10 THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A POLICE OFFICER
(ididnt no come up with this, so dont get mad at me)

1. I cantreach my license unless you hold my beer. (ok in texas)
2. Sorry, officer, i didnt realize my radar detector wasnt plugged in.
3. Arent you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must have been doing about 125 MPH to keep up withme, good job!
5. Are you Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in Relatively Good Physical Condition to be a police officer.
7. You are not going to check the trunk are you?
8. I pay your salary.
9. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
10. Gee, Officer! That's terriffic! The last officer only gave me a warning too!

11. 85? Oh so you weren't following me earlier on?

Also:
Would you like a donut officer?
I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school.
Bad cop! No Donut!
Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on COPS?
Wow! You look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.
So...you on the take, or what?
What do you mean "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to the .45 under my shirt.
Wanna race to the station, Sparky?
Hey wasn't your daughter a porn queen?
How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

Good times

A friend of mine got pulled over (true story here) on the way back from Dunkin Donuts, for rolling a stop sign.... he lost his license that night.....

1985....After driving the wrong way on a one way street, the cop asked he if I saw the arrows?

I told him I didn't even see the indians.

12 hours of traffic school.

"Why don't you try clocking me again?!!!" ...after I argued with the cops that there was no way I could've hit 40 MPH in that short of a distance. Got locked up for that one. Hey, I was much younger and waaaaay stoopid-er.

You can't out run a radio!

#12. Hey, I've got a joke for you. Q: Why do cops wear mustaches? A: To hide their stretch marks!

Never roll down your window 1/2"...stick your licence out and go "What?!!"

If he asks you if there's someone who can come and get your kid, it's a bad sign, and you should probably say no ..................... The Cap'n

True story:

Early 80's in Louisville KY, driving my 74 2.0 home after closing a bar down with my roommate, too many Long Island Iced teas, smart ass in a 80's Vette next to me is gunning it at the light, roommate says ...you're not actually gonna...light turns green, drop the hammer, I'm actually beating this guy up to about 70!, blue lights behind me, HOLY SHIT!!!!!, learned lesson from earlier speeding experience and commence to kiss serious ass... absolutely no excuse officer, what I did was very irresponsible, etc., etc., tells me to sit in the car, walks back to cruiser, almost piss myself, cop walks back up, tells me to behave on the way home and "...you were kicking his butt until I pulled you over...' No lie. Roommate (who was arrested for DUI 3 weeks earlier for a busted taillight) tells me "..you TOTALLY SUCK! YOU LUCKY BASTARD...!!!

"Sorry, I never get caught, so I am used to going this fast."

He says, "you know why I pulled you over?"

You reply "Your the fascist pig, you tell me."

Friend of mine in HS got pulled over at the bottom of a hill. Same cop that had given 2 seperate speeding tickets the week before. Cop asked why he was going too fast. Kid looks back at the big hill behind him and replies

"Fucken Gravity!!!"

After the cop was on my tail clocking me and BEFORE I knew it, I took a sharp left turn onto my street. He hit the lights and I saw him and pulled over. He says, "were trying to loose me back there?!? I said "What? I didn't even know you were back there. He said, you mean this thing corners like that all the time? Yep, no ticket.

When I was younger I actually got pulled over with the "Bad cop! No Donut!" and the "D.A.R.E Donut Abuse Resistance Education" bumper stickers on the back of my car and the officer didn't find them very amusing.

Hiedi

when i was dialing in my carbs, i was running without plates, lights etc....

made a new friend.... came outta nowhere.

lighting up 3rd and 4th with the short geared box....

"what are you doing going so fast?"

"Sorry officer, i was dialing in carbeuretors...(sync, and small tools on passenger seat), i am sure you know how it is on your bike"

"My bmw is fuel injected , take it home right now son"

oh... I don't know. I like:

(cop) "Do you know how fast you were going????"

(slits) "No, but I was in the lead!"

Sorry osiffer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am....

or

Are you Ponch or John?

Been there done that crap.
"My wife has a car just like that - it wont go much over 90" Nice new CHP tells me after getting me at 125 in my 84' civic with an Integra engine and trans (cruising behind 4 other cars on 101. Doing about 125mph - guilty as charged) DOH - sucks to be first! $512 ticket in 93' (he was kind)

Outran a bike cop the other night. Saw him come up on me with no lights. Right turn. Left turn right turn. Down two blocks. Right turn, down two blocks. Came back down the first street I was on. The cop was standing there on his bike, a block down literally scratching his helmet.

"Which way did he go? Where di he go, George? Hicup!"

At one MUSR, John Leto stops to get gas. He ends up doing a donut right in front of a cop!

John is a character. When the cop asked him why he did it, he said "I thought cops LIKED donuts?"

Open the window and say !

" I'd like a big mac, french fries and a coke ... "

Not from me ... coming from my favourite movie "Groundhog Day"

Middle of a summer night in rural Iowa while in High School.

I'm cruising to a keg party on a friends farm in my 1974 FIAT 124 Sport Coupe (an excellent car for learning auto mechanics as it broke down so often). I turn off of a main highway onto a county road and punch it.

I'm hauling along as fast as the silly thing would go when I notice headlights in the rear view mirror. As I'm traveling fast I think nothing of it as I should be out running that car. Well, on the top of the next hill, I notice that the lights are closing on me, but miles back. Again, on the top of a hill I notice that the other car is still closing on me.

