I have a coworker that has a troubled youth.

Her son, now 13, was formerly a straight-A student, had great friends and was a nice young man. This was two years ago.

About that time, his best friend was murdered. In the same time frame, he was in two car accidents (one in which he lost one of his fingers). Ever since, he's been angry at the world, lashing out, rebelling, and getting continually out of control.

He now is getting involved with drugs, crime, hanging out with older kids and adults, failing in school, disrespecting his parents and generally being a bad kid. He skips school, escapes out the bedroom window at midnight, lies and steals

His parents are in a low-income household. THey work hard to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. His mother has tried the counselors at school (she says the really have nothing to offer), they've tried anger management, outside counseling, etc.

They are at their wits end and the mother says that she's losing her baby.

She is looking to me for ideas on how to get help for her child. Her problem is she can't afford much, if at all. Government funding, state funding... anything would help.

I've asked if he has any interests, and she says none that are good. She goes to church, but he has no interest in attending youth programs or getting involved in Scouting.

She'd love some sort of boot camp, boys ranch, boarding school, or scare-straight type program... but she can't afford anything.

Any and all ideas are appreciated.

Thanks,

Karl

Maybe we could donate him a teener and give him a project to work on at home instead of going out to find trouble. Provided he straightens up, he could have the car at the end of the rebuild. He would have to have his mother log on to this site and give updates on his behavior. Good behavior, gets parts to continue the project... Bad behavior, gets nothing. We as a community should be able to provide most of the things this young man would need to complete the rebuild. But only if he steps up to the plate.

I have 3 teens at home, if anyone has an answer I am all ears.

Alternativly, you could just kick thier asses like our parents used to do. It worked back then, damn sure it would work today. If I had this problem, I would use "corporal punishment" if they threatened to call DCFS, I would give them the phone and let them know if they want to call them, go ahead I would even look up the number. I would go to jail, they would be removed from thier household and placed in the foster system, and see if life would be better in a different home whom are not thier real family... I would sit in jail for my children no issues at all.

There are programs here offered thru the County, free of charge for kids in

trouble that can help. Social services can direct her who to contact.

Or restriction for life is always affective. Have her call the county, shoot we pay

for these programs anyway thru our taxs, she might as well benefit from it.

Karl,

I have spent the last 15 years working with young men that are in much the same position. Full time. Dam near 7 days a week.

And the only advice I have for the mom is not to co-sign the negative behavior as best she can. Thats the best she is going to do.
He is pissed and angry. And has no way to vent it out in a socially acceptable way.

The advice I have for you is simple. Until an older man steps up to mentor this fella. The odds of the young man, learning to become the man he really wants to be, may not happen.

It is up to the men that have a social consciousness to get with the younger man and teach them how to be. It has been that way for thousands of years. It has never changed. I suggest YOU step up... or find someone that will. And try to engage the young man with care, honesty and a healthy masculine identity that he can relate to.

The young man needs a SAFE place where he can vent HOW HE REALLY FEELS. And it ain't pretty.....

He doesn't have this safe place to mourn his loss and his pain.

The older men need to step up and create this safe place for him...

Or it will probably get worse with time.

I believe thats the best we can do as a man. Create a safe place for the young ones. let them feel their pain with the men.... So they don't have to act it out in society.

Clayton

This is one tough question Karl....

If at all possible.....

This works... Send him here to get him started.

I think the next weekend is in June. I will be on that mountain top with the young men.

It is an amazing experience for the Older men as well as the young men.

A gift of a life time in my opinion.............

Clayton

It is my understanding that his father is at home.

I am just not confident on the parenting skills of the mom and dad. Whether they are too soft, not strict enough, or don't enforce what they preach.

I believe rehabilitation requires efforts on all sides. Many times it's the parenting skills that enables the behaviour... but in this case, there are a lot of external factors and events that have tried to shape this young kid.

