Friday, September 1, Westlake Village, 4pm. It was hot. Working the garage detail and listening to honey do suggestions for the weekend, logged into club site. Read Z's lonely guy post with cry for help. Figuring that's what partners are for (get me out of this place before I kill someone), I agree to accompany him on his NARP mission to recover the Chalice and Golden Fleece.

We meet at the Mesa Cafe, a hotbed of criminal types in Santa Barbara. He's hard to spot at first. Arriving in a giant Yukon towing a new 'No Bad Days Racing' trailer, he completes the guise dressed as a football ref, complete with striped shirt, funny little white pants, knickers, cleats and goofy hat. Just to make sure I (and everyone else in the place) notices him, he blows his whistle and throws a flag in my general direction.

Beating a hasty retreat, I suggest he may want to wear something less noticible. Agreeing, he dons the 'Bite Me' Tshirt with a big Alaskan mosquito, a little gift I found for him on my last mission. Decides to change his pants and shoes (in the parking lot), and only one problem remains. He smells like a French whore after a hot night in Marseilles. But he quietly ducks into Sav-On and steals some deodorant. Trust me, this whole episode is better without pictures.

Friday, September 1, Santa Barbara, 10pm. The heat of the day and some of Mike's BO is gone, we hit the road to Napa. Being NARP's we are well trained and equipped for the mission. Giant bag of Butterfingers, beverages, and cigarettes. The Yukon has the right stuff, too. 26 speaker 12,000 watt stereo tries vainly to drown out the Valentine beeper and Jill, my GPS byotch that keeps sceaming at every missed turn. But the Mexican country music is sweet, the Yukon purrs, we take turns napping and driving. We stop for a bite in Solvang where Mike convinces the waiter we are gay and on our Honeymoon.

Traffic is light, we make good time, and only a few minor incidents. Heading thru Gonzalez, Martinez, Gomez (I always get those places confused) the cabin fills with the unmistakeable aroma of ripe greenus fartus domesticus. Z insists that it isn't him, babbles something about Hydrogen Sulfides as a byproduct of oil refining, and drifts back to sleep. Whatever. Just as I begin to recover, we hit Gilroy with garlic harvest and my eyes begin to tear again.

Then, Jill says we will arrive at Mark's around 3:30am, so Mike suggests we take a side trip to pick up his Cabrio hardtop. "It's not far from Napa". Right. Somewhere halfway between Sacramento and Reno we arrive for the top. Still early, so we grab a quick nap in the Yukon before waking our contact.

Saturday, September 2, BFE, 7:30am. It was brisk. The exchange goes smoothly, and we hit the road again for Napa. Tune in tomorrow for the second installment, when we learn about:
6 egg omelettes, Z's fabulous new car, Mark's home in paradise, Admins that hide behind trees to avoid seeing you, 914's that don't wave back. Food fights in nice restaurants, phone support from NARP central, and complete replay of script from 'Blazing Saddles'.

PS. Mike, after having dinner with your 12 year old daughters, suggest you visit armoredundergarments.com now. You'll be glad you did.

Some Honeymoon.

Hah!! You and Mike. I knew it all along.

my favorite was the message i got from howie "blah blah... mike is mad at you..... go fuck yourself" LOL

Grumpy old men III

Sounds like alot of fun

In fairness, only 24 hours with Mike, the last 12 were spent in recovery. Let me just say that guys my age should not go 24 hours without sleeping in a bed or brushing my teeth.

And AA, referring to us as Bert and Ernie ain't winning you any points, either.

Mike...Mike...Mike...that all I hear! It's all about Mike. So...I guess this means our date is off to Martins BBQ? I feel rejected......... (PS: Howard...try to buy that "6"...off lots of money, Dietrick, "special favors"

Howard -
You obviously missed your calling -

You could have been.... (could still be...) a houshold name with the likes of Dan Brown and Michael Critchton....

Give it a whirl and write a novel about the adventures of unclub members and their NARPs...

I would buy it...

Between the smell of the Hydrogen Sulfides, geritol, ben gay, cigarettes, BO, nylon (zebra uniform) and the various other illicit chemicals in that truck, you could likely get it declared a Super Fund site and get funding to clean it up. Not sure the gubmint will do much for the occupants, but the truck might be able to be saved.

See you at 4, dekman. And to you and Elyut, I'm still available. See below. Thom, thanks for the kind words. My last name in Drano, so I AM a household name! Joe, did you know that Mike is a HazMat Inspector for SB county?
From Chaprter 2:
Mazie was blonde, with a spectacular pair of big, blue eyes that could touch your soul. As she brought menus to our table, Mike looked at her with a wistful, far away stare a NARP gets when he finds a perfect low mileage 6 in a barn. I returned from the men's to find he not only had her number, but also the number of her 20yo daughter who is starting at UCSB this fall.

He had dropped me like a rusted battery tray.

I don't fart...much.


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I guess that means the honeymoon is over....

Now Howie, you think that joke would be any good if'n he weren't a gubmint hazmat 'spector?

Hey, what did you do with all the dust I gave you?

I used the chamois jacket Howard left in the Yukon...

Very nice car...like those rims! What color is that Mike? Must of been a hard trip taking a "Senor citizen" along.

Hey get my plates off that car.


The color is arena red metallic.

Dust?
That's it to the left of the car in the 3rd picture. Mike will be using it for his landscape project.

Plates are off.....the red sticker in the window is the official CA registration until they verify the VIN#.....

My lawn is dead on purpose...we are doing the landscaping and the wife wants rocks.....and palms and a little bit of grass....

the car is beautiful. Howard's naration is hilarious. Thanks!