Just hadta get this off my chest....

OK so yesterday was my birthday, my wife's birthday is 10 days before. So like every year we try to get out by ourselves (read NO KIDS) and do something we both enjoy.

For the past several years we choose a concert at a local outdoor venue called Blossom Music Center. I know for those of you on the left coast this probably not a big deal, but here this is a treat. This venue is one of the most beautiful places to watch a concert in the whole country. Completely wooded, large lawn to sit on surrounding a covered stage and seating area. It really is the shit, just sitting under the stars listening to music.

So last night we venture out to Blossom, collapsable chairs in tow and head for our favorite spot right underneath a tree with a good view of the stage but slightly away from the crowd. WELL here comes the RANT.

OK F' Heads.... here are a few things you should NOT do or bring to a concert.

1) A less than two month old baby. Listen you f'in moron. I'm sorry that you probably got knocked up by your sleazy asshat of a boyfriend, but you should stay home for awhile after the birth of a baby. When I am listening to music I do not want your mistake of the gene pool kid screaming for an hour straight right in from of me. GET IT.

2) To the same idiot slut puppy with the kid. Thank you for sitting in front of me, otherwise I would not have has the pleasure of seeing your ass crack everytime (which was quite often) that you got up to go get a beer or have a smoke. BTW when you obviously just had a baby low rise jeans are probably not the way to go. I've seen less blubber on pacific whales.

3) This brings us to attire. Now this can be good or bad. The good we will dispense with immediately. I LOVE summer nothin like good lookin women in sundresses and shorts with belly shirts. With that stated we can move on to the other 90% of the population. If you are pushing maximum density... it is not attractive nor recommended for you to wear Spandex, low rise jeans, babydoll tees, a bikini top or a miniskirt. Please spare all of us from attempting to poke our minds eye out for the rest of the night after you bent over to pick up your large bucket of chicken and spilt your spandex pants. I'm really not sure how you did this but I'm sure there were some laws of physics that were altered last night.

4) Gay threesome sitting to the front-left of us. It took me awhile to realize that the little black fella was really a man. After that I realized that you were all flaming homo's... not that there is anything wrong with that. OH WAIT yes there is, when you are doing dirty laps dances in front of hundreds of people which included biting your BF's crotch. Oh and BTW I'm am not really sure "Sweet Baby James" is all that appropriate of a song for a lap dance anyway.

5) Really DRUNK mid-forties chick. I understand that you really like James Taylor, I do to, that's why I chose to come here to see him. But you screaming every five minutes " I love you James" is really not nessesary. As if your very weird "dancing" was not enough for all of us to notice you, this definitley clinched it.

EDIT - Added. I forgot one

6) To the large bunch of early twenties girls and two guys sitting to our immediate right. Hell... even I was to young to have seen JT when his music first came out. WTF are you doing here . Second, this was not a loud rock concert... maybe you got the date wrong, I think OZZFEST is like next week or something. Anyway, if you just wanted a place to sit and chat with your friends there are any number of places... coffee shops, bars, public parks anything. I did not really need to know about your love life or lack there of, weight problems, who is dissing who at school / work, or any of the other drivel that you spouted practically at the top of your lungs all night. If I had some duct tape handy I most certainly would have gone to jail last night for taping all of you stupid screaching mouths shut and then rolling you down the hill. It's a concert.... listen to the f'in music and STFU.

RAVE ON: I know, I know... I'm getting old but hell I like JT's music. Has a timless quality to it. FWIW James was freakin nails. The guy has to be in his late 50's but his voice sounds perfect and the musicians were top notch. The music that I could hear was fanatstic, he played quite a few hits but also mixed in a few lesser know songs as well as covers of a few other bands. Excellent concert. WTG JT

Oh yea.... and the best thing. The tickets were only $25.00

Yeah... I hate people too
If I can help it, I avoid places where they come together in great numbers

Why do you think I moved from that shithole SmelLA......problem is, the traffic followed me....

telling people to "stfu", "take that screaming baby some place else", or "get a room" is a-ok in my book. the "other" kevin would have been tossing popcorn at the ass crack. if the tickets had been over $100 (as i've heard some of the stones tickets will be) 2 out of 3 of your problems would not have existed. i can't bring myself to attend concerts anymore.

k

QUOTE (tdgray @ Jun 23 2005, 08:51 AM)

4) Gay threesome sitting to the front-left of us. It took me awhile to realize that the little black fella was really a man. After that I realized that you were all flaming homo's... not that there is anything wrong with that. OH WAIT yes there is, when you are doing dirty laps dances in front of hundreds of people which included biting your BF's crotch.

... this is the funiest post I have seen in a LONG time.

Todders... I know how you feel. I don't go public places, because it's like that everywhere. Humankind is full of shit, and self-absorbed.. I leave it to them.

Happy Birthday, never the less..




