Title says it all ! I guess I am in the market for a divorce lawyer in the panhandle of Texas. Anybody know of one or any advice ??

Sorry to here, Can't help with the lawyer thing. Just wanted to say hey.

Hey Rick ....Good to hear from ya !! It has been coming for a while, I just put my foot down the other day and told her that I was TIRED of the crap !!!! She packed most of her stuff and was gone ...and the more I dig, the more I find !!! At least now maybe I can get my car finished without someone bitching about 914 parts !!

A little advice don't agree to anything or sign anything w/o a lawyer. I am working now to correct the mistake I made with mine.

Dave: Been there done that( many yrs. ago) the other side is much better.

Positive attitude helps a lot. Just take care of yourself. Dave

Yep ...I'm trying to keep a positive attitude. Looks like she made a lot of her friends mad and they are all on my side ! I also have a letter she wrote me saying that she wants nothing but a little bit of child support and that is it ! She may have done herself in with that one ....

David,

The letter will mean nothing in the hands of her attorney. Best advise is try not to fight with her. If you do, the only one who wins is the divorce lawyers.

Been there done that member

But ....if that letter is in my attorney's hands, it could keep her from taking everything .....couldn't it ??

Nope! Just be glad your in texas though. She wont be able to take your kids out of state. Your spousal support is limited there. She will get half thats a fact that you will just have to get used to. I am not a lawyer but my sister is ... She is not in your area...

Good luck just hope she does not try to take the porshe.

Also, the other statement above about not trying to fight is very sound advise. Watch out for your lawyer charging 3-400 an hour just because they were thinking about your case.

Advice is worth exactly what you pay for it. If free, it is just an opinion.

Inquire at your region, city, county bar association about the attorney who is spokesperson for your local bar association. Hire her/him. but have their rules and terms of service to you on signed paper. They can use temps but still charge you those steep hourly rates as if they themselves are doing each minute. There is a lot more but they will fill in the blanks if you stipulaate their fees in entirety.

Respect is your 1st tool needed and an attorney who speaks for the entire bar group at municipal functions will command the respect of the wife's attorney. Sort of deceitful but you have to clone Alfred E. Neuman's attitude. Not worry or badger the time factor.

Will cost YOU more but normally will be settled in a much shorter term. That is important to you as well as your soon to be ex-spouse. The longer it runs, the more ragged the results become.

If someone gets in your face, and they will, smoke a REAL stinking cigar and blow smoke rings, not rings of fire in their directions. Wife's friends are still wife's friends. Be wary and distant to their "helpful" support. Don't be avenging and telling everyone in the world your personal business and your spouse's faults. Character is always the best trait to keep from tripping over the shadows of fabrication and hear say.

BTDT.

BTW. I am celebrating our 50th anniversary in a year or 2 and believe me, I learned to follow the advice my head of the bar association lawyer told me way back when we walked on those burning coals you are standing on. Keep cool.

Good luck

That will get you nothing. My #2 guy on my crew had the same crap from his x and she said he made her sign it and it was tossed out. Good luck to you though. Best thing he did was get a flat rate lawyer. She tried to run him out of cash and it backfired on her. She ran out and my guy just paid one fee

Depending on your situation, this could go much easier for you if you DON'T use a lawyer. I speak with experience here. We bothe agreed that we would not use them, and the whole process went much faster, and much more amicably.

Zach

I think most of the time the heavy lifting in a divorce is done at a negotiation session held just before the actual courtroom sit down. If everything cannot be worked out by the negotiation session the money gets serious as you go to trial.
I recall my ex dragging out the negotiation and refusing to agree to how she was going to pay me back the money I paid (separate property) for her grad school. She had to pay me 70K and she wanted to pay it back without interest over 20 years. I finally, after 3 hours of lawyers running back and forth from her room to mine said, 100K at 1K per month for 100 months and she can take the last 30 months off if she brings back my cat Bear. My lawyer thought I had lost it but you have to remember, I knew my wife. Just like that, she took the 100K for 100 months and said she would keep the cat. Both her lawyer and mine thought that must be the most expensive cat they had ever heard of. I know my ex. She will die with 300 cats running loose in the house and crap everywhere... She is a cat freak.

If there are kids involved, there are guidelines regarding your or her income and child support. In most cases unless there is some reason not to allow visitation or joint custody this can be worked out amicably.

