notify G or R. If not paid, your video will be posted on various boards and UTube so the world can rightfully laugh out loud at you.
8.) Anything Else …… $1,000,000. We may be easy, but we are certainly not cheap (and we are damn good).

I think this about covers all of the associated fees except for seller fees which are 50% of your take. If you don’t pay, Bubba will be on hand to make sure we get what is rightfully ours and he will take what he thinks is his.


. The Menu …
Breakfast: For you early arrivals, we will have an assortment of grease and sugar in the form of swelled circles and bars. Additionally, we will provide a colloidal suspension of oils with dark coloring otherwise known as coffee. It will be brewed and served by the most beautiful woman in the universe, so please tip accordingly.

Lunch: Well, we won’t change this very much. You will have your choice of burgers, bratwurst and weenies. Buns are included and so are the condiments that you can spread as you like. We purchase only the finest beef from Food 4 Less, bratwurst from Cantor’s and the weenies, well; we don’t really know or care where they came from. If you have special needs, keep them to yourself ‘cause we don’t give a damn. You’ll get it the way we like it …. This ain’t Burger King and you can’t have it your way.

For those of you that just can’t stand to be away from cheese, we will have some on hand that can be melted onto the animal flesh of your choice on request.

Dinner: Hah, we don’t serve dinner. You can scrounge the leftovers if you are particularly famished, but we won’t guarantee the quality or quantity.

Drinks will include water and soda. Anything else, you bring. If you get out of control, we will take advantage of you. If you find our personal stash of whiskey and beer, don’t touch it or Jim Burke will kick the shit outta ya.

This event is held regardless of rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog, fire or even if the sun is shining. We have adopted the Post Office Guidelines and carry large weapons. Don’t piss us off.

Glenn and I (Ron) hope you will be able to make it. Slits and Professor 914 don’t give a shit if you show up or not so avoid them at all possible times. We have a new personality that you will want to avoid “Mr. Abrasive”. He is well known to attack at any moment and wears many disguises.

Posted by: Aaron Cox Mar 31 2012, 09:32 AM

i r literatt now. no lunger inn Corrona. Just bill and craig now

See you soon old fart!

Posted by: SLITS Mar 31 2012, 09:47 AM

Moved to the East Side huh?

Posted by: sixnotfour Mar 31 2012, 09:54 AM

I guess I had better make this one, So you don't sell my parts for storage fee's.

Posted by: 76-914 Mar 31 2012, 10:51 AM

Wouldn't miss it. Is Santa, er Elliot coming, too.

Posted by: Elliot Cannon Mar 31 2012, 12:02 PM

I'll be at the WCR. Sorry to miss it. Great timing.

Posted by: jim_hoyland Mar 31 2012, 02:52 PM

Posted by: SLITS Mar 31 2012, 06:59 PM

Damn ... two of you bitchin' on this board. I'll talk to Glenn and see if the date can be moved a week out.

Oh well ................

Posted by: Elliot Cannon Mar 31 2012, 09:58 PM

Not bitchin'. I can understand how you could think nothing was happening that weekend. They have been very secretive about the dates of the WCR.

Posted by: jim_hoyland Mar 31 2012, 09:59 PM

Posted by: euro911 Apr 1 2012, 03:42 AM

WCR is the same w/e?

I'll be there (G&R, not WCR). Will you have time to a front trunk section for me ahead of time, honorable Professor? ... or ...

Do I need to bring anything (& don't say, yeah, the wife)

Posted by: SLITS Apr 1 2012, 07:40 AM

I don't remember you asking me for a front trunk section. Need full construction plans ...

Sorry I ignored the WCC as I wasn't planning on going and didn't pay attention to the dates. Route 66 & Red Rocks are my choice because ... well, it doesn't matter.

Posted by: euro911 Apr 1 2012, 12:36 PM

Remember when I came out to get the brake line from the blue car?

Hey, getting old is a bitch. First the eyes go, then the good looks, and finally the memory takes a



http://www.914world.com/bbs2/index.php?showtopic=168881&hl=

Posted by: SLITS Apr 1 2012, 08:40 PM

DATE CHANGE TO MAY 6, 2012

We don't want to interfere with the WCR so Glenn & I decided to change the date. Hopefully this is fine with everyone.

Posted by: Elliot Cannon Apr 2 2012, 12:22 PM

It's more than fine with me Ron. I appreciate the date change very much. See you on the 6th.
Cheers, Elliot

Posted by: boogie_man Apr 2 2012, 02:59 PM

IN !!!!!

Posted by: euro911 Apr 2 2012, 06:39 PM

Maybe it would be a good idea to start posting some of your 'Wants' so we all knows what to bring

http://www.914world.com/bbs2/index.php?showtopic=179354


I Need:

* 8 long domed-type lug bolts for alloys (Bruce Stone?)

Posted by: sean_v8_914 Apr 3 2012, 07:10 AM

bummer. that's the PCASDR Performance driving school weekend

Posted by: 914-300Hemi Apr 3 2012, 10:47 PM

Great guys and a great time. I plan on attending this great event.

Posted by: Beach914 Apr 4 2012, 09:22 AM

Good, You (Ron) and I can talk about finding the right 2.4 for my project.

I've also got some pieces from the scrapped out 73 to bring out. Gas tank, Front end, shocks, etc.

Looking forward to the event.

Posted by: pete000 Apr 4 2012, 09:27 AM

I will be there !

