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Posted by: stephenaki Feb 4 2008, 01:30 PM

So, everyone got an initial taste of my grand adventure trying to pick up my car in Italy. Well, here is ‘the rest of the story’ and let me be up front, this is long and only the beginning. I will submit another entry a little later but here is the beginning of the tale.

OK, so lets begin first with a short geography lesson to get everyone acquainted with where I am going from and too. Now, if you look at a map of Italy you see the boot and next to the toe, a small island that I refer to as the football or, if you want to get technical, Sicilia. It is on this island that I have to pick up the car. On the south east portion of the island is Catania which, is where I flew into. Continuing south is Augusta bay where my Navy hosts took me to pick up the car.

From Augusta, one has to drive to Messina, which is on the north east part of the island and closest to the toe of the boot. From Messina, you take a vehicle ferry to Villa San Giovanni and then follow the Autostrada up to Napoli. Rome is the halfway point of Italy and Napoli about an hour or so south on the west coast of Italy. All in all, from Augusta to Napoli it is approximaly 400 Miles. Why is Napoli important when I am trying to go all the way to Germany? Because, it was my interim stop for a couple of weeks before I pressed on north to Germany.

So, lets start with the first phase of the operation, the flight from Napoli to Catania. First off, know this, German law requires that I have the following three things in my car, Triangle warning kit, govt approved first aid kit (think of what might be in there) and a reflective orange vest. I have all these things to include a set of license plates in my backpack as I head to the airport.

The fun begins on the way there as I have to return a rental car before I fly but need to find a gas station open at 0530 in the morning. As luck would have it, I found a station not far from Capodechino airport; problem begins with trying to find my way back. My GPS is trying to take me through some back roads that are now one way roads due to all the garbage the Italians have piled up on the roads. I was only 5 minutes from the airport but it took me 30 minutes to get back. So now, I’m running a bit late as my flight leaves at 0700 and I finally get to the airport at 0615.

Still got time, no problem! Or at least that is what I thought until I saw the security gate line! Well, first things first, find Air one and check in. Oh look there they are and no one in line for them; since I am not checking any bags, this should be easy and it is. I do however ask the check in clerk if there will be any issues with what is in my back pack. He assures me that what I have is not a problem…he would be mistaken.

I get into the security line at 0620, did I mention my flight leaves at 0700? As I wait patiently, several people push past me and start cutting in front of the 30 other people waiting to go through the security point. First off, Italians don’t understand the whole queuing process and it is a massive blob of people pushing and shoving to get to the screeners. However, as these individuals try to push up to the front, several other Italians raise the alarm. The ones pushing to the front state they are late for the 0700 to Catania flight, which I am also on and, evidently a lot of other people in front and behind me. After a brief exchange of words to the effect of, ‘hey ass wipe! Were on the same flight get the hell in the back of the line!’ or so it seemed as it was in Italian and rather heated, they retreated to the back of the line. So I get to the screener at 0640, there are three screeners and I am at the center one. First problem, my warning triangles are made of plastic and solid steel rods that form the support and they decide they need to check to see if they can go through. Que Jeopardy music.

After about 3 minutes I am told nope, can’t take em. Problem is they won’t let me leave them at the security point but insist I go back to the check in station and have this plastic encased warning triangle put through as ‘checked’ luggage. Tried to just leave it with them but they were having none of that. CRAP! So I RUN to the check in counter, they do a call, tag my triangle kit, put a sticker on my boarding pass to claim it and then I RUN back to security.

Well, the line is gone, they have shut down two of the screening areas the one on the left and the center one I went through earlier. So now I go through the right side screener. “sir, is this your bag?” NOW WHAT?! “do you have scissors?” What? No I don’t have any scissors! “can we please look in your bag?” Sure!

Remember the med kit? Well, it has scissors. Why didn’t I know this? Because I never opened it and it doesn’t have an inventory on it but, they are medical scissors. You know the type, rounded tips so they don’t injure the patient if your cutting away clothing or a band aid. So now they have to find out if they are allowed; it is now 0650. They screener asks, “what time is your flight?” I tell him 0700 he says, “oh, you have plenty of time.” Sure if you say so.

Well after 5 minutes they still haven’t gotten a supervisor to tell the guy whether or not the scissors are OK or not. Again I tell him, ‘hey you can keep the scissors, I really don’t care!’ Nope, he wants a supervisor. At about this time the original dumbass from the check in counter comes running up to the security checkpoint, “Mr. Aki?!” I say yes and he says, “quick, you must hurry!” I look at him, I look at the security checker and say, rather loudly and emphatically, “I am trying to hurry! Tell him [security checker] that!!”