The lawyers really gather data about what you own. What you owned before you were married. What are your assets. What are your debts. In California, what you owned before you were married, what your assets were before you were married, what your debts were before you were married is yours. Likewise for her. What you acquire after the marriage is ours and is split equally.

Lawyers aren't magic. They still have to work within the law and divorce is pretty well drawn up in a guideline fashion. The thing to avoid is an idiot lawyer who lets something slide or doesn't notice or really know the law.

I think the advice to keep your head when she is losing hers is best... Just keep saying the mantra "I just want what is fair" while she is screaming she wants everything and things should go your way...

It's just stuff. You can get more stuff.

When I was going through my divorce, I was having trouble getting her out of the house. I went to an anesthesia conference in Chicago and when I got back, I stopped at the take out to pick up some food. When I got home the entire freakin' house was empty. I called a friend and ranted angrily for about a half hour then looked at her and saw she was laughing! I said what the hell are you laughing about? She said "You got what you wanted" "She is gone". Heck, the court even made her pay half for my NEW furniture because she had taken the old stuff...

It feels pretty bad but sometimes starting over is a good thing. Maybe you need to start lower in order to reach higher...

Good luck. Happier days lie ahead.

Do your homework if you want to save time/money: www.nolo.com

sorry for the situation...

She's taking half... once she hires a lawyer, he knows where is pay comes from: A % of the settlement. That is why divorce lawyers are such lowly creatures: they profit from, and often encourage the breakup of families. She is taking half.

Make sure youre doing everything you can to assure your kids are supported by both of you during this very difficult and confusing period for them/him/her.

I'd suggest good family therapy to anyone going through a divorce as this is very tough time for your children. Dont know about Texas, but in California most judges mandate some level of family therapy or individual therapy for kids going through a divorce. Make sure you do your homework and get a good therapist it will make a world of difference for your children.

It really doesnt matter about who gets stuff as others have mentioned, just make sure both of you do everything to make sure your kids come out of this healthy and well supported.

People have been going collabrative legal approach with divorce more recently. Probably worth doing some internet searches on the topic. But both parties need to be thinking mediation is better than settling in formal court setting with attornies duking it out.

Found some tips on how to best support your kids during this time:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/children_divorce.htm

Best of luck to you. I'm sure this is hard time for your family. But if its not right for you and your wife I'm sure this is the best for both of you. Hang in there!

I feel terrible for anyone going through this......It's very frustrating and hurts a lot. Hang in there!

Try not to look at all the bad and this is all doom and gloom. There is good in this although it may seem remote at this time. You get an opportunity to go shopping again. You know more what you want and you will make a better choice next time around ultimately giving you a more enjoyable life. I went through this 28 years ago. At the time it was horrible but it allowed me to find my present wife who I have been very happy with for 20 years. I avoided the mistakes I made so young. So divorce was good for a fresh start. Once she was out of my life and the paper work done, life was good again.

Don't get into a pissing match over the belongings. It's much better to get her out and be done than pay the lawyers. This worked for me...

List all the belongings. List things like "bedroom set", washer and dryer" etc. Hand her the sheet and say pick what you want and alternate choosing. You may even find that you are swapping items once the choosing is done. You won't get all that you want but it will be done and you can replace anything else. Hand the list to your lawyer and have them enter it in the property settlement....then move on.

I wish you the best of luck.

Keep your head up & on! This can go bad very quickly. Try to be kind to your soon to be ex. Arguments will not help & you are better off in the end if you keep your head. All your worldly goods are replacable so don't sweat them to much. The family therapist is a good idea. I've been luckily married for 14 years. My wife is a wonderful lady & I am blessed to have her. I have been thru quite a few divorces though. My mother married 8 times in my life. 6 of which happened with me at home. It can be very tough on kids. Not sure of their age but be there for them. Keep a good relationship with your ex or that can be tough. It makes such a huge difference when you have a father growing up. I was lucky growing up the way I did. I learned how to be a good husband & father by seeing what not to do. Took a while for me to appreciate that but I do now. Just make sure you can be there for your kid/kids? That is tough to do if you don't keep a good relationship with your ex. I wish you the best

Do yourself a great big favor by contacting United Fathers of America. They are hands-down experts, and you'll have access to legal counsel that specializes in this when childern are involved.

http://www.unitedfathers.org/

Andys

note to self-never get married

I still had to pay $4000 in total to get this crazy chick out of my house(not married just dating). $2000 for to get her an apartment and close to another $2000 to get her furniture. It was worth it to get her out of my life. Crazy bitch had her father threaten me if I didn't give her money. Did I mention she was form Texas

The worst is I can't go to Colorado Cafe anymore because she will probably have some crazy cowboy there kick my ass.

