You rest your king-sized Sprite on the floor of the car only to knock it over when you get back in.

You have a box of receipts that you NEVER total up. EVER.

You wouldn't dream of hitting the highway without a full toolkit in the trunk.

Your mental image of your car's previous owner is of someone who needs a severe pounding for making your life so damn difficult.

You think spending $2000 on preventative maintenance is considered a good investment.

You're more familiar with the underside of your car than your own bedroom.

You suddenly realize you have the ability to identify every type of automotive fluid by smell.

You buy up used spare parts "just in case"...oddly enough, every time something goes wrong on the car, you don't have a spare.

You think the statement "With the cost in money and time it will take to replace the air intake gasket, it makes more sense to swap the engine rather than fix it" is completely logical.

Your daughter wakes up at 9:00 on a Saturday morning, sees you on the back porch, and asks what you are grilling? You answer that you're warming up the hub so that the bearing races go in a little easier, like that is just normal behavior.

You brag to everyone about what a great deal you got on your car but will NEVER reveal how much you've spent on it.

You bought the car not knowing how to change spark plugs and can now rebuild an engine.

You put your ear near the gas cap as you're filling up-- when it starts to gurgle you stop filling.

You're wrenching on your car, and you are developing another joint between your wrist and elbow to get at some of the bolts.

You cussed out a snap ring.

If popping the hood and wiggling wires is just part of your startup routine.

You call a vendor for parts, and they recognize your voice before you tell them your name.

When the car has been on jack stands so long, you forgot where you put the wheels.

You think giving the carbs a whack is a perfectly fine way of diagnosing a no-start situation.

If every fluid reservoir on your car has a leak.

You find random amusement when something in the car starts working again.

You realize that you have spent thousands more on the car than it is worth, and rationalize that by telling people, "It's a classic, it won't depreciate.”

You keep believing that that this next upgrade will "be all it really needs."

Low curbs, speed bumps, and driveways with a steep entry angle make you nervous.

Every 10-minute, $50 routine maintenance job becomes a 5-day, $500 job because you start thinking, "while I'm in there..."

You always leave home with the cell phone in your hand and AAA on speed dial!

These are all SO great!

Mine has been on a stand or rotisserie for so long, but I still know where my wheels are, 800 miles away because I won't be needing them any time soon....

@rusty - "Your mental image of your car's previous owner is of someone who needs a severe pounding for making your life so damn difficult."

OMG!! Hilarious!! There are more for sure...

99% coverage on that list.

important item neglected.

if there is emergency plastic sheet - placed under seat - to be removed calmly and cover lap when windscreen washer hose blows off steering column - avoiding implication of bladder problems when exiting car at destination.

I have way more faith in old German motors than you guys (or perhaps is healthy). I do have more gauges than god in my car but as long as I have oil in the engine and oil in the transmission... What could go wrong?

You spend more time under the car than driving it.

Ha, me!

"You bought the car not knowing how to change spark plugs and can now rebuild an engine."

And it even ran after I rebuilt it!

Still trying to figure out how to weld properly though. No lack of spots to practice on...

Love the "grilling the bearing race one."

You whistle when driving with a passenger to mask your leaky top

Your friend at work keeps borrowing your top for his car shows.

You have an intense opinion on things like puck lights, fender flares and spoilers.

You have had a conversation where you explain how 90 hp is plenty for a small car.

You know what "zambezi" means.

You know what this is: Click to view attachment

When you see a 914, no matter how good it looks, your first thought is "I wonder how bad the hell hole is?".

You have at least six tools that you have only used once and will probably never use again. But, you won't sell them because you might need them someday.

You are used to answering to "What kinda car is that?"

When on a tour with a bunch of 914s, you will drive 5 miles down a gravel road because a local said "There is one just like that in a barn" and it turns out to be a rusted MG.

You know you own a 914 if...

Your first injury was getting hit in the head when you opened the engine lid.

This just made my day! (Insert numerous deep chuckles here: )

How about this one?

You finally join a forum for the first time in your life, and scour it obsessively (i.e. hundreds of “bookmarks”) for 3 or 4 years (while you “gather” parts) with the hopes of (at least partially) avoiding the pitfalls (little joys?) above, even though they are 914-categorically unavoidable.

Does that mean MG drivers detour to find 914s?

Your daughter wakes up at 9:00 on a Saturday morning, sees you on the back porch, and asks what you are grilling? You answer that you're warming up the hub so that the bearing races go in a little easier, like that is just normal behavior.

