Ok, so I'm guilty of not working on the car in over a month and now its mad at me. I get back to the garage, go to drop the e-brake and there is no tension to it. Figured the cable snapped and that was that.

So I go to pull the car out to turn it around and the rear brakes are completely engaged. Feels like the rears are frozen solid. What can I do for them to bring them back to life?

You probably don't want to hear this, but you need to pull the calipers and rebuild them, or send them to be rebuilt. You can pull the pads and push the pistons back, sometimes that will buy you a little time. If the pistons are sticking bad, you'll end up heating and warping a rotor, costing you more.

I rebuild them, Eric Shea probably has the best deal going on rebuilding and plating them.

If you don't know anything about this, take it to a pro.

You might try adjusting them. It sounds like they're getting old though. What happens is crud and rust get around the upper area of the piston and they begin to stick. If you can adjust them you might be able to free them up.

Make sure you keep new fluid in there. As spring approaches, everyone should look into this. I've torn apart hundereds of calipers and I've seen ones that look new inside and ones that are just toast. New fluid makes a 'huge' difference.

Back to your brakes. Try moving your inner and outer adjusters either way to help break up what ever is holding your pistons. If it's your handbrake arm you may have bigger problems.

If you're going to bleed the system and get new fluid in therem you might as well take them off for a more thorough inspection. You should be able to pull the handbrake lever by hand with a heavey pair of gloves on. CLean everything off with a wire brush and some brake cleaner. Don't spray the cleaner directly on the rubber stuff, it's milder than carb cleaner but it can still damage the rubber.

Good luck.

Hmm.. not such great news, I was hoping it was a simple fix. Well, I'll start with the "at home" stuff: fluid, adjusters, and cleaning. If all that fails, then I'll be giving you a call Eric.

Come to think of it, the brake fluid is probably rather old.

Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it.

Just an FYI, the service interval for brake fluid is two years! Which means you should bleed new fluid through the system every two years.

If 'everyone' here did that, they would have some awesome brakes that would damn near last forever.

Given the driving habits of the rabid loonies on this board... I would do it every year. If your racing (seriously racing) you're doing it after every race. Autocrossing, beginning and end of season, 'at least'.

Good advice.