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Posted by: Twystd1 Jan 3 2006, 11:12 PM

So.. I have heard things like.

Ron was around while Jesus was in puberty.

That Ron rode dinasaurs for fun with Wilma and Fred.

Slits was the first REAL Pope.

The Movie BRAVEHEART WAS ACTUALLY A factual story of Ron's early life in Europe.

Aarons is really Ron's sixteenth cousin by marriage. (Possible beastiality issues based on past experiances)

Toast doesn't really know how old he is. But she uses the term ancient a lot in conversations.

Possible Factoid. Slits farts dust. No smell... Just dust......

Ron actually wrote the Koran as a party Joke for Omar Kyam. (I sense impending doom)

If Ron isn't a Polish noble... Why does he think like a Pollak???????????


Any more contributions to the real age of Ron.. AKA Slits is welcome... cause people really need to know the truth.

Especially MattR... His life is hanging on the truth....................

With much Regards and sanctimonyous thinking.

Twystd1

Note. Not a lot of intelect here... Just thirst for the truth.

Posted by: Aaron Cox Jan 3 2006, 11:12 PM

ron is pre history.

Posted by: redshift Jan 3 2006, 11:19 PM

He's not that old. He got carded for Social Security!


M

Posted by: gregrobbins Jan 3 2006, 11:21 PM

Didn't Slits supply parts to Noah when he was trying to get that Ark thing to float.

Hell, Ron has given everyone else parts to get up and runnning.

Posted by: GWN7 Jan 3 2006, 11:21 PM

I thought his social security card was #1?

Posted by: bernbomb914 Jan 3 2006, 11:26 PM

I dont know what you are talking about, Ron is just a pup compared to some of you young snots. age is detremined by results not years and I think he participates and contrubutes far more than most of you babies.

Bernie

Posted by: Twystd1 Jan 3 2006, 11:30 PM

Jeeezzz... Ya had to get serious on us.

Twystd1

Posted by: Aaron Cox Jan 3 2006, 11:32 PM

QUOTE (Twystd1 @ Jan 3 2006, 10:30 PM)

Jeeezzz... Ya had to get serious on us. Twystd1

:caneshakingsmiley:

Posted by: redshift Jan 3 2006, 11:33 PM

Posted by: Aaron Cox Jan 3 2006, 11:36 PM

ron is father time.....himself....

Posted by: bernbomb914 Jan 3 2006, 11:40 PM

I will defend my friends no matter what their conditions are but dont take me to seriously because I am old and senile

Bernie

Posted by: Howard Jan 3 2006, 11:51 PM

WHAAAAATTTT????
TALK IN MY GOOD EAR

Posted by: VegasRacer Jan 3 2006, 11:51 PM

Here is a http://www.glumbert.com/media/rendezvous.html of Ron behind the wheel.
It takes a minute to load, but I promise it is worth it.

Posted by: Aaron Cox Jan 3 2006, 11:58 PM

ron made his racing debut in Ben Hur

Posted by: Twystd1 Jan 4 2006, 12:07 AM

Ben Hur... Now the parts of the puzzle are coming together... More evidence of his age.... GGGoooooddd

Carry on..!!!!!!!

The truth is out there...!!!!!!!!!!

Twystd1

Posted by: messix Jan 4 2006, 12:55 AM

i heard that Ron was the first man circumsized. Adam caught Ron and Eve together and kicked Eve in the chin!

Posted by: sean_v8_914 Jan 4 2006, 01:01 AM

I heard that he is Yodas father

Posted by: slugmika Jan 4 2006, 03:56 AM

You don't know what you are talking about. I was at his birthday party few moths ago and he just turned 21. Highlite of the seremony was the glittering "ugly american routine" which included dancing around the oohters .

Mika

Posted by: dlo914 Jan 4 2006, 03:58 AM

QUOTE (slugmika @ Jan 4 2006, 01:56 AM)

You don't know what you are talking about. I was at his birthday party few moths ago and he just turned 21. Highlite of the seremony was the glittering "ugly american routine" which included dancing around the oohters . Mika

ah yes i recall that special ocassion...he was given the title "Disco Slits" and pranced around Hooters while gawking at the hooters

Posted by: Twystd1 Jan 4 2006, 05:40 AM

Aw Yes.. I was there at Hooters. It was supposedly his birthday. Yet I am not sure of that.

