1st let me say that I've got a pretty darn good marrage and nothing too terribly wrong is going on


What I have noticed is that a few times things have gotten a little "heated" around the homefront for one reason or another (leaving toilet seat up, not mowing the lawn....etc, etc) my non-running-project-for-life 914 & the "internet", more specifically the 914world.com is brought up and neither subject is talked about by my wife in a loving manner (please dear, no cussing in front of the girls )

I do see her frustration about the 914, it is a sickness I have for not being able to make forward progress...the question is what to do about it??

I've admitted I've done some stupid and foolish things like my last purchase of rims and tires when I already had a set pretty darn similar but they just didn't have the "perfect" look I am trying to achieve with my car.

Short of selling everything off and turning off my internet access at home, what is a guy to do

Are you still getting fed? Getting laid...at all?

If it's yes and yes....don't worry about it.

make a gratitude list:

Roof over her head? Yes
Food on the table? Yes
Healthy happy girls? Yes
Good jobs? Yes
Good friends who will help when you're in need (at 914world.com)? Yes

She has your full support? Yes

Are you a druggie/drunk/adulterer? No

Maybe she just needs her own VOLVO turbo project car completed? =-)

The danger signals I keep a look out for is whenever a conversation starts with:

"You know, you care more about that damn boat...."

or

"How much time did you spend with (fill in name of child) this week!!........"

Thats when I make a few phone calls and arrange a 'date' with the wife...

As big a blessing as they are, your kids are pushing the wife up near the edge, eating up most of the 'forgiveness' tolerance zone....

Basically, you've moved from the "Standard Machined Finish" +/- .005" stage of the relationship into the "Bearing Surface Finish" +.0000"/ -.0002" zone.....

Have her read: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger ...

She's right. 914's in general and the 914club in particular are the Devil's Spawn. You must resist!

"Well, we could be sitting around staring at each other, or I could be working in the garage." The answer is obvious, so I work on the car while my wife watches her Novela's. At days end, we sleep in the same bed.

Her downside is an expensive taste in fashionable clothing, though admittedly she looks great. In the end, I guess it's a small price to pay.

Andys

really bad days usually start with:

"we need to talk ..."

OR

"so, how come ..."



what she's really trying to tell you is that she wants more attention from you and your *other* things (914, clubsite) are competing with her "attention time".

but men usually only hear the "tension" part, er, i mean "tention" part ...

you should have learned that by now,
Andy

Get her her own 914 to drive and........um, nevermind. That might be a bad idea.

Tell her that your girlfriend thinks your car is cute, never complains
and that she likes to hold your tool...
Let us know how that werks out 4 ya;-)

Sounds like she needs some time alone with you or some time alone without work and kids. Or both. Two kids (no matter how cute) can be stressfull and are a big adjustment to any relationship. You escape to the garage/workshop/internet when you can and she resents that. You have to listen to what she is not saying (all women know men can read minds so this part should be very easy).

Make arrangents for a baby sitter and do a date night....the kind of date she likes....they type of resturant she likes, then movie & popcorn (pick a chick flic). Surprise her with flowers just before you leave the house. Stop and buy her a small stuffed animal (even if it's out of a grabber machine).....

But then what do I know....I've been divorced for 17 yrs

Who woulda thunk it, Andy a sensitive guy!

My mother-in-law told my wife that spending too much time and money on cars was a whole lot better than hookers or booze. It's been better since then.

Just so you don't feel alone, my wife absolutely refuses to ride to the RRC in my new "Nascar" 914. She wants to tow it up on a trailer. I'm currently exploring muffler options. It's all compromise, just make sure you get your way more than she gets hers.

Another thing that's worked great for me is to say I want to move to Alaska. Whenever she makes a big stink, I pull out the maps. I tell her she can teach kids in the arctic by radio. Works like a charm.

Boy isn't this post appropriate!

I don't know if you all have had the privilige of meeting Steve, but he is one of the genuine good guys. Last night Steve came over to my house to help me tie up a few loose ends before GAF. To make a long story short, Steve was in my garage working on MY car while I was inside getting the business from my wife while I was in the shower and getting ready for a party that we were late to cause Steve and I were trying to finish up. Basically, I just wanted to say thanks to Steve, you can call on my for help anytime...

tx


Keith

I had the same problem. The answer was to send the car off to the body shop to be restored. It has not come home yet, hopefully by Christmas. Then I will be working on it after she and our son goes to bed. The only problem with this plan is that she keeps asking me when is "it" coming home and how much is this costing.

