Okay...

Attempted to bleed the brakes because it hadn't been done in a while, according to the PO (and I havn't done it).

I foolishly pumped the pedal with a nipple still slightly open (stupid, stupid, stupid)

I cannot get the air out of the lines. I have a hand pump which I have been using (pump it up, stick the pump on the nipple, and then open the nipple until you start sucking).

Out of desparation I opted to bleed the MC (I just cracked the lines until fluid came out). Much more fluid came out of the upper connection than the lower - by 'upper' I mean the connection nearest to the cab. Fluid didn't really dribble out of the 'lower' connection as much.

I fill the reservoir to the top of the fill hole (where the cap threads on to the reservoir). Then I go to the right rear wheel, put on my pump, and then open the nipple. fluid comes out, but in dribbles and with lots of air. Then, I hear a sucking noise, and the reservoir (the fluid sitting in the threaded neck of the reservoir) has been sucked down.

Do I have the wrong idea here? How can I get back on track?

are the bleeder nipples on the top of the rear brakes? Make sure they are on the top or you will never get it bled. I have hear of people having the rear calipers installed incorrectly and you will never get it bled with the bleeder nipple on the bottom of the caliper.

i had to do about 4-5 rounds with the wife stomping the pedal to get mine bled. just make sure the reservoir stays full.

Yes, always on the upper nipple

I think that the reservoir is full, but when I put the hand pump on the nipple and start pumping, I hear a sucking sound like that of a glass being empty when someone is drinking out of it with a straw.

Even when I get all of the nipples closed, I can't get any pressure in the pedal at all...it always goes to the floor.

I'm with Joe, you've got to keep the reservoir from going empty. Fill 'er up go to the caliper and start the bleed. Close the valve after a bit (before it's done) and go check the fluid level. Repeat the process until you get clean solid fluid. Move on to the next caliper. The start and stop can be eliminated with an assistant and it will make the whole job go quicker.

Good luck,
Eric

Yeah, I do that, but but it nothing but air and bubbly fluid come out.

Then there's the old school way, needs an assistant. Small hose on caliper nipple, can or jar to catch the fluid and an assistant in car.

1) open nipple valve.
2) press pedal down.
3) close valve.
4) let pedal up.
5) repeat...
periodically check reservoir and add fluid.

There's alot of commands "down", "up" and the like, but it goes pretty quick.

Eric

Damn I've got to type faster.......

If your fluid never goes solid you may have a leak that is letting air in. Check your MC to caliper lines. Check the line(s) from the reservoir to the MC. Sounds like you're pulling in air from somewhere. And don't screw the valve too far out of the caliper, if it's loose you could pull air through the threads...