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914World.com _ 914World Garage _ stupid engine jokes
Posted by: boxsterfan Oct 22 2014, 10:58 PM
What did the spark plug say to the coil when it received its first jolt?
Ohm my god!!
Carry on....
Posted by: messix Oct 22 2014, 11:09 PM
what did the 427 chevy say to the 427 ford ..... you sohc
Posted by: 02loftsmoor Oct 22 2014, 11:34 PM
you guys are killing me
Posted by: struckn Oct 23 2014, 06:52 PM
914 said " I'm a Boxer BAM BAM BAM BAM". Harley replied " I'm a V Twin " POTATO POTATO POTATO POTATO........
Posted by: Mike Bellis Oct 23 2014, 08:00 PM
Somebody please lock this thread before it gets out of control... 
Posted by: mr2by4 Oct 23 2014, 08:02 PM
There are 4 pistons in an air-coooled engine. One piston says to another, "Are we overheating?". To which the second piston says, "Holy crap a talking piston!"
Posted by: r_towle Oct 23 2014, 08:20 PM
A 1.7 liter type 4 can, with a few bolt on mods, perform almost like a stock 6
Posted by: boxsterfan Oct 23 2014, 08:59 PM
What did one rust molecule say to the other rust molecule when they came upon a 914?
We have to eat this sh%t again??!!
Posted by: stugray Oct 23 2014, 09:48 PM
A "Rust Free 914" walks into a bar.
NO IT DOESN'T!
Posted by: Larmo63 Oct 23 2014, 10:28 PM
A penguin is driving a 914 Porsche along the highway when, suddenly his engine starts running rough and he sees smoke in his rear view mirror. He pulls off the highway and finds the nearest service station, and pulls up to the garage with the car shaking and sputtering. He tells the mechanic what happened, and the mechanic says "OK, give me 10 minutes to check it out."
Meanwhile, the penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street. Thinking this is a perfect time for a tasty treat, he heads over and gets himself an ice cream cone.
After he finishes, he walks back over to the garage, and asks the mechanic "So, did you find out what's wrong?"
The mechanic looks at the penguin and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin quickly wipes his face and says "Oh, no, that's just the ice cream."
Posted by: Cuda911 Oct 23 2014, 10:39 PM
A guy walks into a parts store and says "I need a gas cap for my MGB."
The store owner says, "okay, sounds like a fair trade."
Posted by: 02loftsmoor Oct 23 2014, 10:39 PM
Posted by: mgp4591 Oct 24 2014, 12:19 AM
A stock teener looks at a modified teener and says, "What? I coulda had a V8??"
Posted by: wndsnd Oct 24 2014, 07:31 AM
A 1.7 liter type 4 can, with a few bolt on mods, perform almost like a stock 6
Madness,
But maybe a stock 2.0 ltr 4...........
Posted by: mr2by4 Oct 24 2014, 07:40 AM
A 1.7 liter type 4 can, with a few bolt on mods, perform almost like a stock 6
Madness,
But maybe a stock 2.0 ltr 4...........
What about a 1911 with a cam and headers?
Posted by: RobW Oct 24 2014, 08:03 AM
A Pleasanton soccer mom is distracted while driving her SUV towards the mall. She rear ends the car in front of her. Out pops a 4 foot midget, mad as hell. He runs back to the SUV and starts jumping up and down next to her window. "I'm not happy, I'm not happy!" he screams. The Pleasanton mom calmly asked, "OK then, which one are you?"
Posted by: VegasRacer Oct 24 2014, 09:51 AM
A blonde woman is driving a Porsche and she sees another blonde woman with a Porsche that has broken down on the side of the road.
She stops to ask what's wrong.
The owner of the broken Porsche said, 'I just had a look under the hood, and while I was driving somebody had stolen the engine.'
The other said, 'Oh, don't worry, I have a spare one in the back of my Porsche.'
Posted by: majkos Oct 24 2014, 09:59 AM
what's worse than having your 914 on jack stands? 
Having both of your 914's up. 
Posted by: Maltese Falcon Oct 24 2014, 10:26 AM
Ferrari owner takes his car in for service, he tells the tech;
(Insert Joe Pesci accent)
My crankshaft doesn't crank
My con rods don't rod
My battery don't bat
My camshaft don't cam
My pistons don't work either 
Posted by: Maltese Falcon Oct 24 2014, 10:30 AM
Two jumper cables walk into a bar.
The bartender says; You are welcome to come in...but don't start nuthin' 
Posted by: stugray Oct 24 2014, 10:43 AM
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Porsche 914 when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes when the mechanic shouted across the garage: "Hey doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the Type IV. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked: "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over and whispered to the mechanic: "Try doing it with the engine running."
Posted by: Maltese Falcon Oct 24 2014, 10:43 AM
Real sign In a Chevy dealer parts dept. ( CIRCA '70S ):
If you think that our parts prices are TOO HIGH, send your wife over and we will dikker. 
Posted by: ClayPerrine Oct 24 2014, 10:58 AM
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Porsche 914 when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes when the mechanic shouted across the garage: "Hey doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the Type IV. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked: "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over and whispered to the mechanic: "Try doing it with the engine running."
I had a doctor as a customer back when I fixed cars for a living. I told her it wasn't fair.. I had to be able to fix multiple makes and models of cars, and she only had one make and two models to deal with. But she got the big bucks and I got paid really poorly. Her response was "Mine didn't come with any kind of repair manual, the manufacturer changes things without notice, and I can't turn it off to fix it."
Posted by: ClayPerrine Oct 24 2014, 11:00 AM
A drunk is walking past a repair shop. Near the front of one of the bays, there is a mechanic cussing and swearing at the engine in a car. The drunk asks him what is wrong. The mechanic says "Piston Broke". The drunk laughs and says "So am I!"
Posted by: majkos Oct 24 2014, 11:00 AM
After getting a high bid to just paint his porch,
he decides hire a couple of bums, how hard to paint a porch?
he finds a couple willing to do the work for cheap,
take them home, and tells them,
"You'll find everything you need in the garage."
then leave for work,
Hours later, he's home,
and the porch isn't touch!!
goes around back, find them drinking ,
"Why are you drinking!? you didn't paint the porch!"
One of 'em says"We painted the porch, but it's no porch, it's a Mercedes."
Posted by: mgp4591 Oct 24 2014, 11:35 AM
A gynecologist got tired of his same old grind and decided he wanted to be a mechanic.(doesn't make sense to me either, but it's suppose to be joke- bear with it!)So he enrolls in the best tech school in the country and excels in all his courses, get ready for his final exam and graduation. He passes his entire course with 140% in grades and is slightly baffled but prepares for graduation ceremonies where he's given a special award for his skills. Again, up on the rostrum he expresses his confusion on his 140% grade. "We always expect the highest degree of proficiency from our students (explains the Dean) but you have exceeded all expectations of your instructors by completely assembling and engine through the exhaust system!" 
Posted by: a few loose screws Oct 24 2014, 05:04 PM
HOMOTRON: A Gay electron that goes around blowing fuses.
Posted by: ThePaintedMan Oct 24 2014, 05:10 PM
The others were really funny... the last one was a little much for my taste.
Posted by: scotty b Oct 24 2014, 05:13 PM
A guy walks into a parts store and says "I need a gas cap for my MGB."
The store owner says, "okay, sounds like a fair trade."
Store owner got screwed
Posted by: majkos Oct 24 2014, 06:00 PM
A guy walks into a parts store and says "I need a gas cap for my MGB."
The store owner says, "okay, sounds like a fair trade."
Store owner got screwed
i thought "kindla" high,
but fair.
"it's all good"
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