My 914 is SOOO fast, Funny stuff Options

[Joe Ricard]

The 914 is SOO fast a driver can drive around the world and rear-end himself in his own car.

The new 914 is so badass, anyone who directly looks at it dies...

Outer space exists because its afraid to be that close to the 914...

The 914 doesnt pWn teh twisties...it KILLS them...

The 914 is so powerful, it's a recognized deity in 12 cultures.

When the sun dies out, we can use the 914's glowing cat to bring warmth to the solar system.

If you look up "fast" in the dictionary, there is a drawing of my 914.
No camera in existence is fast enough to take a picture of my 914.

The 914 cured world hunger by making speedy Domino's pizza deliveries from Irvine, Ca to third world countries around the globe in 30 minutes or less.

It is a proven fact that in an emergency, it is faster to drive the 914 to the police station or hospital than it is to dial all 3 digits of 911.

The 914 makes so much torque, it is illegal to use anything but 5th or 6th gear on a public road for fear of ripping the pavement from the ground.

The 914 will have so much Torque, it never actually moves - it simply spins and turns the planet underneath as the tires rotate.

The 914 powers the Starship Enterprise secretly.

Recent archaeological digs found that actually it was the 914 died for our sins, Jesus Christ just drove it.

Even MORE recent archaeological evidence points to the failing cat on Jesus' 914 is the leading cause of Global Warming.

Eve actually came from a spare 914 part that Adam had in his pocket.

The 914 is proof that god exists and has a day job as a designer at Porsche. Only the Divine could have concieved the 914.

The 914 was the first car to reach the summit of Mount Everest.

The 914 has only two speeds: Stop and YEEEEEE-OOOOW!

The 914 has driven to infinity. Twice.

You do not need to check the oil in the 914. It uses frankinsense and myrrh.

In a race between a Lamborghini Murcielago and a Ford GT, the winner would be the 914. Even if it wasn't there.

The 914 takes corners so fast that you can bite yourself on the back of your head.

You don't drive a 914 - a 914 Drives you, spanks you, and you beg for more.

The 914 lives its life a quarter mile at a time. And for those two seconds or less, it's free.

The 914 was never put into production because the prototype was so fast they could never catch it to figure out how to build more.

Unfortunately there is no brochure. The 914's specificiations are SOOO high-tech, that they cannot be interrpreted by man.

The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the power of the 914's engine. They didn't even come close.

The 914 will not be equipped with headlights until Porsche can develop a faster speed of light.

The supposed exhaust note of the 914 is actually a sonic boom.

The 914 encounters no wind resistance. The air is so terrified it gets out of the way.

The 914 can actually eat Lamborghini's. It then craps Honda Civics.

The 914 takes corners so fast that it does not do a U turn. It does an I turn.

The 914 does not leave strips of rubber. It leaves contrails.

The 914 can make the Kessel Run in less than 11 parsecs...

The Emperor drives the 914 because it makes HIM feel like a badass.

Imperial Starships will drop their cargo at the first sign of an 914

The power to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the 914.

The 914 doesnt have MPG it has GPS or Gallons Per Second.

Chuck Norris once insulted the 914, he's been doing info-mericals ever since.