Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."


Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"


Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."


Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."


Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance.. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. T! hat's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine."


By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"


Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."


Mr. Smith doesn't think the little shit is adorable anymore

LMFAO!!

this is the type of OT stuff i can enjoy!

I thought part one was funnier.........but that s just me

Ahhh.....the famous little johnny jokes. Here's one of my favorites:

The teacher in school asks if anyone in the classroom can use the word "contagious" in a sentence. Sarah and Little Johnny both put up their hands. The teacher doesn't want to ask Little Johnny because his answers are always vulgar so she says " OK Sarah, how would you use the word contagious in a sentance?"

Sarah says "My brother had chicken pox and I also got them because they are contagious"

The teacher says "Very good Sarah. Anyone else?" Immediately Andy and Little Johnny both put up their hands. Once again the teacher doesn't want to ask Little Johnny and says "Ok Andy, how would you use the work contagious in a sentance?"

Andy says "The Bubonic Plague was a contagious disease that killed a lot of people"

The teacher says "Very good Andy. Anyone else?" This time only Little Johnny puts up his hand so finally the teacher says "Little Johnny, before you tell me your sentance I need to know how plan to use the word to make sure it is appropriate for school"

Little Johnny says "I am going to use it to describe gardening"

The teacher, confused and not able to figure out how the word "contagious" could be used to describe gardening asks Little Johnny "How does the work contagious apply to gardening?"

Little Johnny says "I don't know but the other day old lady Brownstone was trimming her hedge with a pair of scissors and I heard my dad say 'Would you look at that, it's going to take that c*nt ages to finish'. "

PS - No offense meant to any of the ladies out there.

hahahaha

No. Me too.

I mean 10 year olds being lucky?

Friday jokes rock!

Love a good laugh in the mornin'

The 1st grade teacher is trying to get all of her students to give the name of an animal that starts with each new letter of the alphabet. And, as always she is avoiding Little Johnny and his waving hand. Finally she has worked through every kid in the class and only Little Johnny is left. Shuddering in anticipation she summons Little Johnny to name an animal that starts with the letter R.

LJ: R, um.......................Rats

The teacher opens her eyes, relieved.

Teach: Very good Johnny, Rats, yes that starts with the letter R.

Little Johnny smiles and decides to give a little more Rat info, with arm movement.

LJ: Yeah, RATS............BIG F*CKERS WITH C*CKS THIS LONG

Little Johnny watched the science teacher start the experimentwiththe worms.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.

The thirdworm was put into a jar of sperm.

The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day, these were the results:

The first worm in alcohol - dead.

Second worm in cigarette smoke - dead.

Third worm in sperm - dead.

Fourth worm in soil - alive.

So the Science teacher asked the class - "What can you learn fromthis experiment."

Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said "As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms."

Teacher asks the students to use the word "beautiful"twice in a sentence. Johnny is routinely passed over.

Susie: "The dress my mom made me was beautiful, and it made me feel...beautiful."

Teach: "Very good! Billy?"

Billy: "This morning there was a beautiful sunrise, and I know it's going to be a beautiful day"

Teach: "Excellent! (sigh)....Okay, Johnny, let's hear it."

Johnny: Last night at the dinner table, my sister announced she was pregnant. My dad put his face in his hands and said: "beautiful. Just fuckin' beautiful."

Little Johnny is sitting in the back of the class, frantically waving his hand in the air. Finally the teacher notices, and asks Johnny what his problem is.

Johnny says that he has to go pee.

The teacher tells Johnny that the correct term is urniate, and that if he can use it in a sentence, she'll let him go to the washroom.

Johnny thinks for a moment, then replies, "Teacher, urinate (you're an eight), but if you had tits you'd be a ten!"

That's it, I'm NEVER naming a son Johnny!

Two guys in a 911 get pulled by a Texas state trooper. Cop pull out his stick not saying a word whack the driver in the head and says " i need to see your drivers licence"

Then again WHACK " I need your insurance"

Then a third time WHACK "Why where you speeding"

Before he could answer WHACK " Shut UP"

Then he slowly walkes to the pasenger side Whack

The pasenger look at the officer confused and ask"hey I was not driving WTF was that for "


Officer replies " I granting you you wish cause I know as soon as I drive off your gonna tell your buddy " I wish that MOTHER F$%^&R would have hit ME with that stick