Way off topic, but I had to share. My 2.5 year old daughter just keeps flooring me with the things she says. A few weeks ago she was trying to balance on the arm of a small chair, gave up, and said "That chair isn't stable enough". Jamie and I were stunned and asked her "What does 'not stable' mean?" She said "It's about things that are going to fall down"

Tonight she said "What are you looking at". I said "Lathes and mills". She said "I want a mill." I said "And what would you do with a mill?" She said "I want to use it to make toys for my dollies."

I'm just wondering how long is it going to take for my kids to figure out they are smarter than me.

-Ben M.

"When are going to beat me at Autocross, Dad?" and that is in the car I built!!!
I have beat him once so far........godamn punk ass kid.....good thing he is moving to another state!

Geoff

My three-year old cousin says to his mother..."Mom, can I have this toy?"....

No.

So he goes to his father (my Uncle) and says..."Dad, can I have this toy?"

No.

So he says... "I asked Mom and she says, No, and I ask you and you say No"

So my Uncles says... "Then I guess it's unanimous!"

My cousin says... How come it's always YOUnanimous... I want it to be MEnanimous!

We all laughed and bought him the friggin toy. Smart kid!

We're roaring over here right now. My 5 day old daughter is grunting out a crap. She makes this fussy face, scrinches up her legs, then power squeezes - all while grunting.

You folks with young kids..... You have no idea....

I have teenagers - and when the phone rings after 1AM - the most amazing thing they can say is "Hey Dad, I'm not calling from the Police Station or anything...."

You wait, you ain't seen nothing yet... -Conversations get more amazing as they get older...

Yes they do.

I keep telling Dad im gona beat him in auto x.. Then I come home and show him who's boss playing NFS: PU

Arent kids grand Dad? (he'll reply in a few hours..)

Andrew

I don't have children, but, I've got plenty of Nieces and Nephews. Nothing cracks you up like teaching a 5 year old some choice phrases.

"You realize I'm the one who is going to choose your Nursing home" got me banned from 1 sisters house.

"Mom, your a Hottie" got the ban lifted.

I taught my other sisters 2 year old to bump knuckles. And her 7 year old to flash gang signs at cops when on the road. My sister isn't sure if her 5 year old got "Are you talking to me" from me or the Saprano's, but I know. All my relatives keep glaring at me, and mentioning vague threats after I have children, but I'm not worried.

Keone, my 2 yr old, has copped a nasty little attitude lately. Pushin' buttons all day long. Its funnier than shit. Kori gets pissed at me for laughing...

"DONT EGG YOUR SON ON !!" Keone mocks mom

"Mommy, THATS Uncle Dave's BEER !!" He drinks Redhook IPA, We drink Fat Tire (but didn't have any FT)

Keone keeps pickin' on Eli, too Eli laughs (til he bonks his head )

Ahhh.... the good life

My little brother is 18 years younger than I am, which leads to trouble, huh?
Anyway, about the same time he was learning about Baby Jesus, I started teaching him how to say "Nice TaTas Babe!" Well, I'm away at college and get a phonecall he blurted out "Nice TaTas Baby Jesus" right after the sermon at church!

my oldest son, must have been 84. he was 3. thanksgiving dinner at the then inlaws. "these carrots really suck". he was right. haven't thought of that in a long time.

kevin

One of my son's Oliver is Autistic and had never spoken, while driving in the car one day with a car load of kids I was explaining to them that Oliver cant answer there questions because he is autistic and is unable too.
I looked over to the passenger seat at Oliver and he replied " I can speak a little Dad ". I almost lost control of the car and didnt know if I should pull over or what. He didnt speak again for many years. He is now 17 and doing great, he can say just enough to get his needs met and more.

LOL... so many great children out there!

No more threads about kids... you are making me reaaal jealous.



M

nah, its funny when they do call from the police station!
"Dad, can you pick me up at the police station? I didn't do anything real bad."
Oh, How bad was it?
"We got caught tagging ".
Ok, I'll pick you up in the morning......

Geoff

No wee littlins for me yet, however, my roommate has a three year old little girl. I did what I could to corrupt her, I taught her several things a 3 year old shouldn't know. But the most vivid one of the past year was this. I kept having her rehearse a particular saying that you would never hear a 3 year old say. Once she got it down perfect, I sent her on her way to try it out. She walked into the living room and started throwing pillows (all part of the plan) When her mom came in and asked what she was doing, she calmly (and remeber this girl has just turned 3) Walks over to her mom, stops about a foot away and puts out her hand infront of her face. She looks at her own hand for a sec, then flips it around and puts it right in her moms face and then blurts out, "talk to the hand, mom!"

