car off -- parking lights act as they should -- each side turning on depending on the turn signal stalk
-- also, the hazard switch will light up red and the exterior lights turn on, but they don't flash.
car on -- the dash indicators light up, the red light above the gas gauge lights up (the big one)
-- turn signals don't work, but they seem to TRY to work.
-- the weird part!

-- another weird part!

I've checked all the connections, even replaced the flasher relay and the turn signal switch. checked all the round relays (if that matters). all of them are good. all new bulbs as well. I haven't checked the license plate lights or the luggage / dome light. I'll do that in a minute now that I thought of it.
Sound like a short? no fuses are blowing... but something seems to be preventing the flasher from working properly... even though all the other parts look right. If it's a short, where do I start looking? (under the dash, i'm sure, but i was wondering if anyone has seen this behavior before and can point me in a direction)