The counter clerk looks at me then at the security bubba and then back at me…he is at a loss. The security guy finally decides to make a decision WITHOUT his supervisor and says, “its OK” and we put the scissors back in the med kit, stuff it in the back pack and I take off at a run with the counter clerk.

Oh did I forget to mention this is a small airport so to get on the airplane you get on a bus that takes you to the plane and then you get on the plane? Well, the busses are done. So we get to the gate, it is 0700 by this time, and a little car with the yellow light pulls up. They stuff me in the car and we go zipping around the airfield to the airplane where I jump out and run up the stairs. So now everyone is looking at me as I make my way to my seat, don’t really care since I have miraculously NOT missed the plane.

As it was, we still landed in Catania early. I never did get my warning triangles back when I got to Catania.

Thus ends the first part of this tale, more to follow as time permits.

Posted by: KELTY360 Feb 4 2008, 02:33 PM

Posted by: Gustl Feb 4 2008, 03:26 PM

sounds like a lot of fun

I guess weather condition in Italy is good?
unfortunately not in Austria - we had heavy wind all the day and now it's raining cats and dogs

will you drive the teener all the way up through Italy?
my dad did so last summer (not with a teener) and he told me that the roads are horrable bad

anyhow - good luck for the next step

Gustl

Posted by: r_towle Feb 4 2008, 03:32 PM

One thing I learned long ago.
Ship your tools with UPS or Fedex or DHL or the Post.

They get there, and all you have to deal with is normal luggage.

Rich

Posted by: Thomas J Bliznik Feb 4 2008, 04:26 PM

Oh this is going to be good. My stomach got cramps reading the first post.



Tom

Posted by: stephenaki Feb 5 2008, 02:26 PM

OK, part 3.

As we last left our intrepid traveler he finally made his flight to Catania, which resides on the lovely, and I say that tongue in cheek, island of Sicilia.

Well, as was mentioned earlier, I had to ‘check’ my warning triangle kit and, after hanging around baggage claim for about 15 minutes after all the bags were out, I finally accepted the fact that I would not be recovering my triangles.

So now what? First order of business, find an information desk and see if there is a bus that runs to the Navy installation. Cool, there’s the info booth right in front of me! Oh wait, it’s not open yet. Hmm, sign says open at 0800, OK, its 0750, I’ll wait.

Sooooooo, around 0810…a couple of Italian women come strolling up to the door to open the info booth and, they are deep in conversation. I on the other hand am standing right outside their little bank teller like window so I can ask them a question. Hmm, they seem to be ignoring this big strapping slightly grey haired American. Obviously I am not handsome enough to get there attention. After about 3 minutes they kinda got annoyed that I was looking at them intently and finally decided to ask me what I want. So much for customer service! Well the short answer, which I got after close to 13 minutes of waiting, was that there was no bus and I would have to take a taxi.

Taxi was easy to find and it only cost 50 euros! OK, do the conversion; 50 euros is close to $75. Evidently, it is about a 30-minute drive to get to Naval Station Sigonnella or NAS1 as they call it. Well, I planned for that so it wasn’t an issue but it still sucked having to fork over the cash.

Taxi gets me there, I get out and I ask the guard where the military equivalent to the Department of Motor Vehicles is so I can get fuel coupons. For those of you that are not in the military and/or not familiar with fuel in europe, fuel coupons are basically a small book of 1”x2” coupons that you buy to give the gas stations on the economy. You pay US gas prices for the coupons so instead of paying $5 to $6 a gallon on the economy you pay the standard going rate in the states. So, if you pump say 25 liters of fuel, you hand the clerk coupons that equal 25 liters. The catch is there are only a couple of stations that accept them, Esso and Agip in Italy and, fuel coupons purchased in Germany don’t work in Italy.

I’m feeling pretty good at this point and walk into the DMV type office and ask them about purchasing the coupons. Uh Oh, problem, they can’t sell them to me unless I have orders stating I am authorized to be in Italy. Well, I do BUT, they are electronic and, the system crashed before I departed so I couldn’t print out a copy. Damn, guess I will be forking over the big bucks for gas, good thing the 914 gets about 30 mpg!

So I wander over to the ‘opportune ship’ program office; they are expecting me and we head on down to Augusta bay to pick up the car. This in itself is a 45-minute ride on crappy roads to the port. The initial inspection of the car is ok, and it starts with a little cajoling. Check the lights, good, blinkers are good, oil low, will need to add some, wipers don’t seem to be working but, it is sunny with no anticipated bad weather so not an issue. None of this is a surprise except the wipers. Overall not bad considering it just spent about 3 weeks on the back of a Naval vessel unprotected traversing the Atlantic.