So I back off of the throttle, drive the speed limit and allow the car to catch up to see if it's a friend. As it got close, the peanut vendors came on and I pulled over onto a gravel road, got out and waited. The Highway Patrolman walked up and said, "I don't know how fast you were going, but I had to go 125mph for 3 miles to catch you".

He had seen me on the main highway and turned to follow me as my headlights were rather dim. After giving me a warning (as I wouldn't admit to my speed, thanks #1), I get in the FIAT to drive on. Car won't start (that would account for the dim headlights, a faulty alternator). The Patrolman helps me try to PUSH START the car (thanks #2, ever heard of that in Calif.?). Car still won't start. The Patrolman then tells me to get into his car and DRIVES ME HOME, 20 miles away (thanks #3, ever heard of that in Calif.?). Tempted as I was to have a Patrolman take me to a Kegger, my common sense held fast for the evening (thanks #4 from my friends).

Pays to look like a clean cut kid sometimes.

FIN

P.S. back to topic.

"You'll never take me alive, COPPER" - Jimmie Cagney

"You can follow me home if you think you can keep up"

My dad told me this one. He was driving his '73 1.7 going 60 in a 40 and a cop pulled him over. He was like shit. The cop comes up and says you were speeding huh, and my dad tells the cop yeah I think I was The cop asks for license reg. and insurance. cop goes back to his car and runs the information. Cop comes back and goes ok Mr, Bernardi so uh hows this thing run my dad says why the goes i go a '72 at home. NO ticket .

Uhhh, I have Lien Sale Papers on that chassis that says it's mine!

what are you talking about?!??!

Don't ask me why, but I have a couple.

In High school, flew past a cop taking radar on Ward Parkway In Kansas City, about 130 on my Honda Interceptor, Turn on the lights as I was still approaching him, gave him a look, but did'nt let off. Drove another 6-7 blocks took a left, then a right, then a left, ducked into a driveway, pulled up the garage door and rolled in, shut the door, like I owned the place. He went by real slow with the light searching for me.

Stayed there about 20 minutes. Just when I was about to leave, some old dude opened the garage door, and told me the cops are gone, you can leave now. I thanked him and pushed my bike out to the street. Went by the next day and mowed his lawn, and left him a note of thanks, something about being young to once.

Then.......

When I was about 21 I was driving my mustang to a SCCA race in Oklahoma. Out of OK city at 4:00 am, I decided to drop the hammer, about 145 mph, off in the distance I could see headlights approaching, but thought what he hell, whats the chance, sure enough Oklahomas Finest State Highway Patrol, passed him going 145 indicated. he stood on the brakes, and turned around. I got off one of the exits a few miles down. and hid under the underpass. I could hear him go over and keep going, So I went to the local Burger King to wait for it to open. About 1 hour later they were just about ready to open when I got bum rushed by 5 Staties with guns drawn. After being detained, and cuffed, and yelled at , the field Sargent? showed up and asked the cop if he had my plate number, which I knew he didn't at 145. So they let me go.

Last one, and this I got screwed, which only makes up for the ones I got out of or ran away from.

Going home (Massachusetts) on RT 495, which is a circumferential three lane highway around the west side of Boston. About 5:00pm Friday night, I get pulled over (in the fast lane) in my company van (no decals dark blue commercial tags), the guy says "license and registration" Which I have ready for him. Then he asks "do you know why I am stopping you?", I said "actually no" . You were going 71 in a 65. Really, I say. So let me get this right, you stop me for going 6 mph over the limit on a Friday Night on a highway that every Cape Cod tourist speeds on. Are you serious. He says yes. I say, 'I'll bet you the ticket that the next ten cars traveling in the fast lane are all over 75 mph. So he says Okay, get out slowly and come back to the cruiser (patrol car). We procede to take radar for the next ten cars. 84,83,82,85,81,79,84,82,80,69........ 69 WTF. He wrote me the 71 in a 65, I paid the F ing ticket, I figured my luck was up. He must have been a Statie in Oklahoma.


Erik Madsen

6 miles an hour over? Blow me officer! I know...I know it happens once in a while...but WTF! Why don't you go pull that senile blue haired lady over and throw the fricken book at her for going 80mph the wrong way down the freeway?

I had the "opportunity" to drive a VW convertible bug from South Bend to LA. This bug was complete with the flower and peace signs. I was also outfitted with my long hair, Army Field jacket and a bevy of "God's Own" for the trip. Trip was somewhat boring until I hit St. Louis. I stopped at a rest stop, eyed some guy in a Trash Can (Trans AM) and we figured we were both OK, so I traded him some of my stash for his hash. It was a hell of a deal.

About 2 miles outta the rest stop a Misery State Polizi Car fell in behind me. I wasn't speeding and for the next 5 miles he wasn't moving. I figured it was about time to ingest the stash I had. So I spent the next couple of miles chewing away and trying to swallow without liquid accompaniment. Just as I was about to finish, he hit the lights.

Now it's real hard to talk with a mouth full of Alfalfa, but I was prepared to give it a go. As he walked up to the driver's window, I rolled it down, knowing full well that I looked like a chipmunk storing nuts for winter. He leaned down, looked at me and said, "Made ya eat it didn't I". He then turned around, walked back to his patrol car and left.

I found the nearest hotel and spent the rest of the night crusin the universe!

10 THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A POLICE OFFICER

#1: FUCK YOU! along with in his face...

That'd be grounds for a beating or jail (or both)

........b

P.s. cops are my friends too many in the family not to be

That was one of those rust free Kalifornia chassis.

Classic story...yu da man

Later