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For the Ladies......

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned
> >
> > by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch
> >
> > could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's
> >
> > youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his
> >
> > freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult
> >
> > question. Arthur would have a year to figure out
> >
> > the answer and, if after a year, he still had no
> >
> > answer, he would be put to death.
> >
> > The question?.... What do women really want?
> >
> > Such a question would perplex even the most
> >
> > knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an
> >
> > impossible query. But, since it was better than
> >
> > death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have
> >
> > an answer by year's end.
> >
> > He returned to his kingdom and began to poll
> >
> > everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men
> >
> > and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone,
> >
> > but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
> >
> > Many people advised him to consult the old
> >
> > witch, for only she would have the answer.
> >
> > But the price would be high; as the witch was
> >
> > famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant
> >
> > prices she charged.
> >
> > The last day of the year arrived and Arthur
> >
> > had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed
> >
> > to answer the question, but he would have to agree
> >
> > to her price first.
> >
> > The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot,
> >
> > the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and
> >
> > Arthur's closest friend!
> >
> > Young Arthur was horrified. She was
> >
> > hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled
> >
> > like sewerage, made obscene noises, etc. He had
> >
> > never encountered such a repugnant creature in all
> >
> > his life.
> >
> > He refused to force his friend to marry her
> >
> > and endure such a terrible burden, but Lancelot,
> >
> > learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
> >
> > He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice
> >
> > compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of
> >
> > the Round Table.
> >
> > Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch
> >
> > answered Arthur's question thus:
> >
> > What a woman really wants, she answered.... is
> >
> > to be in charge of her own life.
> >
> > Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that
> >
> > the witch had uttered a great truth and that
> >
> > Arthur's life would be spared.
> >
> > And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted
> >
> > Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a
> >
> > wonderful wedding.
> >
> > The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot,
> >
> > steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered
> >
> > the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most
> >
> > beautiful woman he had ever seen, lay before him on
> >
> > the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had
> >
> > happened.
> >
> > The beauty replied that since he had been so
> >
> > kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would
> >
> > henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half
> >
> > the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
> >
> > Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the
> >
> > day.... or night?
> >
> > Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the
> >
> > day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends,
> >
> > but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old
> >
> > witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch
> >
> > during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for
> >
> > him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments?
> >
> > What would YOU do?
> >
> > What Lancelot chose is below. BUT.... make YOUR
> >
> > choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?
> >
> > Have you made up your mind?
> >
> > Are you sure?
> >
> > Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch
> >
> > gave Arthur to his question, said that he would
> >
> > allow HER to make the choice herself.
> >
> > Upon hearing this, she announced that she
> >
> > would be beautiful all the time because he had
> >
> > respected her enough to let her be in charge of her
> >
> > own life.
> >
> > Now.... what is the moral to this story?
> >
> > The moral is..... If you don't let a woman
> >
> > have her own way.... things are going to get ugly.
> >
> >

For the couples.....

> > An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small
>tavern The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first
>time we had Sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern
>where you leaned against the fence and I made Love to you."
> >
> > "Yes," she says, "I remember it well." "OK," he says, "how about taking a
>stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oooooooh!
>Henry, you devil." she answers.
> >
> > There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this,
>and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two
>old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep
> > an eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them. They walk
>haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking
>sticks.
> >
> > Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the
>fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her panties down and the old man
>drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the
>old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the
>watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like
>eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about fifteen minutes!
> >
> > She moans "Ohh God" and he hangs on to her hips for dear life. This is
>the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on
>the ground. The policeman is amazed. After about half an hour lying on the
>ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their
>clothes back on. The policeman, still watching thinks, that was truly
>amazing. I've got to ask them what their secret is.
> >
> > As the couple passes, he says to them, "That was something else! How did
>you manage it? Is there some sort of secret?"
> >
> > The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence

I have seen that happen for real and it was the funniest thing that I ever saw.