So after letting her idle and warm up a bit, I pull her out of the warehouse, do the paperwork and am on my way. Did I mention she only has about a quarter tank of gas? First order of Business, find a gas station! So I hook up the GPS turn her on, plug it in…crap. Cigarette lighter isn’t working to power the GPS. Oh yeah, I don’t have a map! Yes, I am dumbass, go ahead and say it. In my rush to get things together I neglected to buy one. This was not that much of an issue however as the roads had very good signs with the names of the towns that I needed to go to. The downside is that a map would have jogged my memory into realizing that I had to drive to Messina and NOT Catania to catch a ferry across to mainland Italy.

So, I’m on my way and once I realize that the signs tell me where to go to include signs to the port of Catania, I turn off my GPS and just follow the signs. I get to the port of Catania in about an hour and a half. Now remember, I am in the wrong place, I should be in Messina NOT Catania. Baffled, I can’t seem to find the ferry to Villa San Giovanni; I swear the Navy guys said I would find the ferry easy. After stopping at a couple of locations to ask for directions from people who don’t speak English I finally get directed to where the ferry is.

At one point someone tried to put me on a train to Napoli, well that’s a non-starter. So I go in the little office to talk to the ferry guy, he hands me a piece of paper and tells me to come back at 1600 to pay for the ferry. I ask him when does it leave, at 1600? He says “yes.”

Before we continue, I should point out that this ferry doesn’t take me to Villa San Giovani; it takes me straight to Napoli and is an 8-hour trip. So, I am expecting that I will get to Napoli around 0100 in the morning and, since the port of Napoli isn’t that far, I should have enough juice in the GPS to get me to the Naval Support Activity where I am staying which is located in Gricignano D, Aversa. Don’t ask me to pronounce it. Not optimal but it will work and I can take a nap on the ferry.

So now I am hungry, it is now 1200, I don’t have to be back until 1600. Lunch wouldn’t be an issue except I didn’t eat any breakfast. Well I don’t want to wander around downtown Catania and get lost…what to do, what to do.

Wait a second, I know where the airport is and I know they have food! So I drive over to the airport and get me some lunch. I also run over to there book shop in search of a map too which I am unsuccessful in attaining but I realize at this point I am at the wrong port. The girl at the store had a big map but it didn’t have enough road detail; it did show me where Catania was and where I should be which was Messina. This would be why I couldn’t find the ferry to Villa San Giovanni.

Now I finally get my head out of my fourth point of contact and take a look at the piece of paper that the ferry guy handed me as I have a sneaking suspicion that something isn’t quite right. Well, according to the paper, which, by the way is an actual schedule of ferry departure times and arrivals, I don’t actually depart Catania until 2300 with an arrival of 1000 the next morning! Ya ever get that sinking feeling in your gut when you know shit just went wrong?

It is now, 1400. I drive back over to the ferry office to confirm the times, the guy is not there but there is another guy on the other side of the office who confirms what I thought. Well, this ain’t gonna work, I am supposed to be training Navy people to be a Joint Task Force staff in the morning! So I turn on the GPS and plug in Messina; its only 93 kilometers from Catania according to the GPS or roughly 60 miles, I can make that in an hour easy! So off I go cause I know that once I get there it is only about 5 hours from Villa San Giovanni to Napoli. It is now 1500 which means, by my calculation, I will get to Napoli at about 2100 to 2200 and still have time to sleep and go to work in the morning. In addition, I an turn off the GPS and save power because there are clearly marked signs in BLUE (the color is important) that say Messina.

Can you see Murphy behind me with a pair of size 20 boots raising his feet to stomp on me??? We will continue this adventure in part 4. I would write more but shortly after I returned I was sent off to stand up another Joint Task Force in Ramstein, Germany where I am currently sitting in a hotel room typing this.

Posted by: stephenaki Feb 6 2008, 10:07 AM

Part 4, Catania to Messina.

Important thing you should know about Italy that I did not at the time but do now; blue direction signs mean main road, NOT Autostrada. Green signs signify the Autostrada. Why is this important? Because, if you follow the blue signs you wind up going through every single small town on the way! If you get up on the Autostrada, you bypass them; this is the difference of say a one-hour drive versus a 4-hour drive to go 60 miles.

