FROM: Bin Laden, Osama.

TO: All Al Qaeda Fighters.

SUBJECT: The Cave

Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really
come together as a group and I love that!

However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of
the cave, and frankly I have a few concerns:

First of all: While it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we
should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to
avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so we need
to sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning roster - have
you? I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to
the Halal toaster/griller).

Second: It's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm tryin to
scare the hell out of most of the world's population, okay? That means
that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background
or keep doing the 'Wasssuuup' thing. Thanks.

Third: Food. I bought a box of Bega cheese recently, clearly wrote
"Ossy" on the front, and put it on the top shelf of the fridge. Today,
two of my Bega slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance
ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. And Please - do not
chant "Ossy, Ossy, Ossy. Oii Oii Oii" when I ride past on the donkey.
Thanks.

Fifth: Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F**** DONKEYS" on the group toilet
wall, it's a lie. The donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving
myself at the edge of the mountain.

Sixth: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse
that the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the
edge of the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys there
is a grey area).

Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying
to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them.
First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.

Love you lots, Group Hug. Os.

PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry bag.
Cut it out, it's not funny anymore

Rusty,

You should send that to the Al Jazera network!

Rusty I've gotta hand it to you. We can't even imagine what you have seen and been through over there, but you have kept your sense of humor anyway.

Be safe.

Chris H.

I can't breathe, I can't breathe!


Did you write that???

Thats the second time this week my secretary has had to take a message from somebody because I was laffin too hard at something I read on this BBS to talk on the phone (Levi, you know who you are). You guys are a very bad influence.

I gotta go wipe myself again.