Make sure your relationship always comes before the car. Talk to her!! Mine didn't talk about it, and it built up in her to the point where she left. You've changed tracks & cars a lot, so maybe she thinks there'll be no end (there isn't but don't let her know that ). Just my .02

Well Mike I'd like to give you an inspirational story of how she will grow to appreciate your hobby given the time. But nope - not gonna happen. I think there is only a handful of women in the world that understand cars and most of them hang out here.

Take my wife (please!). She hated the car when we met back in 75. Mind you she didn't say anything till well after we married. Even in it's long slumber in the garage there was always a resentful 'when are you going to get rid of that thing'.

I've got it covered now though - when she asks that now I just say:
'listen - if I have to get rid of things that are old and a little saggy, just remember that the car has seniority over you.' Man I love sleeping on the couch.

Just remember the old married couples credo: Before you make love remember to use those three words that mean so much in a relationship...



Are you awake?

Brian says the same thing about his guns and video games. I have no room to talk since I have my own rust bucket I'm trying to justify.

Does Sherryl have any hobbies? When I'm bumping the board, making jewelry or knitting, that's when Brian's playing video games. It's healthy to have separate hobbies. Does she still go out with her sister and girlfriends? Volunteer twice a month to stay home with the girls while she goes to do whatever she wants. Spa and wine tasting in Napa, cosmos at the local bar, manicure/pedicure, shopping, etc... You have your happy place (right between the jack stands and the lathe) so she should have a happy place too. She's probably not only jealous of you not spending time with her, but also jealous that you have a hobby that you're really involved with.

I hope Brian doesn't lurk on the board.

Jen

Mike (and Bay Area guys in general), if your wife wants to start a "Wifes of 914club Addicts" support group, let me know, because my girfriend/SO would be a vocal attendee.

You're not alone....

Might want to lay off the internet for awhile. I know I spend way to much time on here. Lucky for me I am not in a relationship so I can live like a caveman.

But I would gladly mow lawns for sex and a bj!!!

Hi Guys,

Interesting forum. Take it from a senior member of the group. No one has it better than me.

My (2) children are grown and out of the house. We have a Northern Michigan condo on a lake up-north (MI lingo). I send my wife to the cottage for the summer and I am down-state (260 miles away) working everyday in my business. I do my work during the week without interuptions, eat when I want, play on the computer, work on the 914 & go to bed when I want. The only thing I have to be ready for the 9:00 P.M. phone call to discuss the days activites. For the weekend (Sat & Sun) I work my way up-north (Fri) calling on clients & arrive in Petoskey for the weekend honeymoon weekend . I return on Mon. calling on clients on the way back to Plymouth & start all over again. Now is that a great way to handle women?? We have a wonderful marrage & been married (42) years (both happy) & have a great respect/trust for each other.
Now the downside, she comes back for the winter months & I have to wait till spring to send her back up-north.

Take it from a senior member & learn something from us older guys. We know how to handle women & 914's!!!!! Ha, Ha, I am thinking about sending her away to FL this winter & I will have to stay here in Plymouth.

Tom
BTW: My advise to you guys. Everything starts & developes in their minds/head first. Take care of that & it's a piece of cake.

communicate! The concept of sharing really works

explain that the 914 is not a means of transportation, but a hobby, just like collecting stamps or what ever...
All hobbies cost money. Heck, I know people who spend more on collecting miniature cars than I do on my 914 and you can never drive any of those either
And that for YOU tinkering with it is maybe more fun than having a finished drivable car (your 964 is a good example)

same goes for the club/internet
explain that it's just like reading a book or watching TV, just a different medium
and as said above, it beats hanging out in bars

I don't know where your computer is located in the house, but I suggest you put it in the living room (or room where you both spend the most time together)
My wife first complained about it (it's ugly, taking up space, etc), but when asked her if she preferred me sitting in a seperate room all night long, she perfectly understood
(note: if she prefers you being in a seperate room, you are in trouble )

Try to include her in your car/club stuff. That doesn't have to mean she should get involved (help you wrench on your car or participate here on the forum) but tell her of the stuff you do and what exites you (or pisses you off).

Basically, she doesn't need to understand or share your passion, just as long as she understands it is your passion
(and keep in mind that it works the other way around too ofcourse )

Tom, you have a timeshare wife?? Sweet deal!!

Jen

When we were moving the Mill into the garage, one of our neighbors caught one of the other neighbors saying "Wow - she must be very understanding"... LMAO.

Seriously though - we went through something similar about a year ago. Basically - it was easy for me to go into the garage and do stuff for a few hours and totally remove myself from the family - whereas my wife's hobbies are more sterile and done in the house proper, which means she doesn't really get away from the kids - even when she's trying to do something else (and I am looking after Ben)

You may want to try to get her some alone time - take the kids out of the house for a few hours or get her to do something outside of the house.... I renovated this little shed thing we have at the back of the house so Susan can do bookmaking out there and not be in the house proper....

