Funny car stories, Tell us your secrets Options

[madd_dogg_914]

I know everybody here has at least ONE funny story about working on their cars. This can be a fabulous thread if you all will tell us one story. I will even start it off.
This JUST happened to me last night, it really aint that great, but it made me feels so dumb I had to share it.

I am getting ready to install a new exhuast system on my Lexus today. I jacked up the rear of the car, get under there, take out old system, put in new system, clean everything up. Lower the car. Get in the car, start the car, put the car in to drive. . . car wont budge. I give it a little gas, makes this horrible grinding sound. So I shut off the car, look underneath, nothing. I am completly stumped. It had been a particularly long day, and I wasn't in the mood for this, so I go inside and make some dinner. I eat, then back to the garage to figure this out. I jack the back of the car up again, get in the car, start it up, e-barake off, make sure rear wheels are spinning, they are. Give it some gas expecting to hear grinding, none. Hmmmmm problem fixed itself. Okay, lower the car, get in SAME THING. Car wont budge and grinding if i give it gas. Mad as hell I get out of the car and walk out to the street to get the mail. As I am walking back I notice the big metal wheel chocks I used on the front. I quickly grab them and put them away. Hop in the car and drive right out to the street. Felt so stupid! Parked the car and looked at the driveway, two nice big indents where the choccks were grinding into the pavement. SHEESH!

So come on, I know there are stories better than that. I have tons of them and as I remember them I will be posting them here. Hopefully everyone else will join in and this can be alot of fun!

-Chris

P.S. Whadaya think of my new avitar, pretty nice huh! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

[elmonte]

Stand back she's going to blow
nothing worse than saline in your eyes

Nice avatar.


I had a friend trying to change the oil in his new GTi. He couldn't get the filter off, and said it's stuck. I gave him a wrench and he kept trying and it wouldn't come out. strange. I tried too and I couldn't do it also. I was like, WTF! He saw me twisting and tugging with my hands and said, "dude you're turing the wrong way man!" I was no man, it's lefty loosey, righty tighty. I know for a fact I'm turing the correct direction.

He said, "No man, it's different from when you are below the car. SO you have to turn it in reverse"

"Stupid! It's the same no matter what!"

After 10 minutes of arguing, he said, "it's opposite of my other GTi, so you turn the wrong way. It's different!"

More arguing, I said, "OK, let me use my wrench and I'll twist counter clockwise, and it it breaks and gets stuck, I'll buy you a new car."

So I twist and it pulls right out. "I told you!"

We were laughing our heads off!

[Mike D.]

OK, so my friend Lea and I are checking out this "73 911 for a guy who want a new engine. He said it hadn't been run in 10 yrs. Well, were going over the car and decide we should check the gas tank for rust, crud whatever, before trying to start the car. We find that there is still gas in the tank...
"well how do we get that old gas out"
"I don't know, How about using the shop vac"
"OK"

And we did. Needless to say it wasn't very long before the entire garage is filled with gas fumes. I'm feeling a little light headded. "Maybe we should open up the windows and doors." (one side of the garage was open BTW).

Just about that time another friend showed. When he walked in he say "What the Fuck?!"

Then proceeds to let us know how rediculously stupid it was to use a vac. to get gas out. Something about static electricity, vacuum moters and flameable materials.

Well, I guess 10 year old gas is less combustable.

GOD SAVES THE DRUNK AND STUPID.

Signed,
anonymous
(I know (IMG:style_emoticons/default/cool.gif) )

[Dave_Darling]

I replaced the rollers on my rear decklid torsion rods. I had read somewhere that it was a good idea to remove the rear deck lid when you did this, as it was somewhat in the way. So I did.

I looked around for something to use to pry the torsion rod down so I could actually replace the roller. I found that a box-end wrench fit OK, and seemed like it would provide enough leverage. Unfortunately, I discovered that it wasn't very stable on there, and would slip around and then come off. So I had to get a very good grip on it to make sure it stayed put while I was levering it downward.

So picture this: Me, laying across the fender with my shoulders and arms in the engine bay, trying to keep this wrench from slipping. Guess where that put my sternum? Right over the little "pocket" that the hinge lives in.

