 My 914 is SOOO fast, Funny stuff |
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| Joe Ricard |
 Jun 20 2007, 08:53 AM
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#1
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CUMONIWANNARACEU  Group: Members Posts: 6,811 Joined: 5-January 03 From: Gautier, MS Member No.: 92  |
The 914 is SOO fast a driver can drive around the world and rear-end himself in his own car.
The new 914 is so badass, anyone who directly looks at it dies... Outer space exists because its afraid to be that close to the 914... The 914 doesnt pWn teh twisties...it KILLS them... The 914 is so powerful, it's a recognized deity in 12 cultures. When the sun dies out, we can use the 914's glowing cat to bring warmth to the solar system. If you look up "fast" in the dictionary, there is a drawing of my 914. No camera in existence is fast enough to take a picture of my 914. The 914 cured world hunger by making speedy Domino's pizza deliveries from Irvine, Ca to third world countries around the globe in 30 minutes or less. It is a proven fact that in an emergency, it is faster to drive the 914 to the police station or hospital than it is to dial all 3 digits of 911. The 914 makes so much torque, it is illegal to use anything but 5th or 6th gear on a public road for fear of ripping the pavement from the ground. The 914 will have so much Torque, it never actually moves - it simply spins and turns the planet underneath as the tires rotate. The 914 powers the Starship Enterprise secretly. Recent archaeological digs found that actually it was the 914 died for our sins, Jesus Christ just drove it. Even MORE recent archaeological evidence points to the failing cat on Jesus' 914 is the leading cause of Global Warming. Eve actually came from a spare 914 part that Adam had in his pocket. The 914 is proof that god exists and has a day job as a designer at Porsche. Only the Divine could have concieved the 914. The 914 was the first car to reach the summit of Mount Everest. The 914 has only two speeds: Stop and YEEEEEE-OOOOW! The 914 has driven to infinity. Twice. You do not need to check the oil in the 914. It uses frankinsense and myrrh. In a race between a Lamborghini Murcielago and a Ford GT, the winner would be the 914. Even if it wasn't there. The 914 takes corners so fast that you can bite yourself on the back of your head. You don't drive a 914 - a 914 Drives you, spanks you, and you beg for more. The 914 lives its life a quarter mile at a time. And for those two seconds or less, it's free. The 914 was never put into production because the prototype was so fast they could never catch it to figure out how to build more. Unfortunately there is no brochure. The 914's specificiations are SOOO high-tech, that they cannot be interrpreted by man. The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the power of the 914's engine. They didn't even come close. The 914 will not be equipped with headlights until Porsche can develop a faster speed of light. The supposed exhaust note of the 914 is actually a sonic boom. The 914 encounters no wind resistance. The air is so terrified it gets out of the way. The 914 can actually eat Lamborghini's. It then craps Honda Civics. The 914 takes corners so fast that it does not do a U turn. It does an I turn. The 914 does not leave strips of rubber. It leaves contrails. The 914 can make the Kessel Run in less than 11 parsecs... The Emperor drives the 914 because it makes HIM feel like a badass. Imperial Starships will drop their cargo at the first sign of an 914 The power to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the 914. The 914 doesnt have MPG it has GPS or Gallons Per Second. Chuck Norris once insulted the 914, he's been doing info-mericals ever since. |
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| jonferns |
Jun 20 2007, 09:01 AM
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#2
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Advanced Member Group: Members Posts: 2,081 Joined: 29-March 07 From: New Jersey Member No.: 7,631 Region Association: North East States 
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this is great stuff....
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| Tobra |
Jun 20 2007, 09:10 AM
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#3
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Senior Member Group: Members Posts: 1,453 Joined: 22-August 05 From: Sacramento, CA Member No.: 4,634 |
Your 914 has a cat? Is its name Morris?
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| Joe Ricard |
Jun 20 2007, 09:17 AM
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#4
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CUMONIWANNARACEU Group: Members Posts: 6,811 Joined: 5-January 03 From: Gautier, MS Member No.: 92 |
QUOTE(Tobra @ Jun 20 2007, 10:10 AM)  Your 914 has a cat? Is its name Morris? Yea my friend stole it from the RX-8 board. He added Joe's 914 to all of it which was really funny. I thought adding Raby engines to this but thought better of it. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) |
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| Jake Raby |
Jun 20 2007, 09:26 AM
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#5
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Engine Surgeon Group: Members Posts: 9,394 Joined: 31-August 03 From: Lost Member No.: 1,095 Region Association: South East States |
Why?
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| Joe Ricard |
Jun 20 2007, 09:55 AM
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#6
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CUMONIWANNARACEU Group: Members Posts: 6,811 Joined: 5-January 03 From: Gautier, MS Member No.: 92 |
QUOTE(Jake Raby @ Jun 20 2007, 10:26 AM) Why? Never take the chance of pissing someone off that you drain good advise from. Some times what I think is funny is not seen the same by all. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif) But hey feel free to put this on your board. We need sumpin to read there too. |
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| Howard |
Jun 20 2007, 10:02 AM
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#7
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Incontin(g)ent Member Group: Benefactors Posts: 5,785 Joined: 24-July 03 From: Westlake Village, CA Member No.: 943 Region Association: None 
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| dflesburg |
Jun 20 2007, 10:13 AM
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#8
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Senior Member Group: Members Posts: 1,720 Joined: 6-April 04 From: Warm and Cheerful Centerville Ohio Member No.: 1,896 Region Association: None |
The government came, took it from me and gave me electroshock treatments until I denied it ever existed.
