Brian, don't take any crap from these people. They are just envious of your good looks and quiet charm. So you can't drive, spell, or form complete sentences. Since you moved IQ of both states has increased.
Regarding the hair loss issue. For every hair that doesn't grow on your head, God has seen fit to replace it with 2. One will grow out of your nose, the other on your ear. As long as you groom them properly, sport this new hair proudly. Braiding your nose hair can be fun, and will give you something to do while looking for a job. Andy can give you some tips on what to do with unwanted hair.
You could use work on your sense of direction, so in honor of your birthday, I have enrolled you in 'Map Reading and Navigation 101'. The instructor, Professor Toast, will contact you shortly. A second course, 'How to Win Friends Thru Positive Conversation' will be available as soon as Gint has the time.
And cheer up. If you didn't like the last 40, wait till you see the fun the next 40 brings. And with friends like this, who needs enemies?