"Ran When Parked," "Duel Carbs & Exhaust" & other old car euphemisms
....and linguistic faux pas!

Feel free to add your own 914-isms & related multi-maker word plays here......

.

I was a fan of Norm Crosby's humor back in the 1960's & 70's. He was actually a comedian with a Masters in English Lit. from Penn State IIRC, who coined such "funnies" as: "Blabbing Brook" & other misuses of words as his comedy act.

In that spirit, it always gives me a giggle when someone mentions their dueling carbs or exhaust, which is precisely why I liked my 73 914-2.0 from the start - no friggin' carbs to synchronize so they wouldn't duel with each other!

The other one is "Ran When Parked" - which applies to not only my car which ran when I parked it in my garage in June 1985 & up to about 87 once a month, but not since!

Click to view attachment Click to view attachment

.

But these "Ran when Parked" examples have me beat by a long shot!

Click to view attachment Click to view attachment Click to view attachment

(Disclaimer: not really advertised as such, but pix a friend sent to me & funny as hell anyway! )

.

Warped I know, but I need to keep a good humor on this project, in order to keep chipping away at it, while keeping up on the other 2 old cars & house/garage resto's & honey dooo list!

.

Any other funnies?

ROPOC=Rusted out piece of crap!

I love the it just needs a (insert small part here) to run again. If it was that easy, why wouldn't they fix it and get more money.

I always liked "Just needs a little TLC". That usually means: "a total piece of crap that needs just about everything fixed, especially the things I half-assed years ago, but will you take it off my hands please?"

Also, for some reason people who are selling 30+ year old cars seem to believe the original R-12 air cond. "only needs a recharge" to get it working again. In 35 years of buying and selling cars I have never seen this to be true.

That's also a famous Realtors' quote in their listings Brent!
... usually means something like: falling off the foundation & the roof is caving in, but other than that .....!

Here's another relative to 914s in particular:
"Battery Tray rusted through, but the Hell Hole is fine...."
.... so where the f*ck did all that battery acid laden water from the engine grill go!!??
....... did it miraculously evaporate in the <12" to the rear long!!??

Or, "All original except...." - usually followed by a textbook long list of everything change, a repaint to a non-original color, etc., etc.!!

.... Mine had 3-4 of those resprays over the years: Light Ivory OE (L80E), Sahara Beige (may be a tinted primer under the gold to reduce show thru of white if chipped), gold (prior to when I bought it in 12/75), then I did a copper like Brent's in 8/76, & another to the current Anthracite Grey Metallic in 5/80!

Click to view attachment

.

How about: "Has had some minor welding repairs"

And when you look at it you think:

I thought 'minor' meant 'just a little'
when, in fact, it means
'looks like it was welded by a five year old'

Stu

"Dueling carbs" is a frequent condition me thinks.

"Only has rust in the normal spots"

"mechanics special"

There is nothing special about needing to be a mechanic to buy your car.

This is true in my experience.

"Chassis reinforcement for racing - essentially meaning that the longs are completely rusted through the the owner sloppily welded a few pieces of angle iron across the gap. Or, in my case bolted...
Click to view attachment
sorry for the tiny size, its the only picture that shows it.

...or like the ex-VARA racer which is my parts shell.....

Click to view attachment Click to view attachment

both sides!

I am a fan of the "no rust" comment but never any mention of the cardboard bog and paint that replaced it

Here's one I saw in the CL from Elk Grove CA today:

Not running but body is good and has a Porsche engine.. Could run with miner tune up.

Apparently - it being in the old CA gold rush country, they need a miner to tune it up!

My favorite is "engine and transmission rebuilt shortly before it was parked/stored". Makes no sense. Why do that and park/store it. No receipts = not built. Depending on the time between, may not mean it anyway

about the undocumented work, & how often have members posted here about DAPO "fixes," rebuilds, etc.!

And if the rebuild is old enough, then it may not matter anyhoo, cuz you'll need to redo all the seals & soft parts.....and then, as long as you're in there......!!!!

Mike, mine WAS rebuilt & a rolling resto before it was parked after <20k miles - but NOT by choice - as it got whacked & I figured it was worth saving it for the $6500 fully overhauled engine, transaxle, suspension & other mechanicals, as well as for the non-hit bodywork in 80-83 ($20k+ in today's dollars).

I just didn't intend it to be for 26 years!

So sometimes shit happens!

"The previous owner rebuilt the engine, but I don't have the paperwork."