OT: Mens Rules, Very funny.. Options

[Andyrew]

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Blah, blah,
blah....

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Listen up!

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like
camping.


(IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolling.gif)

[Jenny]

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Since there are no other girls on this BBS... (at least none that are actively posting) I'll field this one...

Ahem... YOU DON'T ACCIDENTALLY FALL IN TO THE BOWL IF WE LEAVE THE TOILET SEAT DOWN! WORST THING THAT HAPPENS IS YOU TINKLE ON THE SEAT. WE GET OUR ASS STUCK IN THE BOWL WITH OUR LEGS UP IN THE AIR!

I, of course, have nothing to complain about. My SO always puts BOTH seat and cover down.
(IMG:style_emoticons/default/wub.gif)

Jen

[Part Pricer]

We actually LOOK at the toilet before we use it. Is it too much to ask that women do the same?

[Jenny]

You look at it because you have to to aim your :dhead:
We back our (IMG:style_emoticons/default/bootyshake.gif) onto it, and thare are no rear view mirrors. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/lol2.gif)

Jen

[Jeff Bonanno]

J,

the only one who has been able to train me to put the seat down is my dog!

(too gross to get a sloppy kiss after she takes a good long drink (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) )

jbb

[Bruce Allert]

J,

the only one who has been able to train me to put the seat down is my dog!

(too gross to get a sloppy kiss after she takes a good long drink (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) )

jbb

I whole heartedly agree wit'cha... I got 4 that would soak me (IMG:style_emoticons/default/cool.gif)
bruce

[SirAndy]

that's too funny ...

my wife's the one who always leaves the toilet-seat up and i'm the one bitchin about it (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

Andy

[Part Pricer]

my wife's the one who always leaves the toilet-seat up and i'm the one bitchin about it (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

Why? Do you always sit down? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

[David_S]

We get griped at if we don't raise the seat and we get griped at if we don't put it back down. One way to fix it is to just P in the sink (IMG:style_emoticons/default/happy11.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif) . Then there is no lid to argue about!

[madd_dogg_914]

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

That is funny!

I agree with all of them except one:

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.

I can think of a couple occasions where this may not be the best solution. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif) And all instances occur in the bedroom, or on the pool table (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

[Brad Roberts]

Yep.

We dont try to go pee in the middle of the night with the friggin light off in the bathroom.

I just use my own bathroom.....


B

[Rouser]

You left out a bunch of others:

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present, again!

1. Sometimes, we’re not thinking about you. Deal with it.

1. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different; it's just like every other cat.

1. Dogs are better than ANY stupid cats. Period.

1. Anything you wear is fine. Really!

1. Your brother’s an idiot, your ex-boyfriend’s an idiot, and your Dad’s probably one too.

1. No, we don't know what day it is, and we never will. Mark special events on a calendar.

1. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than pissing from point-blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

1. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

1. Check the oil. Please.

1. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 are sufficient.

1. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

1. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the latest quiz together.

1. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

1. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out. GET IT?! GOT IT?!! GOOD!!!

1. Women wearing Wonder Bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

1. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.

1. Fussing about the cheap-looking models in men's magazines makes you look jealous and petty, and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

1. Anyone can buy condoms, but only women can buy tampons.

[Joe Bob]

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.  If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.  You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Since there are no other girls on this BBS... (at least none that are actively posting) I'll field this one...

Ahem... YOU DON'T ACCIDENTALLY FALL IN TO THE BOWL IF WE LEAVE THE TOILET SEAT DOWN! WORST THING THAT HAPPENS IS YOU TINKLE ON THE SEAT. WE GET OUR ASS STUCK IN THE BOWL WITH OUR LEGS UP IN THE AIR!

I, of course, have nothing to complain about. My SO always puts BOTH seat and cover down.
(IMG:style_emoticons/default/wub.gif)

Jen

Thank you for that visual....the dreams I will have tonite..... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/pray.gif)

[Bruce Allert]

We need a smiley depicting that movement (IMG:style_emoticons/default/bootyshake.gif)
bruce (IMG:style_emoticons/default/lol2.gif)

[Andyrew]

Ok Bruce!

[Dave Cawdrey]

Nicely done! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/clap56.gif)

[ninefourteener]

And the #1 rule for women........

"If you like something we do to you....... Chances are it was taught to us by another woman a long time ago, and practiced on many before you. Enjoy the fact you are getting it, and don't question the manner in which we learned it................. you won't like the answer"

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/beerchug.gif)

[rhodyguy]

here's one for YOUR list jenny.

1. if you insist on spraying pee all over the bowl, you clean the bathroom. the LAW in my house!

kevin