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> THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY, add your own laws
effutuo101
post May 7 2008, 04:12 PM
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THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

 Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

 Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

 Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

 Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

 Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

 Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

 Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

 Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

 Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

 Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

 Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

 The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something whic h will last until the coffee is cold.

 Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

 Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

 Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

 Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

 Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

 Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

 Doctor' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go t o the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

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zymurgist
post May 7 2008, 04:31 PM
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QUOTE(effutuo101 @ May 7 2008, 06:12 PM) *

 Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.


Corollary:
The aforementioned tool will land on your foot on its way to the corner.
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balljoint
post May 7 2008, 04:37 PM
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Law of 2 Year Olds:

Your child will not say it back to you in private (letting you believe that he/she did not absorb it), but will always repeat that choice curse word, either in public, or at the very least, in front of your mother-in-law.
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blitZ
post May 7 2008, 04:49 PM
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Beer please...
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Law of ex-girlfriend location
The probability of running into your ex-girl friend is directly related to your current girl friend jealousness.

Law of Off Topicness
The probability of your post being moved to the Sandbox is directly related to how off topic it is.
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dw914er
post May 7 2008, 04:51 PM
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so true

for so cal residents

law of the carpool lane

it will always be slower than the rest of the lanes

(with my experience on the 91 and 210)
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effutuo101
post May 7 2008, 04:56 PM
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LOL! sorry about that. I don't spend much time in the sandbox as some of the information contained is a bit risky for my sys admin... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)
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gary gartner
post May 7 2008, 05:14 PM
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A variation to Law of Variation--------
The shortest line in the bank, or the Market
will ALWAYS take longer to get thru (IMG:style_emoticons/default/mad.gif)
gary
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KaptKaos
post May 7 2008, 05:24 PM
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The Law of Field Goals

A field goal kicker on football will miss the field goal he is lining up to kick as soon the announcer says "he hasn't missed one all season!"
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messix
post May 7 2008, 07:48 PM
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AKA "CLUTCH KILLER"!
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Law of stupidity: when you thought you have seen the most stupid act, billy bob will say "wait, hold my beer and watch this"!
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So.Cal.914
post May 7 2008, 08:00 PM
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"...And it has a front trunk too."
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Law of the Sea:

Anything designed not to leak...Will.
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KELTY360
post May 7 2008, 08:02 PM
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QUOTE(effutuo101 @ May 7 2008, 03:12 PM) *

 Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).


The inverse is not operative. If you stay in your lane, the other one will continue to move faster.
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Pat Garvey
post May 7 2008, 08:02 PM
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Do I or don't I...........?
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QUOTE(messix @ May 7 2008, 07:48 PM) *

Law of stupidity: when you thought you have seen the most stupid act, billy bob will say "wait, hold my beer and watch this"!

Wait!

Variation on your variation! My brother-in-law actually (25 years ago) told me hold his Jack, while he tried to blow up a balloon with his ass! It worked, but barely (no pun). Still hasn't held a job for more than 2 weeks since!

Yeah, this should probably be in the Sandbox - but it's good stuff!
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Trevorg7
post May 7 2008, 08:04 PM
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Law of work:

There is an infinite amount of work and a finite amount of time.

T
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Wanna9146
post May 7 2008, 08:29 PM
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Law of Hotness:

The cuter a girl sounds on the phone, the uglier she will be in person. (Inverse: If she sounds like Larry King on the phone, she'll be a "10" in person)...
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ericread
post May 7 2008, 08:39 PM
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Untitled Law

No matter where you go... There you are.
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zymurgist
post May 7 2008, 09:27 PM
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

-Erma Bombeck
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effutuo101
post May 7 2008, 10:15 PM
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I had to wake up a girlfriend once with this one:
Did you realize that you are the product of thousands of years......of random breeding?
Rule of evolution
It was worth the slap.
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r_towle
post May 7 2008, 10:17 PM
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Law of Moving
When moving you must move a refrigerator. If one is not present, renting a fridge is acceptable. An alternative item would be a fold out couch, but only if you have more than one floor of stairs to carry it up/down.

Rich
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eg914
post May 7 2008, 11:11 PM
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The law of free:

Take anything that is free and won't get you into trouble.

The law of dietary control:

Don't eat anything bigger than your head.
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effutuo101
post May 8 2008, 12:33 AM
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QUOTE(ericread @ May 7 2008, 07:39 PM) *

Untitled Law

No matter where you go... There you are.

Buckaroo Banzai
I loved that movie!
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