stupid engine jokes, really stupid... Options

[stugray]

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Porsche 914 when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes when the mechanic shouted across the garage: "Hey doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the Type IV. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked: "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over and whispered to the mechanic: "Try doing it with the engine running."

[Maltese Falcon]

Real sign In a Chevy dealer parts dept. ( CIRCA '70S ):
If you think that our parts prices are TOO HIGH, send your wife over and we will dikker. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif)

[ClayPerrine]

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Porsche 914 when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes when the mechanic shouted across the garage: "Hey doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the Type IV. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked: "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over and whispered to the mechanic: "Try doing it with the engine running."

I had a doctor as a customer back when I fixed cars for a living. I told her it wasn't fair.. I had to be able to fix multiple makes and models of cars, and she only had one make and two models to deal with. But she got the big bucks and I got paid really poorly. Her response was "Mine didn't come with any kind of repair manual, the manufacturer changes things without notice, and I can't turn it off to fix it."

[ClayPerrine]

A drunk is walking past a repair shop. Near the front of one of the bays, there is a mechanic cussing and swearing at the engine in a car. The drunk asks him what is wrong. The mechanic says "Piston Broke". The drunk laughs and says "So am I!"

[majkos]

After getting a high bid to just paint his porch,
he decides hire a couple of bums, how hard to paint a porch?

he finds a couple willing to do the work for cheap,
take them home, and tells them,

"You'll find everything you need in the garage."
then leave for work,
Hours later, he's home,
and the porch isn't touch!!

goes around back, find them drinking ,
"Why are you drinking!? you didn't paint the porch!"

One of 'em says"We painted the porch, but it's no porch, it's a Mercedes." (IMG:style_emoticons/default/av-943.gif)

[mgp4591]

A gynecologist got tired of his same old grind and decided he wanted to be a mechanic.(doesn't make sense to me either, but it's suppose to be joke- bear with it!)So he enrolls in the best tech school in the country and excels in all his courses, get ready for his final exam and graduation. He passes his entire course with 140% in grades and is slightly baffled but prepares for graduation ceremonies where he's given a special award for his skills. Again, up on the rostrum he expresses his confusion on his 140% grade. "We always expect the highest degree of proficiency from our students (explains the Dean) but you have exceeded all expectations of your instructors by completely assembling and engine through the exhaust system!" (IMG:style_emoticons/default/w00t.gif)

[a few loose screws]

HOMOTRON: A Gay electron that goes around blowing fuses.

[ThePaintedMan]

The others were really funny... the last one was a little much for my taste. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/dry.gif)

[scotty b]

A guy walks into a parts store and says "I need a gas cap for my MGB."

The store owner says, "okay, sounds like a fair trade."

Store owner got screwed (IMG:style_emoticons/default/hide.gif)

[majkos]

A guy walks into a parts store and says "I need a gas cap for my MGB."

The store owner says, "okay, sounds like a fair trade."

Store owner got screwed (IMG:style_emoticons/default/hide.gif)

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/av-943.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/av-943.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/av-943.gif)
i thought "kindla" high,
but fair.

"it's all good" (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smoke.gif)