I will say that it was rather fun driving the twisty and curvy roads on the coastline route to Messina unfortunately, this was only between towns and not near long enough. The problems really started as I got closer to Messina and the beach towns became more prevalent. The coast road would take up along the mountainside and then drop you down into the smaller coastal towns and, in several towns, put you within 100 meters of the ocean.

When this happened you would wind up running through little tiny streets that barely fit two cars and in a couple of towns, travel down cobblestone roads that would rattle the living hell out of you if you drove more than 25 MPH. I also had to deal with slow drivers sight seeing on the beach roads and speed bumps every 200 meters in several towns.

At one point, I got stuck behind a local bus for about 10 miles and what should have taken 10 minutes took 45 minutes as it frequently stopped along the route. Now when I say it stopped, I don’t mean to let people on or off, that happened as well but, it stopped because the road was so narrow with cars parked on both sides that it could no longer move forward due to on-coming traffic. He had to wait until the opposing traffic either backed up or moved onto the tiny sidewalk so he could move forward. Talk about frustrating!!

I also had a couple of areas that I had to deal with road construction and no one directing traffic. Remember, I headed out at 1500 with the intent of getting to Messina at 1600 to catch a ferry across to Villa San Giovanni. At around 1700, I am still 25 miles from Messina, the sky is getting dark and there is a spattering of rain. In the distance I can see storm clouds over what I am assuming is Messina. Well, the rain is holding off but it is getting dark so I turn on the head lights; no problem, they come on and I make sure I don’t have the high beams on.

I finally hit the outskirts of Messina at around 1800 and start seeing signs to the port and even signs that have little cars in the boats for the ferry! OK, it sucks that it took me so long to get here but I see the light at the end of the tunnel…or so I thought.

As I get into Messina proper I hit Los Angeles type traffic jams! The roads were packed with cars and people and I never got over 10 mph at any given point. About 30 minutes into my stop and go travel through Messina, the headlights quit working and, it starts to drizzle. Just great, now I have no lights and no wipers and I am straining to see the signs to make sure I don’t miss a turn to the port. At least there are plenty of city lights and other car lights that help me see where I am going.

About 5 more minutes and I see a sign that directs me to turn right OR go straight but both have the little boat with the car in them. I turn right. Wrong answer. I go down a road and over a bridge then hang a left at the end of the road. I can’t find squat! Ok, lets back track and see what I would have found had I turned right, still nothing but darkness and what appear to be unoccupied warehouses. Mind you, when I turned down this road the only light I had was my parking lights and the few streetlights that were on this route. The main roads had plenty of light but this was NOT a main road.

Although my lights went out, I was determined to get on the ferry and get off Sicilia. I planned on getting over to Villa San Giovanni and, once there, finding a hotel for the night since I no longer had headlights. Well, that plan kinda went to hell and a hand basket when I couldn’t find the port. So, I pull over, turn on the GPS and set it up to find a hotel. Bingo! There are several close by.

I find a place to park up from the first hotel and walk down to it; no room at the inn! Crap. Walk back to the car, turn on the GPS and look for another hotel. As I drive to the other hotel I find them on the side road I turned down to go to what I thought was the port. OK, drive to the end of the road, do a U-turn and pull up on the sidewalk with everyone else so I can walk to the hotel. Did I mention the car doors won’t lock?
I find myself a hotel about 100 meters from where I park that has a free breakfast and a restaurant inside. It is now 2000. The clerk does not speak much English however; a hotel employee comes in that does speak English very well. She explains to me how to get to the port and, come to find out, I was only about 3 miles from it but, it was not down the road I thought it was.

So I call it a night and head off to bed. Unfortunately I did not get a good nights sleep as my mind was spinning out of control with self-recrimination. At Mid-night I awoke to use the bathroom and as I lay down again, mind begins to spin again, CRASH, FLASH, BOOM! PATTER, PATTER, PATTER…Thunderstorm hits. Well, on the positive side, it will wash all the salt off the car. On the negative side, this will suck if it doesn’t blow over in the morning! As I try to sleep a thought pops into my head…”would it be a bad thing if someone stole the car? Hmm, the doors won’t lock….”

We will leave this tale here and pick up the final chapter tomorrow. On the bright side, the car has been picked up from Italy and should be at the repair shop around mid-month.

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Posted by: minndodger Feb 6 2008, 10:23 AM

I keep reading and think okay this is where his luck turns and it never does.

Posted by: TeenerTim Feb 6 2008, 11:45 AM

QUOTE(minndodger @ Feb 6 2008, 11:23 AM)

I keep reading and think okay this is where his luck turns and it never does.

Posted by: 1970 Neun vierzehn Feb 6 2008, 01:08 PM

What a great tale!