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| SLITS |
Jun 20 2007, 10:21 AM
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#9
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"This Utah shit is HARSH!" Group: Benefactors Posts: 13,602 Joined: 22-February 04 From: SoCal Mountains ... Member No.: 1,696 Region Association: None |
QUOTE(Joe Ricard @ Jun 20 2007, 07:53 AM) The 914 is SOO fast a driver can drive around the world and rear-end himself in his own car. The new 914 is so badass, anyone who directly looks at it dies... Outer space exists because its afraid to be that close to the 914... The 914 doesnt pWn teh twisties...it KILLS them... The 914 is so powerful, it's a recognized deity in 12 cultures. When the sun dies out, we can use the 914's glowing cat to bring warmth to the solar system. If you look up "fast" in the dictionary, there is a drawing of my 914. No camera in existence is fast enough to take a picture of my 914. The 914 cured world hunger by making speedy Domino's pizza deliveries from Irvine, Ca to third world countries around the globe in 30 minutes or less. It is a proven fact that in an emergency, it is faster to drive the 914 to the police station or hospital than it is to dial all 3 digits of 911. The 914 makes so much torque, it is illegal to use anything but 5th or 6th gear on a public road for fear of ripping the pavement from the ground. The 914 will have so much Torque, it never actually moves - it simply spins and turns the planet underneath as the tires rotate. The 914 powers the Starship Enterprise secretly. Recent archaeological digs found that actually it was the 914 died for our sins, Jesus Christ just drove it. Even MORE recent archaeological evidence points to the failing cat on Jesus' 914 is the leading cause of Global Warming. Eve actually came from a spare 914 part that Adam had in his pocket. The 914 is proof that god exists and has a day job as a designer at Porsche. Only the Divine could have concieved the 914. The 914 was the first car to reach the summit of Mount Everest. The 914 has only two speeds: Stop and YEEEEEE-OOOOW! The 914 has driven to infinity. Twice. You do not need to check the oil in the 914. It uses frankinsense and myrrh. In a race between a Lamborghini Murcielago and a Ford GT, the winner would be the 914. Even if it wasn't there. The 914 takes corners so fast that you can bite yourself on the back of your head. You don't drive a 914 - a 914 Drives you, spanks you, and you beg for more. The 914 lives its life a quarter mile at a time. And for those two seconds or less, it's free. The 914 was never put into production because the prototype was so fast they could never catch it to figure out how to build more. Unfortunately there is no brochure. The 914's specificiations are SOOO high-tech, that they cannot be interrpreted by man. The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the power of the 914's engine. They didn't even come close. The 914 will not be equipped with headlights until Porsche can develop a faster speed of light. The supposed exhaust note of the 914 is actually a sonic boom. The 914 encounters no wind resistance. The air is so terrified it gets out of the way. The 914 can actually eat Lamborghini's. It then craps Honda Civics. The 914 takes corners so fast that it does not do a U turn. It does an I turn. The 914 does not leave strips of rubber. It leaves contrails. The 914 can make the Kessel Run in less than 11 parsecs... The Emperor drives the 914 because it makes HIM feel like a badass. Imperial Starships will drop their cargo at the first sign of an 914 The power to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the 914. The 914 doesnt have MPG it has GPS or Gallons Per Second. Chuck Norris once insulted the 914, he's been doing info-mericals ever since. Been inhaling that swamp gas again Joe? You gotta lay off that stuff .... You're giving the Comedy |
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| Twise |
Jun 20 2007, 10:49 AM
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#10
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Member Group: Members Posts: 475 Joined: 20-September 06 From: SoCal - Temecula Member No.: 6,881 Region Association: Southern California |
11 parsecs - damn thats fast...
I only managed 13 parsecs - without my hyper drive... |
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| URY914 |
Jun 20 2007, 11:33 AM
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#11
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I built the lightest 914 in the history of mankind. Group: Members Posts: 121,106 Joined: 3-February 03 From: Jacksonville, FL Member No.: 222 Region Association: None |
Can a 914 out run a Hilton bill???
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| Joe Ricard |
Jun 20 2007, 11:56 AM
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#12
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CUMONIWANNARACEU Group: Members Posts: 6,811 Joined: 5-January 03 From: Gautier, MS Member No.: 92 |
QUOTE(URY914 @ Jun 20 2007, 12:33 PM) Can a 914 out run a Hilton bill??? Everything has it's limit. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/chairfall.gif) |
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| seejay5 |
Jun 20 2007, 02:22 PM
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#13
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Newbie Group: Members Posts: 13 Joined: 12-June 07 From: Centreville, MD Member No.: 7,808 |
The light at the end of the tunnel it actually a pair of 914 tail lights, unfortunately whe n you die you will never catch them.
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| bd1308 |
Jun 20 2007, 02:22 PM
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#14
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Sir Post-a-lot Group: Members Posts: 8,020 Joined: 24-January 05 From: Louisville,KY Member No.: 3,501 |
914 vs. Chuck Norris?
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