Funny car stories, Tell us your secrets Options

[Curvie Roadlover]

Hey rhodyguy, I guess the cops don't take too kindly to people who smuggle gas pump filler nozzles,eh? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

[Lawrence]

We were putting the finishing touches on the Bumblebee. The targa top came without a headliner. So, Pam had gone to the fabric store and got a large section of yellow felt to put in the top. It kind of went with the whole black/yellow theme, so I didn't argue.

I was on a real soundproofing kick. You know, the stick on mats that you can buy at FLAPS or stereo stores? I bought a ton of that crap. I decided that I could eliminate some road noise by putting two sheets of the stuff on the inside of the targa top.

We're driving down the road on a hot day, at the Mid US Ramble... and all of a sudden, something hits my head, and I can't see shit.

The hot sun had loosened the glue on the stick-on soundproofing, and it ripped the liner down. All this in one swoop on my head, while I'm driving at speed on these little country roads!

I felt pretty stupid. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

-Rusty

[Matt914MI]

One time about a year ago, I was attempting to remove water from the carpet of my E30 BMW. So, I find good spots to drill 2 holes through the carpet and floorpan without hitting anything else to let it drain out. This worked quite nicely, but there was still a low spot in the floor that water wasn't draining from, so I decide to get the drill back out and drill one more hole in the low spot. Satisfied, I put away the drill and went inside to get ready for work. Came back out ten minutes later, put in neutral and let roll down the driveway as I try to start it when it reaches the road. Wouldn't start and all I could smell was gas. As it turns out, there is a fuel line and a brake line that run right under that low spot in the floorpan. Attempting to start the car shot fuel up in through the hole, soaking the carpet and foam underneath with fuel. I took the day off, removed most of the interior, and fixed the high pressure fuel line i hit. I also capped off the brake line and drove around with only front brakes for a few days before I fixed that. Moral of the story: look before you drill. Oh well, the car is still my daily driver, and still has no carpet.

[mskala]

Long ago, just after I got my first 914, which had a bad
speedo angle drive so I had no speedo, we were cruising
down the back roads of upstate ny, and a cop goes by
the other way, hits the lights and takes about a minute
to turn around. I had pulled over and was stopped way
before that. He tells me we were doing 72 in a 45. I said
(the truth) just got the car and speedo doesn't work. Then
he says "I'm surprised you stopped, these cruisers top out
at 'bout 95". I told him I didn't play that. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)
Mark S.
'70 914-6

[Kargeek]

Back in the late 70's I had this mid engined Chevy van. It was nice with a built small block, turbo 400 etc. I had worked in the van conversion business and the truck was done real nice. My friend calls me up, tells me his battery is dead and can I come over and give him a jump start. Now the battery in this thing is located down in a floor well. I dig out the jumpers and proceed to attach them to the battery in the well and BAM! the battery blows up with my hands on the cables. After I confirmed that I still had my body parts- arms and hands- I asked what the #@!*. My buddy had been holding the ends of the cables together! Now here I have a battery with the sides blown out but, both cables are still attached and I tell him" your going to buy be a new Dihard" He says, how are we going to get to Sears to buy one? Well, only one cell is left but, both cables are attached so, let's see if it starts! It did, and at Sears we asked if it was covered under warranty! It wasn't but it was a good story.

[SirAndy]

hmmm, let's see ...

what about the time when i got pulled over by 2 cops that were drunk as fuck.
they couldn't even hold their guns straight. and they made ME give them my car-keys and I had to walk home. go figure.

or the day i took my 72 beetle ice-skating. damm that was fun.

or the night i had 7 people in my beetle, we were on our way to a show and we picked up 2 hitchikers and their dog on the way. they thought we were joking when we stopped. haha, i'm glad the cops were not around that time.

or that day when i was taking off the spring from a shock and didn't use a spring compressor. one second i'm wrenching on the top. next thing i know, the wrench is gone, and so is the spring. i hear the wrench falling on the floor across the garage, but no sign of the spring. i look up and the spring has punched a big hole in the wooden ceiling and is stucked in the insulation above. if i had leaned over a inch or so, my face would look a bit different these days.

or that day when i picked up a few friends in town (again with the bug) and one gets in the back and somehow manages to ripp the battery cable of the battery (under the back seat), it slides under my seat, sparking like fireworks. my seat starts burning! we, in total panic, get out of the car. in the middle of the city. what to do? meanwhile, the whole seat is in flames. my friend grabs a public trashcan, runs to a nearby fountain, fills it up and pours it over the drivers seat. the fire is out but now i have 4 inches of water in the car. no problem, i take a screw-driver and hammer (standard equippment in any old bug) and poke a few holes in the floor. water drains out, i hook the battery cable back up and we drive away. needless to say, i had a pretty wet butt all evening.