Will there be a movie version or a TV series?

This is great reading, more adventure than most of us have with our 914s.

Driving in Sicily...now you qualify for Targa Florio experience!

Looking forward to the next installment.

Lastly........

Paul

Posted by: hcdmueller Feb 6 2008, 02:28 PM

Welcome to Ramstein! I would offer to take you out in my 914 but the weather and salt keep me from moving it out of my garage (that and the engine in my basement). Sorry to hear about the adventures you are having. Sounds like a lot of my trips. If you want to get a beer sometime let me know.
Chris

Posted by: Gustl Feb 6 2008, 02:41 PM

QUOTE(1970 Neun vierzehn @ Feb 6 2008, 08:08 PM)

What a great tale!

Will there be a movie version or a TV series?

This is great reading, more adventure than most of us have with our 914s.

Posted by: stephenaki Feb 7 2008, 05:56 AM

Part 5, the final chapter.

Let me begin with a comment about pictures. What I was able to take, are coming. Since I got back from Italy on Wednesday and was gone two days later on another mission I didn’t get time to develop the shots I took while traversing the ferry from Messina to Villa San Giovanni.

OK, now for the final chapter in this sordid tale of woe and misfortune. I have set my alarm for 0700 so I can get up, shower, eat and be on the road no later than 0800. This should be plenty of time for daylight to appear. Alarm goes off and I groggily climb out of my little bed. Gee, it’s still kinda dark. Oh yeah, I have the rolladens down. For those of you that don’t know what Rolladens are, they are basically windows with built in shutters that literally roll up onto themselves. Think of rolling a newspaper up, that is what these do to cover and uncover the window. I have included a picture for your viewing pleasure; most European countries use these.


So I hit the button to roll up the shutters, yes some are electric, and lo and behold….clouds. Dark, dismal, foreboding and laden with moisture of which is pitter-pattering on the ground rather steadily. I guess the storm didn’t blow over after all. Well, nothing I can do about it and I don’t think I can wait any longer. I do however, go outside in the rain to look at the clouds. They are moving and rather quickly at that. Unfortunately, they are moving in the direction I am heading.

Breakfast in Italy. So I shower and put on the same clothes I wore the day before, remember this was supposed to be a one day trip, and go downstairs to check out and eat. Italians don’t do a big breakfast; I get to choose bread, lunchmeat, cheese, juice and tea. Not exactly a gourmet buffet and lacking in the primary food group of Coffee. Yes, I think Coffee is a food group. All right, I’ll survive so I eat, have some tea and walk out of the hotel. As I get to the road that I have to cross I look at the bridge where I parked the car last night. There gleaming in the rain like a big yellow banana with a bad spot on top is my newly acquired nightmare. Guess no one in Italy wanted a classic German sports coupe. I was not sure whether I should have felt relief that it was still there or disappointment that it was still there but I did know that driving in the rain without windshield wipers was going to suck!

So I get in my little car and fire her up, doesn’t start as easy as the other day for some reason and seems to be a bit rougher running. I also smell gas but I can’t figure out from where. I would find out later. Let her idle for a bit, put her in gear and off I go. It is not excruciatingly bright but it is not pitch black either. Just your standard overcast day with rain so I have plenty of light to see the signs however, it is not easy when you have to look through a rain-speckled windshield.

As I drive along, it is not far, 3 maybe 5 miles? But it seems like forever because I am not familiar with the town and I have no friggin windshield wipers! I also learn that the top leaks! Hmm, guess I am gonna have to change some seals when I get home. As I plod along in the rain, getting dripped on every now and then, I see the sign and entrance to the ferryboat. I pull up, get out of the car, go and pay 25 Euros and then drive over to queue in the line to get on the ferry.

I am not waiting very long, all of 30 seconds and the ferry starts to load. They run every 20 minutes or so. I drive on, park, get my backpack and valuables and work my way up to the top deck. What a relief! Finding the ferry was easy in the daytime! This will be a great opportunity to get some pictures! I go up top and call the wife, she is in Napoli, and she is ecstatic that I have finally gotten to the ferry. The ride is about 20 minutes and I was able to get a few pictures that I will post once I get them developed as I had my good film camera with the wide angle and zoom lens.

Off in the distance I see Villa San Giovanni and the rain is beginning to lessen. The storm seems to be moving off the coast a bit and is not moving past the mountains. This is a good thing and as I pull off of the ferry I see signs to Napoli on the AUTSTRADA!! Meanwhile, I had the opportunity to clean up the window so I could see better before I departed the ferry; this turns out to be very helpful as the rain started to increase in tempo.

