Ypsilanti, Michigan January 25, 2003
"The multi-organ transplant was a success after 18 long hours", declared a spokesperson for the eminent 914 surgical team of Drs. S. and C., ably assisted with several naive residents in training. The team initially experienced some adversity in harvesting the pristine organs from a dark complected 32 year old Michigan donor in a 20 degree garage over an 8 hour stretch. Sadly, the donor had experienced a premature death from parental neglect. But despite the unsterile environment of the initial operation, the organs were removed undamaged and were fit into the recipient a week later with little blood loss or trimming required. The night before the second operation, the advance team of Dr. S. and his energetic resident prepped the aging but youthful looking recipient who had experienced a hard life of self abuse in her youth as a Californian. And it showed with much facial aging and even deep meat cleaver-like cracking! "There's just no way we can skin graft this hideous face so that she's presentable in public", lamented a young resident. "All of this just has to go! Get me my blade!" cried Dr. C.
The team attacked the actual transplant in a heated garage (term used loosely) with gusto, Coke, cheeseburgers and Marlboro lights. "This bitch is gonna rip", Dr C. was heard to retort midway during the second operation. Dr. S. was so pleased that he told a reporter for the Bahnstormer, a Mr. G. Trapp, that he gave the entire affair a "2 thumbs up". Whereby one of the residents proceeded to show the missing skin on his own thumbs! The team celebrated their success at Mama Rosa's, sharing tales of individual sacrifice, personal blood loss and innovative uses for old tools during the groundbreaking operation. The plan is to stand the patient up next weekend before a large crowd to see if she passes urine. "No better way to recuperate than to get up and out", said Dr. S. "While we are hot, let's find another one to perfect the use of these nifty tools", was Dr. C. reply. At which scornful glances were cast his way by the residents. Let's just hope we dont experience a graft rejection!
END.
