I blatantly stole this from another forum cause I thought it was funny.

Top Ten Reasons You're Not Fast Enough:
10. When you hit a pylon, it doesn't fall down.

9. Your mother (or Wife) thinks you drive sensibly.

8. Course workers use your runs as lunch breaks.

7. Novices snicker when they hear your times.

6. Birds walk out of the way, when your car approaches.

5. Timer doesn't have enough digits to show your time.

4. You don't need a cupholder for your McDonald's coffee.

3. At the end of the season, your tires still have molding marks.

2. Pat Salerno runs alongside your car and shouts advice

and the Top reason you're not autocrossing fast enough:
1. Your competitors cheer just because you showed up..