Now that I am on mainland Italy, I need to find fuel. Well, I know that Italy is like Germany and that they have fuel and food rest stops off their main highways so this shouldn’t be a problem. I didn’t think I burned much gas but since the gauge wasn’t working and the tripmeter and odometer weren’t working, I couldn’t be sure. I get on the Autostrada and as I drive, the rain begins to dissipate. The only problem occurs when people pass me and kick up a lot of rain and road grime onto my windshield but that too is lessening as I drive further down the road.

After about 10 miles or so I see a sign for a gas station and pull off. I pull up to the pump and stop behind a guy who is getting gas. As I look at the pumps, the one immediately in front of me has 4 hoses and each is labeled. Diesel, Gasolina, Benzin premium, Benzin Super. The next pump up has only two hoses but I can’t see what they are labeled. Well, the car in front pulls off and, not wanting to be inconsiderate, I pull all the way up to the other pump even though there is no one behind me.

This pump has Benzin premium and Benzin super. Well, I don’t want to pay the price for premium or super so I back up to the first set of pumps; Gasolina was cheaper. Now in my mind, being an American, I translate the pump into the following. Diesel is diesel, Gasolina is regular unleaded, Benzin premium is unleaded premium and Benzin super is unleaded super. Anyone else see a problem with this logical translation based on what I am familiar with?

I proceed to fill the tank with 24 liters of Gasolina; the attendant walks over, smiles, looks at the car and what I am filling her up with and doesn’t say a DAMN THING! Maybe I should have pulled up to the full service pump. I finish fueling her up, pay my bill and get back in the car to back her up and park at their store so I can see if they have a map. WOOHOO! They got a map! It’s a good map too! I pay then go to the gas station service store next door and buy me a squeegee to clean the window and then go and sit in the car to have a look at the map.

Well damn, this should be easy; the autostrada goes all the way up to Napoli right past mount Vesuvias and past Pompeii. I know where I am if I get there and I will have enough juice in the GPS to get me to the Naval base once I hit Pompeii. I figure I will drive for about 2 hours and then fill her up again just to be safe. Start her up and off I go!

So far so good, it’s a 4-lane highway and hardly any traffic. Have some tunnels that I drive through but no issues. Well at about 10 miles, it goes to a two lane as they have closed one side for construction. 5 miles into this 2-lane portion she starts to backfire and I start losing power. What the hell?! She is really straining as I exit a tunnel and about a mile later she dies entirely. I have now driven about 20 miles from the gas station. Oh yeah, there’s no curb for me to pull over to.

Put on my hazards, pop the grill in the back, get out and try to figure out what the hell happened. Check the oil, damn, I forgot to add some and it is very, very, low. Man I hope I didn’t just hose the engine but I am not thinking that is the problem because the engine would have seized on me. By now I have traffic backed up and Italians honking at me. Like I did this on purpose?

Thankfully, the local Cabineri (police) just happen to be in the area and within 3 minutes of my breaking down they are on scene directing traffic and trying to figure out what the hell is going on. After talking with them, there English is not all that great; they determine that I won’t be getting it started again. Ya THINK?! If I could get it started again would I be standing in the middle of a busy road trying to figure out why my car died?

So the cops take their little SUV pull it up in front of me and pull out a cargo strap; it doesn’t look to sturdy. They hook it up to their truck and the other end to my car. I get in, put her in neutral, foot on the brake and as they start to pull away and the tension starts on the strap I let my foot off the break. I move about a foot and then SNAP! The strap breaks. Well this isn’t good. They stop, get out, look at the strap, back the SUV up then start to tie the broken ends together.

It is now that I notice there are A LOT of knots in this strap! Well I guess the one guy wasn’t happy with his knot because he disconnects the strap and pulls out a new strap to hook us together with. Why the hell he didn’t do this to begin with is a mystery to me. This time it works and they pull me over to an emergency stopping area where they call a tow truck to come and get me. Within 15 minutes a tow truck shows up and loads me up and we travel up the road about 5 more miles and pull off into a little outstation area where the tow truck, police, and emergency medical guys hang out. This is evidently a duty station that has key people to respond to accidents or dumbass Americans like me.

One of the cops speaks decent English and he explains that another truck is coming to get me to take me to Palmi, which is about 20 kilometers up the road. There, they will diagnose and try to fix me. OK, I can deal with that. About an hour later the truck shows up and I would now like to introduce you to Gino.