Andy

[Jeroen]

This is from a trip with my wife to the US back in '97...
After several crappy flights (3 transfers and our luggage lost) we finally arrive at the Minneapolis airport at about midnight.
We pic up the rental car and directions to our hotel, which is in downtown Minneapolis.

Not a fun ride... been awake for over 24hours and now need to adjust to the US road system and the automatic transmission of our rentalcar.

Well the directions are pretty good, untill the last bit.
The area around the hotel has lots of road reconstructions going on and we can't use the some of the streets in the directions.
I know we're really close to the hotel, but still can't find it. Then suddenly my wife yell "there it is!"

It's on our left on end of the street. So, I wait for the light to change and turn left, heading towards the hotel.
Halfway down the street, there's traffic coming head on to us! Fuck, I just turned into a one-way street! Turns out that the constructionworkers knocked over the one-way street sign...

Luckily, at this hour there isn't much traffic and I coast to the side of the road... then a siren goes of behind me: police

Now, in our country, it custom to get out of the car, so you can talk to the cops when they stop you. So, with my weiry mind, that's exactly what I do (stooopid!)

The minute I open my door, the cop goes over the megaphone "stay in the car and keep your hands on the wheel!"
It takes him at least 5 minutes before he gets out of his (prolly checking the licenseplates) and when he does, I see him unclip the holster of his sidearm.
At the same moment there are 4 more police cars coming to us from 4 different directions, so I say to my wife: "hunny, this is not a good time to browse the glovecompartment"

Well, I explained to the cop what happened and after he check my weird looking driverslicense he was very nice and escorted us against traffic to the hotel.

cheers,

Jeroen

[fuch toy]

Yer lucky yer name wasn't Habib or sumthin'...... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif)

[meursault]

I was trying to think of something for this topic. I know I've done TONS of stupid car tricks in the years I've been working on them, but this is the only one that currently comes to mind:

I was working on a 914 2 liter at my father's shop and I think I must have been trying to fix something to do with the oil temperature sensor at the bottom. It must not have occurred to me at the time that there's about 4 quarts of oil above it. I had taken off the two 6mm bolts and pried at the plate. Oil dumps out and I look like a casualty of the Exxon Valdez at this point. The owner of the car, who watched the whole thing, just said, "Well, I hadn't asked for an oil change..."

I'm just generally a disaster around any auto fluids. Keep me away from a pan full of oil or coolant, or anything. I'm bound to find some way to knock it over.

[Jeroen]

I'm some winding country side roads in the middle of nowhere... weather is good and the 911 is hauling ass.
All of a sudden the car starts to stutter and dies on me... Crap!
Ofcourse I didn't bring my cellphone, and I'm really in the middle of nowhere, just farmland, but not a farm or house in sight.
So, I pop the hood and start poking around in the engine department to see if anything got loose. Can't find a damn thing wrong. Now I'm screwed and I'm looking around trying to decide which way I should start walking.
At that very moment, I hear some one yelling: "hello!"
So I look around, but there's no one there. So I start walking, but then I hear it again: "Hello!"
Am I loosing my mind? I look around again, but there's no one there, just a horse.
It must have been the heat or the adrenalin rush from driving, so I continue walking (heck, it could be worse, it could be raining).
Then I hear the same voice again: "Hey mister, do you need help with your car or what?"
Now it's getting on my nerves, so I look again and as I look at the horse behind the fence it starts talking to me: "yeah, that's right, I'm talking to you. Do you need help with your car?"
What the f? I look around again, and there's nobody in sight, so what the heck, I talk back to the horse: "yeah, I could use some help. The car just died on me and I can't find anything wrong with it"
So the horse replies: "Mind if I take a look?" and it starts climbing over the fence.
I'm completely stoopified, but I say: "sure, why not"
So the horse looks into my engine compartment, fumbles around abit and asks me to start the car.
I'm thinking "Yeah right...", but do it anyway. And WTF? It starts right away!
So, I thank the horse and I'm on my way again.
In the very first town I get to, I stop at a bar. I need a drink!
So the bartender asks me what I want and I order a beer. "Looks like you could use something harder" the bartender replies.
"Yeah, well, maybe I can" I say and tell him what just happened.
After I tell the story, I'm pretty sure he'll kick me out of the bar, but since nobody knows me in this little town anyway, I could care less.
To my surprise the bartenders ask me: "Was it a brown or a black horse?"
Duh! So I tell him it was a brown horse...
"Oh, then you'll be just fine. The black horse dunno shit about Porsches"

cheers,

Jeroen

[silver six]

This is more of a driving story than a repair story:

I'm taking a cross country trip in my 71 Westfalia. It's a beautiful bus I restored from the ground, up with a red body and a white camper top and white bumpers.

In the middle of Kansas I get pulled over by a small town cop. The cop sees my California plates and my hippie bus and just runs my registration. After 30 minutes or so he informs me that my registration has expired. I show him the sticker on the plates and it's still current. No. He insists that the plates have expired. I show him the documentation that indicates my registration is still good and he scratches his head. He runs my plates again. Now about 45 minutes later and running my plates about a dozen times he explains that my plate "012 ED1" is expired.