I died laughing!

Doing my part to help corrupt todays youth, Chris.

This happened to me last night....

I don't have kiddos, but I do have 1.5 year old niece (Olivia) and 4 yr old nephew (Anders). They are in Ohio and I am in Colorado. I took a new job and we are in the middle of an audit - so I had to for go the family trip to Ohio as I will be in the office on the 26th

Last night I called to say Hi to all 10 of them. Anders got a hold of the phone and asked me when I would getting there. I told him I had to work so I could buy him a really great present.

"I don't want a present uncle Cott - you just come visit"

It tears me up even to type this - that kid ripped my heart out..... I'll never forget that conversation.

I cant imagine the connection you dads have out there with your kids - you are very lucky.

Happy Holidays All -
Scott S in Colorado

"daddy, why dont you have a 3.2 six in this thing????"

Nick at about 3 years old while taking a bath:

Nick: Daddy, boys have wieners and girls don't.

Me: Are you a boy or a girl?

Nick: A boy

Me: Is Mommy a boy?

Nick: No Daddy, she's a girl, she doesn't have a weiner.

Me: Am I a boy or a girl?

Nick: Your a boy Daddy, you have a weiner, and you have a BIG one.

sm

Hey Malmz, it's all realitive!

My youngest son (age 2) saw that I had left the garage open one morning when I left for work. He went running to Mom yelling "Daddy took the Porsche (2 syl) today!"

Kids will say atleast one thing per day that'll floor you.

Now he has is own Porsche to play with. I'm so proud. My oldest (6) is looking for a better ride now.

today my 7 year old son calls my office at 1030-ish and says..

"dad since it's christmas eve, do you think you could come home early? i don't want to get you in trouble so i was thinking, not 330 but maybe 415. can you do that? we could have some family time. (choke up here)"

i was home at 1220....

damn i love these little ones..... makes a jerk like me feel like i may have something to offer afterall.......

PS: work made me be there, otherwise, it would be lego racers and dragon tales all day..... damn responsibility.....

Uncle M, I've got a couple to spare. Just give me your PO box #.

As my son Brian grew into the man he is to day ,he said many things to make me reflect on what was important in my life. BUT----------- the neatest thing was the first time he said " Hay Dad here's that $50.00 bucks you loaned me last Wed." That was a mile stone .
My daughter at 4 yrs. old woke up with a swollen eye. from a insect bite. She Looked in the mirror and said "Dad my eye's on crooked!"
Dave

no kids. like it that way. don't mind if you enjoy yours tho.

Well.

While divorcing, two years ago, on one of the weekends I had my children (then a 7yo boy, a 4 yo girl and a 3 yo boy), my daughter is weepy "because I miss mommy."

"I know sweetheart, but you will go back to her tomorrow."

"I miss her now."

"I know love, but this is daddy's weekend and it is important we see each other; I do not get all that much time with you. You will go back to mom's house tomorrow and will see her then."

"OK."

Not being able to leave well enough alone, in classic insecure divorced dad fashion, I have to ask "when you are with mommy, do you miss me?"

Without missing a beat and no hesitation, she looks me straight in the eye and says "I pretend to" and grins.

heh.. I was just making conversation.


M

nice one Larry!

I don't have any children but I remember always being surprised by questions I was asked by children living in apartment buildings in certain areas of Long Beach. As a parole agent, I had to visit parolees at their residences and many resided in the poorer areas of town. Invariably, a small child would see me enter their building and ask if I was the "landlord". I would reply, "No"; and then the child would say, "Oh, then you must be a cop...!" At that they would turn and walk away. This happened more times than you can possibly imagine.

Malmz it doesn't count till your son decides to anounce it in a crowded mens room at the airport. Told the wife later and we just giggled the whole rest of the trip.

Yup got a 17yr old and a 3yr old. Little one says " I'm so mean" and whops the big kid on the head with a plastic bat. I almost pissed myself.

Taught him all about Butt cracks.. If you fall down hard you can crack your butt. You could see the gears turning as he turned to his mom and says " momma fall down lots of times... momma got BIG butt crack. and into the dog house I went.

Hey Dad.....Mom ran a red light when she was yelling at us....declared my 7 year old daughter.....I told her that I hate to hear about stuff like that....she then said that Mom thinks I drive like an asshole.....