While I am waiting, I wander over to my car on the first truck and notice the fuel line is hanging low and there is a cut in it right as it feeds into the fuel filter. Not only that, it is leaking. Remember that smell of gas and the hard start? Had a similar problem with the fuel lines being rotted out on the 79 MG I rebuilt. Well, were not going to fix it now and the car is downloaded and then uploaded onto Gino’s truck. Gino speaks passable English.

Off to Palmi! As we get to Palmi we pull into a maintenance yard piled high with dead cars that I think they use as parts cars. Not s single Porsche in sight. First things first, Gino asks if I can help him fix the fuel leak problem and after some creative use of needle nose pliers, combination pliers and a pocket knife, we cut the line and re-clamp it onto the fuel filter. I think the fuel line got cut during the drive on the cobblestone street the previous day.

Gino’s boss shows up and we get to work on trying to figure what the problem is. First thought, the distributor is turning freely. Maybe it got knocked out of time. After multiple attempts and different positions we still can’t get her to start. Some other Italian shows up to help figure this out and they pull the fuel filters off the carbs. After probably about an hour the 2nd guy finally realizes what the problem is, wrong fuel. After some discussion with Gino translating we all come to the realization that I put 24 liters of Gasolina in the tank, which is not regular gas but, a diesel house fuel derivative. At one point I had 5 Italians all standing around the car trying to figure out 1, what is it, and 2, why won’t it run?

OK, lets drain the tank. I get out my manual, I brought it with me, and look at the fact that were going to have to put it up on the lift they have to get to the plug. As I am looking at this, Gino shows up with a clear rubber hose and two containers to put the fuel in. He sticks one end in the tank, one end in his mouth and sucks some fuel out until it starts to run through the hose on its own accord and then sticks it in a container. I am not sure how much they drained but I think it was just about the entire tank. Guess we don’t need the lift after all.

Once it is drained, Gino’s boss gets in the car and Gino and I push the sucker over to the Esso station across the street. We put oil in the engine, 2 liters, and fill it up with regular gas. Gino and I then push his boss onto the main road that goes down a hill and I go inside to pay for the gas; it cost me 50 euros for the oil and 58 euros for the fuel. As I come out of the office and walk towards the yard the gate opens up and Gino goes flying out the gate with the tow truck. RUTRO SHAGGY!

Ok, maybe he is just trailing him just in case. I walk across the road and stand outside and wait. 30 minutes go by and I don’t see my car. Finally I see the tow truck coming towards me, crap, the car is on the truck. Gino pulls in, gets out of the truck, looks at me and says, “its dead.”

No one knows why but it won’t start. The truth of the matter is while they were trying to get it to start, they did get it started and ran it hard for about 5 minutes. During this time, the Diesel gummed up the works preventing the car from carbureting. So now what? Well, I can’t seem to get in touch with ADAC so I have Gino find out about getting someone to take the car from here to Napoli. He goes inside and comes out about 10 minutes later and says they can take it there. OK, how much? He goes inside again, comes out, 1100 Euros. YOWSA! Well, I don’t have much of a choice now do I? It is at this point that my adventure pretty much ends. The rest of trip is uneventful with Gino driving the truck and me riding next too him to Napoli. It was quite a pretty drive but I am almost relieved that I was a passenger as we had a 40-kilometer detour at one point through the mountains and I am pretty sure I would have gotten lost.

On a side note, Gino is not Italian, he is Lithuanian but he comes to Italy to work for a few months a year. He is fluent in Italian even though it is his second language and pretty good in English. He is also a veteran having served a couple years in the Georgian Army, no not Georgia, USA, Georgia the country. You know the one with the problems with Chechnyan rebels? We had several discussions and the most memorable thing he said was, “Rome and down is Africa, Rome and up is OK.” This was in reference to his host country. As we pulled onto the Navy base and he saw the trash piled up and over flowing the dumpster he looks at me and says, “yes, this, this is Napoli.”

I finally got to Napoli at about 1800 that night and my wife was able to get in touch with ADAC and find a local Porsche dealer. The next morning the car was taken to the Porsche dealer and a few days later they called to tell me what I already knew, the engine would not carburet. So ends the tale of my ill-fated trip to pick up my car and drive from Italy to Germany.

Once the car gets to Mittelmotor I will take a trip up there to talk to them about what needs to be done and hopefully have it back up and running by the end of the month. I will keep you all up to date and post some pictures once I get back to Stuttgart. Hope you enjoyed this little adventure and learned something along the way. The most important thing being…don’t let me pick your car up!!!