Anyone have a perfect Early chrome front bumper laying around....

Posted by: 7TPorsh Apr 4 2012, 09:54 AM

I do believe this event needs it's own T-Shirt.

Any creative designers out there?

Posted by: 7TPorsh Apr 4 2012, 09:55 AM

"* 1.8L long block 'crate motor' (it's a dusty/oily pull out that just happens to be in a wooden crate) ... $200."


LOL

Posted by: jim_hoyland Apr 4 2012, 10:00 AM

After downing some brats and chile, you end up with a custom G & R shirt...

Posted by: LotusJoe Apr 4 2012, 12:55 PM

Does your Triad exhaust look like this??

Posted by: euro911 Apr 4 2012, 01:46 PM

It's not quite that 'blingy' and is built for a large bore -6 914 (1-7/8"), but can certainly be coated to look as nice


Additional pix sent to your email as requested ...

Posted by: bcheney Apr 6 2012, 04:28 PM

Damn...that blingy one is a work of Art!!

Posted by: get off my lawn Apr 10 2012, 05:04 PM

DAM! They're havin a pawn stars marathon that day on history.com, can't miss that!
Any chance you can change the date again?

Posted by: Elliot Cannon Apr 10 2012, 06:15 PM

Throw a tape in your VHS and record it.

Posted by: 914_teener Apr 10 2012, 07:55 PM

Are you kidding......Slits is the Pawn Star?

Posted by: Elliot Cannon Apr 11 2012, 01:10 PM

If you live in the southwest and have not been to this event, you need to show up. Especially if you need something for your car. Bruce Stone will probably be there with lots of stuff you know you need. For $5 you get all the semi-charred bovine muscle tissue you can gag down. There will be knowledgable people there with free advise. Some of whom even know a little about 914's. In the unlikely event you cant make it, SLITS will have his cell phone Blue Tooth fully charged in case you want to call and chat. Bring some tools and lots of money.
Cheers, Elliot

Posted by: SLITS Apr 11 2012, 01:17 PM

Your spelling is terrible .... that's Porn Star

And Elliot ... the only gagging will be on that asinine vegi-burger we make for you. It would gag a maggot ... damn un-'merikan vegan.

Posted by: Elliot Cannon Apr 12 2012, 10:20 AM

SLITS? Porn star?? Now that IS something to gag about.

Posted by: get off my lawn Apr 12 2012, 01:02 PM

'Scuse me while I go gouge my mind's eye out.

Posted by: bernbomb914 Apr 12 2012, 04:38 PM

gosh I hope I can make it this time. I have so much stuff only Slits could market it

Posted by: get off my lawn Apr 13 2012, 11:28 AM

Reminds me: about a hundred years ago (ok maybe it was 10) I was at a pick-a-part in Santa fe springs.

There was an old teener there and I snagged the front bumper and driver's door handle and a mirror, can't remember which side.
All that cost me about $40 IIRC.

I got home and polished up the bumper and low and behold, a near perfect chrome early front bumper. No dents, no rust, only a few very small pits that you couldn't see unless you really worked at it.

I mentioned it on rennlist and an hour later, G (from G&R) showed up on the doorstep and bought it. $100, maybe $150. Something like that. I was jazzed that I made quick and easy money. Later I figured out how rare they were.

IIRC I also sold him the mirror for $25 ..........

Posted by: Elliot Cannon Apr 14 2012, 07:11 PM

OK. Who let this wander off page 1?

Posted by: falconfp2001 Apr 14 2012, 07:15 PM

, day after Cinco de Mayo is not good.

Posted by: Elliot Cannon Apr 18 2012, 11:36 AM

Nothing like a greasy cheeseburger to help that hangover.

Posted by: Elliot Cannon Apr 23 2012, 10:20 PM

Bumped because it should be. And because I can.

Posted by: '73-914kid Apr 23 2012, 10:39 PM

I'll be there, but not in the 914. I might bring a few parts with me...

Posted by: '73-914kid Apr 24 2012, 01:18 PM

Is there any interest in a real cheap exhaust setup? I had sandblasted and painted up a set of 75/76 heat exchanger pipes and muffler for use on my car up until I found my header. The heater boxes have been removed, but it might be a somewhat decent CSOB exhaust setup for someone who is looking for some sort of exhaust system..

Is it worth bringing up and pedling to yous guys?

Posted by: euro911 Apr 24 2012, 02:46 PM

That's a valid question indeed, Ethan.

I don't want to load up a bunch of stuff, then have to drag it all back home, so I posted some parts in the classifieds. Unfortunately, I haven't had too may responses, so I may end up NOT bringing anything

http://www.914world.com/bbs2/index.php?showtopic=179354

If there's no interest, I can drive my 914 instead of a P/U truck

Posted by: '73-914kid Apr 24 2012, 03:24 PM

It's not a huge deal for me if I bring it, and no one wants it, as I have the wagon now as a DD, but I really don't want to have a 914 exhaust system in my car for a week while I'm at school..

The parts swapmeet thing seemed to be pretty good last time though...

Posted by: '73-914kid Apr 30 2012, 08:48 PM

Bump! It's this Sunday!

Posted by: Marv's3.6six May 1 2012, 08:38 AM

I am so excited about this swap meet......... cuz I will have my car. Don from PMP will have my teener driveable on that day. This will be the first time since 2005 that the car will be driven. can't wait, can't wait. See you guys there!