I explain to him that my plate does not read "012 ED1," rather it reads "012 EDI." He looks at the "I" on the plate and insists that it looks like a "1." But after a while he concedes that it probably is an "I." So now about an hour since he first pulled me over, he runs my plates again and, yep, it comes up clean and current. So it turns out that I got pulled over because the cop thinks a letter is a number.

So now he's pretty embarrassed and annoyed but I'm keeping cool as possible. He's looking for any excuse to hassle the hippie from California to save face because all his buddies have showed up and now there are three cop cars securing the area against me, the guy with the dangerous not-expired plates that make the letters look like numbers.

So then the cop asks for proof of insurance, which I show him. So now has all manner of documents. He has my driver's licence, my proof of insurance, my registration, and he's run checks on all of them and can't find anything to book me on. My tires have tread, my blinkers and brake lights work. Nothing is wrong and the cop is really embarrassed.

So as a last ditch effort he asks me "Doesn't California require front license plates?" And this is really weird because when you are in Kansas, it really doesn't matter what the law of another state is. Kansas law, not California law covers Kansans. But I don't want to start an argument with the guy, so I just answer "Yeah. In Californai you need front plates." So he asks where my front plates are. So I'm in the driver seat and I stick my arm straight out in front of me and point downward.

The cop steps back looks at my front bumper on the driver's side and sees my plate. He gives me back my documents and wishes me a good day.

Douglas

[Curvie Roadlover]

I was waiting for you to say he kicked out your tail light and wrote you a ticket for that!! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif)

[seanery]

That would be New Rome, OH.

Did anyone read the story in last month's Car & Driver about it?
Takes you back to brother marrying sister....whew way redneck.
Scary thing is, it's only 6 miles west of Columbus, OH on US40.

We have 10 times as many people here as they have residents!

[Pnambic]

For clarification's sake, the "we" seanery is talking about is this BBS.
As in this BBS has 10 times as many "residents" as New Rome, OH.

And they pulled in almost $400,000 dollars in traffic fines in 2001. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif)

Town Without Pity

yikes!

[fuch toy]

Sounds like they need a little low yield nuclear bomb in that town.... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/finger.gif)

[Carl]

I’m reminded of a story about a guy that bought A VW when they first came to the U.S. It was new, different and an odd little car.

As you recall, the early bugs didn't have a gas gauge. There was a lever located above and to the right of the gas pedal that allowed the driver to switch from the regular fuel supply to a “reserve” that had enough gas to get the car to a station.

So this guy is really proud of his car. He can save gas, it’s cheap to run and it’s practical. He’s bragging to all his friends how smart he is and the future cars of the world will be like his cute, new little VW, not like the slugs they’re driving.

He commutes to work in the bug so a couple buddies decide to play a trick on him. At night they sneak into his garage and refill the gas tank. The proud owner thinks everything is working the way it was meant to be.

Weeks later they begin siphoning gas each time, instead.

Soon, the owner is back at the dealer saying, "I just can't figure out what's wrong. For the first month and half I got the normal 125 mpg and now …”

Carl

[jimtab]

This happened years back when I was driving one of those VWs that had no gas gauge, with the reserve handle. But, if you didn't reset the handle when you filled up then, oops, no reserve. Well, I ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere (before cell phones) so I walked to the nearest farm and asked at the house if I could get some gas and the farmer called aaa for me and while we waited I noticed he had a pig that was fitted with a wooden leg. I had never seen anything like this and asked the guy what the story was. He proceeded to get really pissed, told me that the pig was a beloved family member, that it had saved his son from drowning in a farm pond, had alerted them to a barn fire and enabled them to save the rest of the stock by awakening them before the barn was fully envolved, etc. When the guy finally ran down, I apologized for any percieved offense and explained that I just wanted to know how the pig came by the wooden leg. He replied,"when you love an animal as much as we love that pig, you just don't eat 'em all at once." Jim (IMG:style_emoticons/default/mueba.gif)

[street legal go-kart]

another boat story
i have a restored old cris craft with a early vette engine , after doing some wrk under dash reinstaled the cable steering . take the boat to the sac river delta with my uncle and brother for a weekend of fun and sun . after a day of cruising around fishing skiing ect i turn the wheel over to my uncle , i jump in back .he decided to circle an island where some young ladys were sunning them selves .after about the third circut , each faster than the last , hence more steering input , he goes to straighten out the wheel and the cable has wraped around itself .
automatic reaction , lift off the throttle , boat makes a hard left and we joined the young ladys on the island , a la james bond . not the best entrance but all worked out well and my unc is still known far and wide as Capt. Beachit (IMG:style_emoticons/default/beerchug.gif)