Electrical theory, By Joseph Lucas Options

[Woody]

ELECTRICAL THEORY BY JOSEPH LUCAS

Positive ground depends on proper circuit functioning, which is the transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral manifestation known as “smoke”. Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. We know this to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of an electrical circuit, it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical testing.

For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a battery, prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly ceases to function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an electrical component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be observed that the component no longer functions. The logic is elementary and inescapable!

The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one device to another. When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of the system, nothing works afterward.

Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for some time largely because they consumed large quantities of smoke, requiring very unsightly large wires.

It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly more prone to electrical leakage than their German, Japanese or American counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British, and all things British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock absorbers, hydraulic forks and disk brake systems leak fluid, British tires leak air and British Intelligence leaks national defense secrets. Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke. Once again, the logic is clear and inescapable.

In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy in the form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries of electrical components especially British units manufactured by Joseph Lucas, Ltd.

And remember: “A gentleman does not motor about after dark.”

Joseph Lucas “The Prince of Darkness”
1842-1903

A few Lucas quips:

The Lucas motto: “Get home before dark.”

Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.

Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The three-position Lucas switch: DIM, FLICKER and OFF. Sometimes labled: SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

The Lucas smoke theory: when the smoke comes out it's finished, cooked or done for.

The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.

If Lucas made guns, wars could not start.

Back in the ‘70s, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. They were the only products they offered that did not suck.

Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators.

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/sunglasses.gif)

[Woody]

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/huh.gif)

[76-914]

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/agree.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/av-943.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/lol-2.gif)

[Strudelwagon]

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/huh.gif)

Hey, is that smoke hazardous to your health? In my late teens-early twentys I was exposed to alot of it...spitfire...TR-6...MGB-GT
I better get checked out (IMG:style_emoticons/default/dry.gif)

[KELTY360]

"Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit."

That's classic. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/av-943.gif) This never gets old.

A corollary to leaking smoke is the question: Why don't the British build computers?


























Answer: They haven't figured out how to make them leak oil. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

[underthetire]

I had posted the same thing 2 weeks ago (IMG:style_emoticons/default/dry.gif)

Why do the Brits drink warm beer?










Cause Lucas made their fridges.

[injunmort]

i dont know about english autos, but in 30+ years if british motorcyling i have never had a problem with lucas electrics. i have a 1937 norton running a lucas mag up to a 75 norton commando e-start that works faultlessly. problems arise when these systems are "fixed" or used in unintended applications, very much like the electrical system in my 914. fwiw

[my928s4]

I am British and it is still hilarious, pity those poor people who bought Range Rovers prior to BMW putting in their engines.

[Tom]

Early (60's) Triumph motorcycles used a zenor diode as a voltage regulator. When the zenor failed, the voltage went way too high and burned out the headlamp pretty quick. Another of those , never ride at night on your Triumph sayings. LOL!!
Tom

[damesandhotrods]

I’ve been through 4 MGBs and a Jensen Healey, and the only electrical problem I had to deal with was AC Delco alternator in the Jensen Healey.

As far as the other MGBs and Triumphs I’ve been around, the bulk of their electrical woes were caused by the people working on them.

[Woody]

HRough crowd. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/dry.gif)