M

QUOTE (tdgray @ Jun 23 2005, 06:51 AM)

1) A less than two month old baby. Listen you f'in moron. I'm sorry that you probably got knocked up by your sleazy asshat of a boyfriend, but you should stay home for awhile after the birth of a baby. When I am listening to music I do not want your mistake of the gene pool kid screaming for an hour straight right in from of me. GET IT.

Ok.. here is my opinion.

It should be legal to carry a small pea shooter with a skin absorbtion tranquilizer pea to shoot at other peoples screaming brats. If you are in the mall, and the woman in front of you is ignoring her "little angel" who is screaming at the top of his lungs, just turn around and shoot him with a pea. He goes to sleep, and mommy HAS to pay attention to carrying his sleeping ass out of the mall.

Same goes for the concert. Shoot the kid with a tranquilizer pea, and the little angel sleeps through the concert.

Ok, Clay is for darting babies, I second the motion... any discussion?


M

QUOTE (redshift @ Jun 23 2005, 06:28 AM)

Ok, Clay is for darting babies, I second the motion... any discussion? M

Discussion? No rational person would argue against such a splendid idea.

Andrew

QUOTE (redshift @ Jun 23 2005, 09:28 AM)

Ok, Clay is for darting babies, I second the motion... any discussion?

Might get you sued by the inbred little crumbsnatcher's parental figure

I prefer the STFU route...a few years ago I was at a jazz concert. Indoor theatre, about 2500 seats (full house). Someone had an infant that started screaming during the first song. For some reason, the mum didn't feel the need to excuse herself. Baby screams through the second song. Before the start of the third song, the child is quiet, and the piano player is introducing the next song. Baby then starts screaming and the piano player stops mid sentance and shouts into the microphone "WOULD YOU GET THAT GODDAMNED BABY OUT OF HERE ALREADY!"
Mum promplty exits, the audience applauds.

QUOTE (Jeroen @ Jun 23 2005, 06:33 AM)

If I can help it, I avoid places where they come together in great numbers

Agreed. It just isn't worth it. But Happy Belated, Todd. But that same general lack of consideration is rampant..

People with a four letter speech impediment in a family oriented place
Using the street as a garbage dump
Loud cars, bikes, stereos in a residential neighborhood
People who take ill behaved kids to fine restaurants after 6pm. Denny's is good enough for the mouth breathers, and I'm referring to the parents
Driving? Where do you start? Watching someone back their Hummer out of a parking place while using a cell phone is the tip of the iceberg

Trying to correct these folks will just get you into trouble, but getting even is fun sometimes. Kids that live behind us blasted rap at 2am. I got up at 6, put my ghetto blaster on the back fence, and played Wagners Dance of the Valkyries in a loop. Never have had the problem again

QUOTE (Howard @ Jun 23 2005, 08:19 AM)

........ I got up at 6, put my ghetto blaster on the back fence, and played Wagners Dance of the Valkyries in a loop.  Never have had the problem again  :)

Did you have the helicopter gunships coming in low over the surf too? (And I thought Valkyries rode)

Andrew

QUOTE (mudfoot76 @ Jun 23 2005, 08:42 AM)

QUOTE (redshift @ Jun 23 2005, 09:28 AM) Ok, Clay is for darting babies, I second the motion... any discussion? Might get you sued by the inbred little crumbsnatcher's parental figure I prefer the STFU route...a few years ago I was at a jazz concert. Indoor theatre, about 2500 seats (full house). Someone had an infant that started screaming during the first song. For some reason, the mum didn't feel the need to excuse herself. Baby screams through the second song. Before the start of the third song, the child is quiet, and the piano player is introducing the next song. Baby then starts screaming and the piano player stops mid sentance and shouts into the microphone "WOULD YOU GET THAT GODDAMNED BABY OUT OF HERE ALREADY!" Mum promplty exits, the audience applauds.

No darts here. I said nothing about "darting" children. I said a very mild, skin absorbed trauquilizer. Shoot a small pea that breaks open and spreads the tranquilizer over the skin. Kid goes to sleep with no ill effects.

And remember.. I said It should be legal!

But then again, I am all for personal responsibility. If your children are ill-behaved, then YOU need to stay home and teach them some manners. If you don't, then it shoud be legal for the public to do it for you. We (meaning the general public) should not have to put up with the failings of parents to teach their children to be civilized members of society.




Look at it this way. If you had to carry all 3 of your "little darlings" home by yourself because they were being brats in the local Wal-Mart, then maybe you would think twice about letting them run wild in the stores.


Don't get me wrong. I like kids. What I hate are irresponsible parents.

QUOTE (Howard @ Jun 23 2005, 12:19 PM)

Trying to correct these folks will just get you into trouble, but getting even is fun sometimes. Kids that live behind us blasted rap at 2am. I got up at 6, put my ghetto blaster on the back fence, and played Wagners Dance of the Valkyries in a loop. Never have had the problem again

Shit thats a good one Howard :wtg:

QUOTE (ClayPerrine @ Jun 23 2005, 11:34 AM)

What I hate are irresponsible parents.