Can you guess what happens next??? Yup. The wrench slips, and the torsion rod catches on the roller pivot, which is a part of the hinge. The hinge rockets up at about Mach 3, and hits me square in the middle of the chest.

The next thing I know, I'm flat on my back looking up at some clouds, and trying to remember how the whole "inhale-exhale" thing works. And I'm in pain. A whole lot of pain.

After about a million years, I finally figured out how to breathe again. It was a day or two before I finished that installation...

--DD

Then proceeds to let us know how rediculously stupid it was to use a vac. to get gas out. Something about static electricity, vacuum moters and flameable materials.

Isn't that the same reason why they don't let people talk on the cell phone at the gas station?

I also had a friend tell me to help him take out the tranny off his VW Golf. He said, slide it off, and I'll bench it out. So I slid it off, it then proceeds to fall on his chest while under the car. My friends and I were laughing so hard, we basically left him there crushed for atleast 5 minutes.

[Gint]

My wife and 3 kids are taking off to go skiing in the Jeep Cherokee and I'm staying home to work on the teener suspension project. Car stalls heading out of the driveway and then it won't start. Common problem on these things for the Nuetral safety switch to require contact cleaning at the connector. I'm pissed off and want to get them out so I can get to work on the 914. So I get out a huge screwdriver to jump the starter so that I can get the car back up the driveway (it's now hanging halfway into the street). You know you sometimes get a little spark when you hit the wrong post or something. BZZZKKZKKZ! OK, no biggie. Find the right terminals, get it started. What's that huge puddle of oil doing on the ground?!?!?! Wife's still in the driver's seat. I yell, "Kill the engine! Shut it off!!!!"

Arc'd a hole right through the oil filter. Turned out OK. Car didn't run for more than 15 seconds. Replaced the filter and the oil and sent 'em on their way. But did I feel like a total dumbass.

[madd_dogg_914]

Arc'd a hole right through the oil filter. Turned out OK. Car didn't run for more than 15 seconds. Replaced the filter and the oil and sent 'em on their way. But did I feel like a total dumbass.

Dude, dumass nuthin! That is AWESOME!

[need4speed]

Went to the first meeting of a local "VW club" about a month after buying my first Ghia. The city is San Luis Obispo, CA.

I show up, and I've got the ONLY aircooled. The rest are Jettas, Golfs, etc. All college students at Cal Poly. They're all gawking at the Ghia, they think it's neat and all, but they're looking at eachother's NEUSPEED stickers and going "Dooode!"

So, I go out for the "Drive" with them, and they head out on the infamous Turri Rd between SLO and Los Osos. It's got some twisties, etc. I'm falling way behind these guys, I've got a stock 1600 DP. They're there to DRIVE!

I come around a bend, and there's a guy standing in front of a blind corner waving his arms wildly for me to slow down, so I slow down, and one of these poor bastards has gone off the road, blew a tire in the turn, and flipped into a creek. I stop and make sure they're alright, and they are, but the kid's driving dad's Jetta, and he's only paying for liability. His dad doesn't know about the muffler, and struts, and other bolt-on mods, boy is he gonnna get it. (I had my 6 yr old son in the front seat with me. Good lesson for him, eh?).

They decided that we should not meet for beers and bbq afterwards, in case the cops ask questions. So I just drove home.

[boxstr]

LOL.... Madddogg I have been saving that avatar for my next change.
CCLINCAMP914

[Zeke]

Re: the shop vac and gas. I think you were damn lucky. I have heard of the vacs blowing up big time doing that. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif)

[Curvie Roadlover]

Here's a funny "day at the track" story. I used to crew for a world challenge team (BMW) a few years ago. We show up at Sebring and send the driver out for the first practice session. He comes back in the pits to report a horrible noise coming from the back of the car during cornering. We check the suspension, etc. everything seems OK. Back out for a few more laps - same thing - horrible crashing/banging sound from the rear of the car. Turns out we had packed the lawn chairs that we use in the paddock in the trunk of the racecar for the trip down to FLA from Michigan - OOPS (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wacko.gif)

[seanery]

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

(that's supposed to be laughter)

I like that story alot curvie!

[airsix]

Arc'd a hole right through the oil filter. Turned out OK. Car didn't run for more than 15 seconds. Replaced the filter and the oil and sent 'em on their way. But did I feel like a total dumbass.