Just ideas... I think that kids are really stressful and when you're at the end of your rope (either partner) it's harder to be rational - so more minor issues can become more major than they would be otherwise. We've just found it's important to communicate everything (even minor irritations) and try and be understanding with each other.

Man I don't know why everyone is giving such horrible advice here but I think the answer is obvious. Put the kids to work buffing and polishing the car parts and jack stands 6 hours a day, while you do your interneting. Consolidate, consolidate, consolidate. Send the slacker kid on trips to the post office to mail ebay items your going to be selling- to pay for your wifes weekly 6 hour pedicures/facials/massage. Kids busy. Wife's busy. You're busy. No more whinning!! Then you can sit back and start resembling my avatar!

Now that is funny!

My wife started out like this "why do we have two pieces of sh*t sitting in the garage and $80,000.00 worth of cars sitting in the driveway", and it went down from there.

I'm in the same boat. I tried moving the computer into the living room and it was good for a time. Now it's not so good and I think the only answer is to limit myself to maybe an hour a day and spend the rest of the time with the family.

My 3 (twins who just turned 8 and a 3 yr. old) girls are growing up fast. I don't want to be one of those old guys that wished he had spent more time with his children while they were young.

It may be a mixed blessing, but I'm moving soon to a place out in the country without DSL. I'm sure dial-up will curb the addiction.

i dunno.
she calls the 914 the date mobile,
and asks how the guys on the club are when i crawl into bed....
................................................
however we have our fair share of "moments" these last three years
one little trick if you want to call it one....
i almost never missed putting either one of the boys to bed

What are the odds on the over 50 under 40 events at the RRC?

Ditto...well she didn't say the sh*t word. I'm still trying to figure out a good explanation why both of our cars are sittling outside and my two car garage has just one car that only moves on occasion.

My wife has been great so far, then of course it hasn't started to rain yet.

Mike,

You once asked me how my wife is supportive of my hobbies. Besides love, it's because I supported her misadventures and hobbies. I bought her many many $300 beanie babies during the craze that aren't worth their pellets now. Now she's into Lladros but at least they're a better "investment" than anything I have. We still have a 15+ year old TV, a computer with WIN98, and don't take vacations but we have our hobbies!

Having kids adds a pressure on the marriage but I'm certain you will survive. Willingness to learn is another virtue you have...

Beanie Babies, my daughter and her did that, now its QVC, Scrapbooking and Kathy Van Zeeland purses.

Send her off to college with a new beach cruiser bike, and have her come down on the weekends... In the meantime.. buy a bike, and forget about the 914...


Thats what I did!


I dont have any experience to help you with.. but I think that giving her time for her friends and her hobbies while you handle the girls for a while is a good idea.. Also time management is another one..

GL!!

Andrew

I hope you can convince Sherryl to come to some of the 914 events... you just have to be prepared to leave when she wants to until she's more comfortable with us (by us I don't me, I mean maybe SLITS and Howard)... I think the more she gets to know your 914 compadres, the more she'll tolerate your addiction... and regular boy/girl dates and commits to keep the girls so she can get away for her stuff are always helpful, but I'm SURE you already do that!!!

Too bad you aren't coming to RRC - I'm already planning to hang back to watch kids for the Saturday drive! Maybe Howie, too!!! (Howard would be watching kids, too, not being watched by me).

My wife just tells her friends that my 914 hobby is better than me having a blonde for a hobby...


Wifey has red heair and hates blondes......

OOOoooooooo... You pushed it with the new wheels. That prolly set her off.

If roles were reversed, it would kinda be like yer wifey having expensive jewelry for a hobby and she just bought another big diamond ring....

Time to pledge undying love, point out she and the twins are the loves of your life and the car is a hobby.

Me, I use cars for stress relief. When stressed, I do best just doing something with my hands rather than thinking.... Think you do too Mr. machine parts guy.

So, go with the better than a blonde story, then undying love, and then the stress relief story. Follow it up with a big date offer.

Ken

I married the girl that I took to the 1980 high school prom in my first 914. Didnt have kids. Its kinda sick when she tells me I didnt go far enough by installing a 2.4 six in the car. She's all over me to upgrade the 914 to make it the ultimate track car. Problem with me is I'm a cheap bastard when spending money on my toys. I'd rather take her on an incredible trip or take her out to a great dinner and a concert. 914 board is great relief to terribly boring confrence calls with Asia and Europe during off hours so I'm not missed. It helps that we are both workoholics too.

If someone else's wife had to live in my house for a week or 2, when she came back home, you could do nothing wrong cause you would suddenly be her Elvis.

Wife's, others, resent most things we spend time on and vent like many of us do in these recent threads. Truth is funny if we just listen and don't forget to laugh. When the heat dissappears, the things causing the heat is hard to remember.