No arguments from me here

I usually try to avoid crowded places too. And when I do have to go to one of those Mega stores (walmart, meijer, etc) I try to go very late at night. Without fail, I will see a parent dragging their child/children along with them...and maybe there is a valid reason to take your 6 yr old to WalMart at midnight on a Wednesday in April, I just don't know what it is yet....

I am anti-social... as you can see by my post count, which has been reset twice, once no more than... 4 months ago?




M

QUOTE (Jeroen @ Jun 23 2005, 06:33 AM)

Yeah... I hate people too If I can help it, I avoid places where they come together in great numbers

QUOTE (phantom914 @ Jun 23 2005, 06:36 AM)

QUOTE (redshift @ Jun 23 2005, 06:28 AM) Ok, Clay is for darting babies, I second the motion... any discussion? M Discussion? No rational person would argue against such a splendid idea. Andrew

Ok, I was under the impression that Clay wanted to dart newborns... but he actually wants to drug them with legal, non-lethal projectiles..

I second the motion.

I have a point of discussion; Is there any possibility we could add an element of pain, for the parents?



M

ok, here is my long ago concert rant (don't go any longer... too friggin old)

alice cooper was the show, 16 years old. long hair (had it then) great seats about 20 rows off the stage.

show starts and the crowd rises (to be expected). majority of us sit after 3 songs. a couple don't.

2 big hair skanks 2 rows in front of me decide to stand longer than is socially acceptable. "sit the f(&^ down!" i shout...nuthin'....

"sit the f(&* down you fu(*&^% b*^#$#!!!!".... nuthin....

oh wait... i'm chewing gum. yep, hubba bubba bubble gum. big friggin' wad of that gooey shit. hmmm.... that will fly... so off it goes.

a good couple of ounces of bubble gum lands square in the middle of a poofed up 80's doo. chick feels something hit and instictively reaches bag to grab/see what is there. yep, stuck that sucker but good.

guess what? she sat down...

I'm in a Theater watching some rated R action film and some tard has a kid howling away in the back of the theater.

I'm a peacable guy, I know its rude, but I let it go.

My brother in law I'm with doesn't.

He goes and gets a Manager, just as the lady with the kid decides finally that the twerp needs a change.

Outside she passed the excitable brother in law who is explaining that she has a crying baby in the theater. The manager detains her for a second, Brother in law comes back in to watch the rest of the film.

She come back in second later, screaming at the top of her lungs as she runs up the stairs to her husband how the brother in law had told the manager that she had to leave with the baby. Julio, the hubby I know cause she was shrieking his name then walks over the backs of the chairs down the 5 isles to confront my brother in law.

Well he swung and hit my brother in law, so me and my brother helped him back out the isle and down the stairs to the door out of the theater. The police came, Julio went to get his broken arm and nose tended, they stopped the show, had to fill out a incident report, I got comped tickets to another show later. Would have been much better to just get a baby sitter. Cheaper too.

I hate crowd of people also. And to this day I've not seen that one boxer flick with Antiono bandaress, and Woodie Harleson all the way through.

QUOTE (tdgray @ Jun 23 2005, 04:51 AM)

yesterday was my birthday, my wife's birthday is 10 days before.... This venue is one of the most beautiful places to watch a concert in the whole country.... ...seeing your ass crack everytime (which was quite often) that you got up to go get a beer or have a smoke Spandex, low rise jeans, babydoll tees, a bikini top or a miniskirt. Please spare all of us from attempting to poke our minds eye out for the rest of the night after you bent over to pick up your large bucket of chicken and spilt your spandex pants. .. 4) Gay threesome sitting to the front-left of us.... 5) Really DRUNK mid-forties chick.your very weird "dancing" was not enough for all of us to notice you, this definitley clinched it.... the large bunch of early twenties girls....

[QUOTE]

QUOTE (mudfoot76 @ Jun 23 2005, 06:42 AM)

the piano player stops mid sentance and shouts into the microphone "WOULD YOU GET THAT GODDAMNED BABY OUT OF HERE ALREADY!" Mum promplty exits, the audience applauds.

[QUOTE]

Wish I'd been there...

I took this girl to see... Van F'n Halen, and this band called 'After the Fire' opened up, and they had about 2 inches of stage, and they sucked.. so I got on these guy's shoulders, and 1" from the guitar player's face, on the first night of a tour they maybe did two dates on, I double-flipped him off, and screamed "You guys suck!".

We probably would have done the same to James Taylor..

I also detained a murderer with a piece of a cement block, once... it's not something you'd likely do again.. not that it was hard, or anything.. more of an odds based call.

Anyways.. have fun!


M