And yes he did dance around like a 16 year old in heat with half naked waitresses.

Then again... HHHmmmm... Hey Aaron.. Didn't we see three Old wise men kinda looking guys with frankincense and Mir looking for some guy they called the OLD ONE at Hooters that night. remember... before we smoked that funny ciggarette and ate the blue pills?... or was it Red... whatever... Errr Schroomms... Whatever...
Remember that Aaron??????????? or was it MattR.. Never mind.......

Could they have been looking for the man they call: "THE RON"... Could it be??

Has he slepped in a manger?

Has he been to the Middle east?

Is Slits the possible Anti Christ that they were talking about on the Art Bell show?

OK... I am really starting to wonder now... Hell.. even Jake talks to him.... Thats an Omen if I ever heard one....

Cmon guys.. MORE FACTOIDS on the man they call "THE RON".

Twystd1

Posted by: xitspd Jan 4 2006, 08:55 AM

I seem to remember that Hooter's night in Anaheim! Was Slits the guy in the White Tux jacket? Oh yeah! Picture to follow:

Dan.........................

Posted by: r_towle Jan 4 2006, 08:59 AM

old enough to know better.
young enough to remember
smart enough not to tell you guys.

Posted by: DNHunt Jan 4 2006, 09:36 AM

[QUOTE] i heard that Ron was the first man circumsized. Adam caught Ron and Eve together and kicked Eve in the chin! [QUOTE]

Troy

You may be onto something there. I had a vision last night (nightmare really). It turns out God didn't rest on the seventh day. He made Slits and put him in charge of all things mechanical. The Garden ran a little like Disneyland and Ron was kept busy keeping it running. Unfortunately, Ron was not as lucky as Adam and he had no Eve, instead he had Mile's ewe. Ron actually knew the serpent. When Adam and Eve got kicked out, Ron decided to focus his attention on 914's and therefore our cars are either blessed or cursed by the devil (cursed most of the time).

Dave

Posted by: Eric_Shea Jan 4 2006, 09:56 AM

Ron is almost as old as Bernie

(and he's Matt's Great Grandfather)

Posted by: skline Jan 4 2006, 10:34 AM

Who's Ron? What is this topic about? I must be getting old myself, I cant remember who Ron is.

Posted by: Aaron Cox Jan 4 2006, 10:37 AM

ron single handedly eveloved into homo erectus

Posted by: xitspd Jan 4 2006, 10:43 AM

QUOTE (Aaron Cox @ Jan 4 2006, 08:37 AM)

ron single handedly eveloved into homo erectus

Wow! I did not know that.................................

Posted by: Grimstead Jan 4 2006, 10:44 AM

I don't know how old Ron is but I do know when I googled 'Old', it cam up with his picture.

Posted by: mikelsr Jan 4 2006, 01:36 PM

I have never met Ron but rumour has it (and I am not one to spread rumours) that when God said "Let there be light", Ron turned on the switch.

Posted by: MattR Jan 4 2006, 05:54 PM

QUOTE (Aaron Cox @ Jan 4 2006, 08:37 AM)

ron single handedly eveloved into homo erectus

ironic. slits is a homo erectus, but he needs a pill to get an erectus

Posted by: bernbomb914 Jan 4 2006, 06:04 PM

Matt when you get old enough to get an erectus, then you will apprechate how many times Slits has done the deed and will be happy that there is a pill to help your performance when you grow up.

Bernie

Posted by: MattR Jan 4 2006, 06:10 PM

QUOTE (bernbomb914 @ Jan 4 2006, 04:04 PM)

Matt when you get old enough to get an erectus, then you will apprechate how many times Slits has done the deed and will be happy that there is a pill to help your performance when you grow up. Bernie

i guess humor is like wine. it gets better with age....

... then after a BUNCH of years it just gets sour.

Posted by: bernbomb914 Jan 4 2006, 06:20 PM

OUCH!!