Posted by: DNHunt Feb 7 2008, 08:20 AM

And to think I get frustrated with my car sometimes. You sir are a man of true patience and I will try to keep your adventure in my mind when I want to deep six my car off the nearest boat ramp. Your reward will come, top off on a mountain road with the sun shining. Here's hoping it's soon.

Dave

Posted by: Bleyseng Feb 7 2008, 08:44 AM

atleast once you make it to Mittlemotor some of the guys there speak English.

remember, always travel with some sort of translation book...the only time that has failed me was when I got lost in Crete. All the signs were in some Greek alphabet which the translation book didn't list. Man, did we get lost! I found a map finally with English and Greek.

Posted by: TINCAN914 Feb 7 2008, 10:04 AM

My heart goes out to you Steve.
I thought I had a bitch of a time driving from here to Moab. Here's to you
I really enjoyed the read, sorry but it had me laughing. All I could think of was buy now I would have drived the car off a cliff.

Posted by: 1970 Neun vierzehn Feb 7 2008, 04:44 PM

Steve,
Great story. It reads like some odysssey that one of the better writers in Automobile magazine had penned. You've undertaken a road trip in a foreign land with an old car not indiginous to that country. That the outcome wasn't exactly what you had hoped for, you neverthe less persevered to the very end. Good ol' damn-the -torpedos, full speed ahead, I-think-I-can, Yankee perseverance. My hat be off to you, sir.

Keep us up to date on your European adventure, progress with your car, and continue with the fine prose.

Good and bad, now your car has some "provenance" that most of us will never have. Good luck with your adventure!

Paul

Posted by: GWN7 Feb 7 2008, 11:26 PM

Steve,

great adventure

I can relate to the trip, my story can be found http://www.914world.com/bbs2/index.php?showtopic=35957&st=0

So your having the car trucked North now?

Posted by: Gustl Feb 8 2008, 05:44 AM

Steve, that's simply unbelievable ...

this story was great amusement for a long time, but now I really feel bad for your situation

I hope you get the car up to Mittelmotor without any further trouble and that it might be a minor problem

good luck

Gustl

Posted by: Spoke Feb 8 2008, 06:14 AM

Amazing story, quite a guy's tale. You know, guys never ask directions or for help, and things seem to work out. Good luck with your car.

Posted by: rick 918-S Feb 8 2008, 09:14 AM

Thanks for sharing your story. Gotta luv road trips! I've had a few myself... I'm looking forward to the next chapter. It will be interesting to see what Gino and his boss did to the engine while trying to help...

Posted by: Thomas J Bliznik Feb 8 2008, 11:03 AM

Great story Steve, you have a talent in telling a story.

Tom

Posted by: stephenaki Feb 8 2008, 12:54 PM

Well, I hope no one has to go through the same thing I did. I should have some pictures of Italy tomorrow that I will post. I am kind of in the hang around and wait mode right now and I hope it gets in around the 15th of this month to Mittelmotor. They know it is coming and know what the primary problem was i.e., now say this with a German accent, "shtupiid Aamaeracan!"

Chris, Sorry I missed you dude. I was busy trying to turn 3rd Air force into a Joint Task Force for a mission; definitely a challenge. I got cut loose yesterday and didn't feel like waiting around another night, I was suffering from 2 year old daughter withdrawal. She was quite happy to see me and I her.

I still want to take a cruise over to visit Gustl this Summer, we just need to figure out when.

Posted by: hcdmueller Feb 8 2008, 02:27 PM

So you are part of the infamous JTF mission. We have been having all sorts of fun with 3AF this past week.

Don't worry about going home. I can appreciate missing your family. I will definitely take the time to go for a trip to Austria and beyond. Let me know when you are available. I will find the time.

Chris

Posted by: Gustl Feb 9 2008, 12:26 AM

QUOTE(stephenaki @ Feb 8 2008, 07:54 PM)

Posted by: rebelmdot Feb 9 2008, 12:55 AM

QUOTE(stephenaki @ Feb 8 2008, 12:54 PM)

Well, I hope no one has to go through the same thing I did. I should have some pictures of Italy tomorrow that I will post. I am kind of in the hang around and wait mode right now and I hope it gets in around the 15th of this month to Mittelmotor. They know it is coming and know what the primary problem was i.e., now say this with a German accent, "shtupiid Aamaeracan!"

Chris, Sorry I missed you dude. I was busy trying to turn 3rd Air force into a Joint Task Force for a mission; definitely a challenge. I got cut loose yesterday and didn't feel like waiting around another night, I was suffering from 2 year old daughter withdrawal. She was quite happy to see me and I her.

I still want to take a cruise over to visit Gustl this Summer, we just need to figure out when.