Auto x essay, Thought you guys might enjoy it... Options

[Andyrew]

I had to write an essay for school, and like normal I wrote about cars (my english teacher and fellow classmates are getting tired of this (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) ) I should warn you though, its 800 words..

"Some people like to sleep in on Saturday, but not all. There is a group of people (not just guys, there’s some girls out there) that like to get up on Saturday and drive to a parking lot, set up some pylons (cones) to make out a course, rig up some sort of timing device, and drive 60+mph through the cones in a parking lot (legally). This is called an Autocross.
I don’t know if it is possible to be perfect out on the course, when your constantly learning, making minor mistakes, and having fun; but doing your best is not impossible. I spend one Friday night checking our stuff, the minor list of things to bring for the autocross the next day. Some of the things are, racing wheels (tires), tire pressure gauge (if you haven’t checked the pressure of the tires on your car, consider this a reminder), sunscreen, hats, gloves, helmet, tools, drinks and food. Although you wouldn’t think all of it would fit in a Porsche, but then again, you wouldn’t think a 16 year old would be able to afford a Porsche.
I wake up early, about an hour and a half earlier than normal, and I check to see if Dad is awake. Nope, he is lying in bed with his clock on the side about to trigger the alarm; instead of waking up mom, I reach down and shut off the alarm clock and wake my father. We get ready and gather all of our stuff that’s not already packed in the car. Soon we are on our way.
We arrive and find the parking lot already filling up with cars; looks like it will be a nice turnout. We empty the stuff out of the car and register for the event, the lady registering gives us a card to fill out with some details about ourselves and the car. Afterwards we walk back to the car and remove the street tires and put the race tires on. We switch tires because on an autocross having the tires grip is the most important part of the driving, and to be on the limit where the tires let go and where the grip is optimum for driving around the course fast.
After we change the tires, we had some time to kill, so I decided to check out some of the other cars and talk to some of the people. This was a Porsche event so it was all Porsche’s, and in that kind of event you can see some serious money being spent on the cars (I am talking like $30,000, not including the car).
After all the cars have been registered for the event, it was time to drive, after all the cars drive to the pits to be checked to make sure they are fit to go on the course. Soon it is my turn to drive. My dad and I jump in the car and put on our helmets and wait on the starting grid. When I pull up to the starting line, I have to concentrate on the course, reviewing it in my head and reminding myself when to brake hard, and when to just stomp on the gas. I get the go from the starting guy to go, and I let out the clutch and floor it. A quick shift into second sets myself up so I don’t have to worry about shifting through the rest of the course. A tight left hand turn on the cold race tires gives me less than anticipated tire grip (racing tires when warmed up will grip much better than cold), forces me to let off the gas and turn in more, but oops, too much, now my wheels are turned all the way, but im not turning. Brakes give me the needed traction to the front tires and allows me to complete the turn, and gives me a mental note to take that corner slower. A couple more turns and im into a long left sweeper, I punch the gas but I start to spin the rear tires (going 40 mind you), I either need new tires, or I need to let off the gas, I’ll let off the gas for now. Straight away, Yay! Gas down, sit back and enjoy the ride, oh but there is a turn coming up, brake, turn, another straight, Yay!
I finish off the rest of the course slipping and sliding all over the place, telling myself that it was the tires (in which it was, but it was mostly my inexperience). All in all it was a very learning experience, I was just a few seconds off my dads time, and we had a lot of fun. Next time, my car."

[-P-]

Very cool. A bit choppy in parts which could flow better, but overall, nicely done. Read it back to yourself tommorrow and you will find better ways to convey your ideas

[EdwardBlume]

You have plenty of facts. If you want to add to it, try using some sensory images (ie sounds, touch, sight, smell, taste) and make the reader find something by reading it (who will win? Dad?). Just some writing tricks to ponder....

Come on out this Sunday at Marina!!!!!

Take care, R

[Andyrew]

I would elaborate, but I was getting close to the limits of the essay.. That was my rough draft, and my english teacher wanted 600-900 words, 901 words and its no good.. I was just laying out the facts in a simple way so that almost anyone could understand it. Thanks for your coments.

Andrew

Sunday, hmmm... nope I have a brunch thing (I dono, mom makes the plans..). You going to the auto x the 18 and 19 that the YOS region PCA is holding? I will be at that.. maybe with my car..

[fiid]

Is this about the long PCA course from about a week ago??

Nice work. I also think you could smooth it out some, but that's what the drafts are for. Read it through a few times like P and campvwguy said.

l8r,

Fiid.

[ChrisReale]

I like it. I second the idea about including other sences, such as smell etc... . In my opinion, there is no other smell that that of hot race tires. I LOVE that smell.

Also, I envy you because this is something you get to do with your pops. My dad died when I was 20 (im now 24) and I "inherited" the 914. AX'ing would be something we would have done together. Take advantage of the good times, and dont forget them! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smilie_pokal.gif)

[Jeff Bonanno]

Andy,

this essay HAS to be accepted with 914 words!

[Andyrew]

Fidd, yes it was about the long PCA course.

I think I will add some more info, elaborate on the cars, add some detail, put some detail about during the ax, like me flatspoting all the tires and sliding through the cones.

914 content? The last line.

[Jeff Bonanno]

yeah i saw that Andy, i meant nine hundred and fourteen words!

your enthusiasm is infective.

[Andyrew]

Lol, if it was 914 words, my teacher would not have accepted it! The limit was 900 words..

[Jeroen]

Hey Andrew,

Try to be a little less detailed. Most of your classmates and the teacher don't have a clue about ax-ing. And because they can't relate, the details aint important and will make it even less interesting for them to read about.
If you want to get them involved with the story, introduce simple things to which they can relate: emotion
Describe the anticipation when you wake up. You know, the adrenalin rush that you have when you are supposed to be sleapy and not quite eager to get out of bed.
The build up of the tension as you do the walk/talk.
The things shooting through your mind as you wait for the starter to send you on your way.
The release of energie when he does.
The stress about being fast, but not too fast and keeping the car under controle.

People may not be able to relate to an AX, but they can relate to these emotions. That way, they will be able to see through your eyes... and you will grab their attention

Try to add some humor here and there (just a little to throw them off)

Fooling around with the cronological order of the story will give it a nice twist too...

Now go do your homework!
(and don't forget to show us your next draft)
(IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

cheers,

Jeroen

[Aaron Cox]

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/lol2.gif) plagerizer! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) I wrote that

jk...needs a little more flow- neat (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

[dan10101]

Ok, We have to get a few things straight. He's embellishing for the sake of 'art'. Although this is based on fact, he's actually mixing up 2 AXs. I never run with him at PCA AXs. They only allow instructors to ride along. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ar15.gif)

We did make several together runs at a SCCA AX. I'm impressed by his smoothness. He's a very good driver and with some experience he'll give me a run.

Thanks for the suggestions. He's better at driving than english, comming from you guys, maybe he'll learn more than from his teacher...
Daddy DanD

[Eric Taylor]

Very cool andy. I should start writing about the 914 more at school.
Eric