Bernie

Posted by: Aaron Cox Jan 4 2006, 07:28 PM

QUOTE (MattR @ Jan 4 2006, 05:10 PM)

QUOTE (bernbomb914 @ Jan 4 2006, 04:04 PM) Matt when you get old enough to get an erectus, then you will apprechate how many times Slits has done the deed and will be happy that there is a pill to help your performance when you grow up. Bernie i guess humor is like wine. it gets better with age.... ... then after a BUNCH of years it just gets sour.

ROFLMAFAO!

Posted by: a914luvr Jan 6 2006, 04:32 PM

ok, my turn. My educated guess is between 59 & 61. On another note, I've got this interesting tidbit; Ron was once a guide on the Jungle Cruise ride at Disneyland in the early '70s! He's got some great stories to tell about it. Funny thing is when I was a kid we went to Disneyland once or twice a year and I may have had a younger SLITS as tour guide on a Jungle Cruise boat!

Posted by: Howard Jan 6 2006, 05:28 PM

My exploits in Africa inspired the Jungle Cruise

Posted by: SLITS Jan 6 2006, 05:38 PM

QUOTE (Howard @ Jan 6 2006, 04:28 PM)

My exploits in Africa inspired the Jungle Cruise

Yeh, but we didn't come back with crotch rot!

Posted by: MattR Jan 6 2006, 10:07 PM

Ron's birth certificate pre dates the Magna Carta according to radio carbon dating.

Posted by: Aaron Cox Jan 6 2006, 10:12 PM

QUOTE (MattR @ Jan 6 2006, 09:07 PM)

Ron's birth certificate pre dates the Magna Carta according to radio carbon dating.

carved in stone

Posted by: JB 914 Jan 6 2006, 10:27 PM

It is common knowledge that the "Big Bang" was when SLITS father slapped his a$$ with a club at birth

Posted by: Howard Jan 6 2006, 11:38 PM

OT, here we come...

Ron and his wife were celebrating their 40th anniversary. That night the wife approached her husband wearing the exact same sexy negligee she had worn on their wedding night. She looked at her husband and said, "Honey, do you remember this?"

He looked up at her and said, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."

She said, "That's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"

He nodded and said, "Yes dear, I still remember."

"Well, what was it?" she asked. He responded, "As I remember, I said, 'Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those big tits and screw your brains out.'"

She giggled and said, "Yes honey, that's exactly what you said. So, now it's 40 years later, and I'm in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?"

Again he looked up at her, and he replied, "Mission accomplished."

Posted by: Howard Jan 6 2006, 11:49 PM

On a similar note, this aging thing is all wrong.

Hey, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards.

Let's die first, get it out of the way. Then live in an old age home. Get kicked out because you're too young, get a gold watch and go to work. Work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy retirement. Do drugs, alcohol, party, get ready for high school. Go to grade school, become a kid, play, have no responsibilities. Become a little baby, and go back into the womb, Spend the last nine months floating and finish off as an orgasm.

Posted by: Aaron Cox Jan 6 2006, 11:51 PM

Posted by: a914luvr Jan 7 2006, 10:04 AM

Posted by: Grimstead Jan 7 2006, 06:41 PM

QUOTE (a914luvr @ Jan 6 2006, 02:32 PM)

ok, my turn. My educated guess is between 59 & 61. On another note, I've got this interesting tidbit; Ron was once a guide on the Jungle Cruise ride at Disneyland in the early '70s! He's got some great stories to tell about it. Funny thing is when I was a kid we went to Disneyland once or twice a year and I may have had a younger SLITS as tour guide on a Jungle Cruise boat!

That would explain his fear of animatronic hippos and his need to make us stand in line for forty-five minutes before he'll see us.

That would also explain the container in Ron's house, with Walt's frozen head in it.

Posted by: fuch toy Jan 8 2006, 12:23 AM

Slits before the accident?




Attached image(s)

Posted by: KaptKaos Jan 8 2006, 10:17 AM

QUOTE (Howard @ Jan 6 2006, 03:28 PM)

My exploits in Africa inspired the Jungle Cruise

Nothing related to Francis Macomber I hope.