Dude, dumass nuthin! That is AWESOME!

In '89 I was putting something back together under the hood of a Nash Rambler (when I was a kid working in a garage). With my head deep in the engine bay I reached back and set down the nice Matco wrench in my hand. There was a buzzing noise and that "magic smoke" ozone smell. I had set the wrench right across the posts of a brand new Excide. It melted a furrow down the side of one of the terminals and melted half of one of the prongs off the end of the wrench. My boss just looked at it and said "You melted my wrench." (He never got mad or sad or happy. He just made observations.)

-Ben M.

[madd_dogg_914]

Here's a funny story that my friend just brought to my attention. I was doing a thorough cleaning on the interior of my 914, I kept finding intersting stuff from under the seats, but I couldn't reach a lot of it, so . . . out come the seats. Found about $20 worth of quarters, that was nice, some of them were actually embedded in the tar. Put everything back together (so I thought) Go for a drive, pick up my friend (the one that reminded me of this). We are cruising down the street and I told him to put his seat belt on. As soon as I said it traffic stopped fast, so I slammed on the brakes and WHAM, he AND the seat hit the dash. I forgot to bolt down the passanger seat all together, it was just sitting there!

Keep 'em coming guys, these are GREAT!

[Britain Smith]

Alright...I have many of these, but I just have to think of them.

When I was doing the restoration of my 912 a friend and I were driving a short distance to the upholstery shop to get the headliner put in. I had all the windows out of the car, including the front window, and we were driving at a reasonable 20mph or so...either way we couldn't hear eachother because of the wind. Anyway, he is trying to get the passenger seat to move forward a bit and all of a sudden the fire extinguisher which had rolled under the seat goes off. The stuff shoots everywhere in the car and neither of us can see where we are going and we a screaming at eachother to figure out how to turn it off. I quickly pull over the car and we both fall out choking to death and spitting out the extinguisher stuff. The entire car and both of us was covered in a yellow powder. I eventually pulled up to the upholstery shop were the owner is laughing histerically. We then spend about 3 hours wiping down the interior and vaccuming the yellow powder up. Not a fun day...

-Britain

[tryan]

i was changing the throttle cable or clutch cable on a 'sun bug' in a parking lot. the damn thing would not feed through. i wiggled my skinny ass under car. (no jack no nuthin.)

i asked the car owner to wiggle the cable at the pedals and try to feed it on through. instead of kneeling down, he sits down in the drivers seat. that was my last exhale. i was kicking my legs trying to get his attention, but he just kept asking if i got it yet?
have you got it yet? have you got it? he finally got out of the car and pulled my passed out blue body out from under the car. when i came around, he asked, did you get it?

[fuch toy]

I had a jet boat....big block chebby engine. Bolted the new motor in, hooked up the headers, linkgae to the jet drive, slammed in the dizzy and started on the intake and carbs.......AH SHIT.....dropped a bolt down the the intake......heard it go ping, ping thud.....down the pan.....

Had to pull that sumbitch COMPLETELY out and drop the oil pan to get that stoopid bolt..... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/mad.gif)

[rhodyguy]

this isn't a repair story but you might find it humorus, i found it humorless at the time. this center pad came in a parts car long ago. i carried my registration and insurance card in the center tray so i didn't have to dig around in the glove box. got pulled over. got the "licience, reg, and proof of ins please sir". flipped the pad over. wrong move. next thing i knew, the only 2 things i could see were a bright flashlight and the bore of a very large hand gun. "OUT OF THE CAR AND ON THE GROUND WITH YOUR HANDS OVER YOUR HEAD!!!!!. click, click on with the cuffs. 45 min later, 3 sherrifs, everything, and i mean everything out of my car laying in a heap in the road. then they wanted an explination. told them the parts car story and that i owned no fire arms. "MR POWERS, IT'S PROBABLY BEST YOU DON'T USE THAT INTERIOR PIECE". took it out and never put it back in. check out the carved out foam in the bottom.

kevin

[gocubs914]

had to change a clutch in a datsun 1600 roadster.involves pulling engine and tramsmission at same time.put it all back together ,sit in the car to crank it up and see the throwout bearing laying in the passenger seat. do over!!!!!!