No help here at all. Just reading it reminded me how crazy this year has been.


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Guys if there are any signs the girl is crazy or had a troubled past you need to run away. I don't care how stable they seem or how good they are in bed.

I also hate to be so cold but if a girl was in an abusive relationship you should stay away from them as well.

Well, having done it twice, I recommend closing all credit card accounts and any joint accounts NOW! Sell and/or protect anything you value prior to the papers being served. This will shield you from her having access to everything. Even if you think it is going to go smooth the kids will be her main focus, and reason, when she tries to establish child support!

Anyway, I wish you luck and she must have loved you at some point. I like to believe that people are fair but it just isn't always the case!

Divorce brings out the worst in everyone. protect what you have and try to work out as much as you can before you get the lawyers involved. I walked away from most everything and didn't ask for anything but to keep what was mine. That was a mistake of sorts, she asked for the world and I didn't have anything to bargain with but bending over. File first and you will have the upper hand.

Mine wrote that she did not want my Navy retirement and the divorce was her fault...I lost 30% of a retirement I did not have yet and she refused to pay for anything that the divorce stipulated. Only people who win are the lawyers....you are at a disadvantage...mine was unfaitful but yet she got the better deal..


Michael

Get it over with as fast as you can. Minimal Conversation and don't believe a word until it's in the divorce documents. My dad was my attorney. He hated the ex and wanted me to move on. $350 total.

One things for sure, the 914 will be in better shape, buying parts whenever you want, and then doing anything you want. Too bad that only lasted a short while for me. Met my next wife online (Russian) the week the divorce was finalized (not really looking either.) Nothing but fun times since and she loves the car. Oh, she takes out the garbage and cleans...

Also, like everyone else said, be in control and don't communicate with emotions. Get to the point with her, the easier it is, the better.

Example: She took the tv..... it was nice too.... I bought the 100" HD projector after it was final. I had nothing but 2 cars and a mattress on the floor. Rebounded NICE

It gets worse if you were the faithful one and she was not, or visa versa. Hard to bite your tongue when you hear the other man in the background.... and its Christmas.

Marriage is great but with the right person. You have to look harder, learn from the old, take chances, and get out of your comfort zone. Very cool women out there in the WORLD. Not all want to come to America for a green card. You can spot that very easy.

I agree with all the sound advice about keeping a level head. I would not get married, ever again. Why? Just get a rent-a-girl and get your ya-ya's when you need them and then move on. No need to have the next one clean you out of your half and hers, then drive you to the funny farm with all the aggravation.

Yep - get it over ASAP.


... then hook up with her best freind or sister...... or both.
Helps with recovery... ALOT.

In Georgia, you have to be seperated for 3 months, with no kids. Every state wil have it's own time before you can file. Kids is different. Since mine was so fast (no kids) she didnt have time to have a "screw you" plan.

Perpetual bachelor for this very reason...

To the youngsters out there: NEVER GET MARRIED! A Marriage Certificate is the worst, one-sided contract you will ever sign.

Well ....papers were filed on Thursday, and are supposed to be served to her sometime next week. I have talked to my kiddos a couple of times, and the oldest (11 y.o. daughter) is not real happy where they are at. They are going to spend next weekend with me!! Strange thing about this whole deal ......I helped her and her kids move out on her now ex-husband. And now she is living with her ex-in-laws !! What started this whole mess is 2 weeks ago, her ex-in-laws GAVE her a 2000 Mustang with only 80,000 miles on it. The day after I asked her if there was anything that I needed to know about, she packed up and was gone !!!

Hey divorce sucks plain & simple for all parties involved. I can't imagine being single again. To the guys who don't want to be married & tell people to just stay away from it. I would say that is bad advice. There is someone out there for everyone. Hell I found the most wonderful woman in the world. So there is hope for everyone. I've got 3 914's right now & she is cool with it. Not a big 914 fan herself but she supports me in my hobbies. I can tell you I would be miserable w ithout her love & support. So please don't put marriage down. The institution of marriage is a beautiful thing. Just be careful & make good choices. To David I'm sorry you have to go thru this. Sounds like your relationship with your 914 is going to go up a notch or 2. Hope everything turns out okay