The poor thing, she will wonder about her father for the rest of her days.

How does this happen? either way all of us are destined for a room at our local infirmary.

* Your wife has stopped asking what is in the boxes she keeps picking up for you.

* Every time you work on the car you remember your dad, a WW2 vet, saying "No wonder we won the war" while helping you.

Yes, this has actually happened to me!

my father used to call my squareback "hitlers revenge" as i bent over the back of it while he nursed a beer surveying the action like a smug smart alec.

he drove a holden (GM) and thought my mother was mad having a beetle.

he didn't do WW2, but did nasho service during korea and my uncle went to nam.
there was however an absolute prohibition on J vehicles in the family during his reign.

i have forgiven the J.

he didn't do WW2, but did nasho service during korea and my uncle went to nam.
there was however an absolute prohibition on J vehicles in the family during his reign.

i have forgiven the J.


Good call, they should be forgiven

this should be required reading for first thing in the morning, how can you not LYAO

Thanks again for the "positive" advantages of owning a 914

"you have a secret stash of parts receipts that you don't want anyone to know about, especially your significant other because then you would have to admit that you have spent more than its worth, but you justify it by saying you saved by doing the work yourself" -
- you have a vocabulary now of enough acronyms like DAPO to have a complete conversation with out actually speaking words

- and have acquired enough tools to open your own shop

- and eventually you have 3-4 of almost everything because you just might need more and /or you dont remember that you already ordered that part.

-after 12 years of ownership i now have 2 motors, and enough crap to fill up a 3 car garage

You are on a first name basis with the mail man, UPS, and FedeX drivers

Amateur.... I have enough spare parts to build another 914 if I had a tub and a passenger door.

"Amateur.... I have enough spare parts to build another 914 if I had a tub and a passenger door."

LOL I love this thread!

You give it a sponge bath every few days & sit in it after a glass or two of wine. Mine's a 1.7 & once I get into 2nd the little mother fucker really flies. It tops out at about 105 mph.

You make things your family doesn't get.


Oscar

Click to view attachment

Just for the record, this also applies to my Corvettes………I haven’t got the 914 running yet.

Very nice indeed. You're an artist.

For REAL 914 owners, you use DAPO as a serious curse.

Glad everyone is enjoying these. I originally made this for my 911 so deleted some that may not apply to a 914, but here they are just because we like making fun of ourselves and our car obsession

Your neighbors think you're crazy as you're constantly wrenching under the car and the car leaves the jack stands for a few weeks then it's back on the jack stands for another few months.

The parts guy at the dealer laughs when you phone him and asks “more parts”?

You change into your Pilotis for a drive to the grocery store.

You laugh when someone talks about a $75 tune up on their car.

You've had multiple annoying neighbors ask "you're not done yet?" as you're wrenching away.

You think that $50 for a new distributor rotor is a good deal.

$50 for 7 quarts of Mobil-1 for an oil change seems reasonable.

You spend between $500-1000 on "routine maintenance."

You love to pay 10 times what others pay for shocks and struts.

$200 for brake pads? That’s all??" suddenly finds its way into your verbal usage.

If every fluid reservoir on your car has a leak.

Your wife gets tired of hearing "once I get this fixed, it will be just like a new car because I have replaced everything that could possibly break."

Another home run, +1

And make them very well. Er, couldn’t one of the clocks be set to 14 minutes past 09:00.

Clay, true compared to you i am still running on training wheels but you did have a head start! i have to say that 12 years ago i didn’t imagine that by now i would have done as much as i had, but i had just finished up the remodel of our 4th home and directed my energy towards remodeling a car. to put that into perspective, in the previous 12 years i fully gutted and remodeled 3 homes , yet here i am on this 914 ownership i am still not done! ( this weekend i pulled the transmission for the 4th time)

Phil,

I have been working on 914s for 37 years, and I can confirm they are never done.

And Betty says you need to quit yanking out the transmission, you are going to wear out the bolts.

Clay

It is not enough to have spare parts, but some how I feel I need 2 of everything!

You cringe at the WTB ads cause you know you have it but just don't want to let it go yet

If depression ever sets in, simply have a read of these reasons WHY we do what we do

And for many of us, our wives manage to stick around through all this nonsense

How can you not LYAO while reading our justifications for this madness

You invite your friends with 914s over to help them with their projects, and they end up leaving with free parts.

Just got to bring this one up to the top for