Thanks,

Karl

I think Clayton has a very valid point, the idea of having a mentor to vent to, some one to confide in and to trust....someone who will take the time to guide the boy through this maze called life ...
My mentor John Janzen died about 11 years ago...and i often wonder what he would say or do in the situations i find myself in today.....

given both the research and anthropological studies that have been done on this topic, clayton has it right on. unfortunately, the odds for this guy aren't great. the idea of "coming down hard" on the kid or "kicking his ass" will likely backfire. this young man would likely need an entire change of environment to get the therapeutic experience he needs to recoup his life.

that said, any means of intervening in his life is, of course, worth it.

Alateen?

At least there he can stay sober and work on learning some coping skills...

For $1 a meeting what could it hurt?

I just spoke with a counselor at the Florida Sheriff's Youth Ranch. Very encouraging, and they might have several programs they could qualify for.

Will keep you posted.

http://www.youthranches.org

I liked what clayton had to say, that's great you do that kind of stuff.

Its hard for anyone to deal with the kind of twists that life has dished out at him lately let alone a teenager, and figuring out how to trigger the desire to turn things around within is one of life's great mysterys. Some people never find it.

best of luck and bravo to you for giving a damn....

Around here we have PAL, which is a police activity league. To my understanding its a free program where youth (especially guys) who are having probles can go and interact with older people (male police officers) in an informal setting and learn things like boxing or play other sports to release anger and aggression.

I don't know how well it works, or if you have alternatives like it in FL tho.

There many county/state youth camps available, but they are voluntary. If said youth has no desire to make a commitment to turn their life around and stay with the program, they're out. There's one such program in California at the National Guard facility in San Luis Obispo that's state accredited and will get them a GED. Youth must apply along with a letter explaining why they think they'll benefit from the program, and go through an interview and selection process. They have a grils program that I sent my then troubled teen daughter to, but after crying her eyes out after the first night about how she didn't want to be there, they released her from the program.

There are also a few privately run programs where they show up at 4:00am to the surprise of the youth, and wisk they them off to a controlled facility far away. That's the other extreme.

There are also many programs offered by the school systems just for these kinds of troubled youth's. Believe me, your co-worker is not alone by a long shot.

Surf the net, and you should come up with a lot of info.

Yeah, I too miss the ass-whupin days..........

Andys

Good response Clayton.

PM sent Qarl

compliance is a matter of voltage











LOL.. thats what my Dad the EE always told me LOL

Good one, Aaron.

I grew up in a group home. Juvenile detention facilities have an "optional" program here. Where you can send your kids for the weekend.

But I like Clayton's idea the best. A mentor is the cool one. But the hard part is finding a mentor that a kid is interested in. Especially when none of his real interests are apparent.

Also, your local human services may even have a mentorship program. Better check it out.

I was that young man.
My uncle grabbed me and moved me out of Riverside, up to the San Luis Obispo area, waaayyyy out in the country, 40 minutes to town, and made me work really hard on a ranch that he lived on. He kicked my ass a couple of times too, and I was left with no options other that to do the right thing, mostly.
That was 23 years ago, I haven't even really seen any drugs for 20 years, and now I'm a devoted husband and a father to a wonderful special needs 9 yr old boy.
It can happen, don't give up hope. He needs to lose some options for awhile, until he can make decent chioces.
I'm 41 now, and I'm finally not that angry anymore. It takes a long time.

In the event that anyone listens to what experience of hardknocks has shown others.

When you isolate, you will can instill a few good traits but when you roll the rebel child back into the public streets, where people point out anything they do and call it bad, even though guided by a guardian tutor, the hands again become fists.

Changing one person is not really going to change the long term problem. It's the public that this kid resents because he sees it as a stonewall that denies him his terms of choosing authority based on his own ideals. Not others.

Everyone, young or old want to be in charge of their own emotions without someone telling him that he is wrong every moment. Nobody wants that. You have to involve the young people where they make their own decisions, not someone else calling all the shots, right or wrong, but all in accordance to their own logic of how they fit into the whole plan of the social life we call society.

The only way the kids will change is when we all change from being judges of others.
It's very prevalent, the few who judge who is only important to them even in a small group like this 914 group. Don't expect change to suit you alone. Change to be suitable to all. Become a friend to all that you don't try to understand and the problem won't exist.