MikeCool

Another thing, Mike. Do you tell her about us? We are your friends. I tell Brian all about you guys. He knows about #4, your twins, Fiid's kids, why Fiid's name is 'Fiid', he knows about ^Easton^ and ^James^, Karl & Hunter, Miles and his goat, Chung's home improvements, DD's lawyer, McMark's unhealthy obsession with burgers, Andy's recent medical anomaly and his grandchild, Turtle Mountain Brewery, etc... Help her understand that it's much more than just a car club. We actually share more than how-to's for our cars. We share ourselves.

Jen

no wonder my wife thinks the car is worse than a mistriss...

Mike,

Long time no talk..I noticed this tread and had to put my two cents in.
If you remember, I mention that I finished my motor 6 years before I even installed it in my -6.. And don’t forget that I had to give up my 2nd hobby ( skiing ) for 7 years before I even got back on my skies( had 21 days on the MT this last season). . Some things ‘just’ have to take precedence over others.

What I did during those years was to save the ‘peace’ - spend /work on my Porsches ONLY when the better half was not around. Second, work and grow your financial base
So you can ‘buy’ any time you want. Third, maintain and grow the relationship with the better half- other wise all is lost when one has to pay child support!

Being married is like having another job.


PS I now have 7 cars in the family (three drivers) and 5 are for me

He musta said something to her about me....they came by the house and she wouldn't get outta the car....and that was a LONG time ago.....prolly thinks I'm an axe murderer by now....

I love being unwed.

Mike, I wrote an article that hopefully will be in the Dec issue of Excellence about most of us car builders . Basically, the focus is making a plan for your project (before you start) and sticking with it to avoid this problem. (For instance, those flares)

Anyway, sit down and really decide what you want with your car. Make a budget and stick with it......Your wife will be easier on you if she knows you have a goal and are staying with it.....

Sweetheart, I'm unwed and I'm having to deal with this shit as well. If I was making enough money I'd be an alcoholic

Wish I could give some advice but I'm actually trying to follow SirAndy's advice.

My girl entered this relationship knowing I was a car adict AND she doesn't have a hobby (as my buddy told me, I'm her freakin' hobby). It has been getting better and it does boil down to dividing my time 'tween my hobby (wrenching/internetting/reading/collecting cars) and my girl. It's tough to do but I'm getting better at it because we're having less conflicts with it. It also helps that she tries to be a part of my passion e.g. she joined us on the Mt. Hood cruise at the WCC2006. If your partner doesn't accept your passion then it's gonna be an uncomfortable ride

I have found that it is easier on her and myself if I keep the "how much" to

myself. It's going to be spent anyway so why fight over it. What she wants to

see is results, something finished. While I am building an engine nothing is

getting done until it is in the car running. So restore one thing at a time and

leave it in a place it can be seen, works for me.

I had the "too much 914Club" talk the other night. And most of the time I find that I'm bumping the board just waiting for something new to post. Now I get in, read the new stuff, and then shut it down. But, I agree that she's probably feeling a little jealous. So you probably should mention anything 914 related (club or car) for the next week or two. If she brings it up, fine, you can talk about it. But don't be the first one to mention cars.

Oh and the revelation/idea you told me about on Tuesday is a good step in the right direction. You need to spend the little time as you have available finishing your car.

If you want my advice on a timeline, here it is:

Throw the L-Jet on the car and get it running.
Get the rear control arms built and installed.
Get stock brakes installed and bled.
Drop on some stock wheels with cheapie tires.

That'll get you drivable. And drivable will get you points with the wife. Then once you've got a proven runner, move on to improvements that won't take the car out of commision.

Flare the fenders one at a time. It'll look funny while it's in progress, but WHO CARES!
If you're still gonna do the turbo project, build the hard bits off the car on one of your bench engines.

The point is not to start any projects that you can't finish in a couple days.

And finally, and most importantly, call on your friends for help. I'm more than willing to show up and help tackle projects to make it and keep it running.

Just want to add my last piece of advise.

Jenny really nailed it & so did Mark about what this club is all about. Everyone else had great advise.

My final advise, because so many of you have young children. Don't try to build the ultimate machine while the children are young. Keep the girl friend, wife & children first in your life & the car second in life. Build a future first, then the rewards will come later in life. So many of us get into long term projects & should just build & drive what you can afford early in life.

My personal story: It was a struggle while the kids were growing up to plan their future, take care of the wife & build a business. It was only later in life when I was able to build my (5) year 914 project. Early years were about dreaming of it & planning our future.
"Family comes first" & 914's come later.

Tom

Jen

Not quite right. Most timeshares let you trade yours for others. Yikes

Dave