 Late night, a bottle of gin, and feelings of emptiness . . . and a Mak, "You . . . complete me" |
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| 914-8 |
 Apr 21 2006, 12:13 PM
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#1
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Senior Member  Group: Members Posts: 802 Joined: 23-January 06 From: Cal Member No.: 5,461 Region Association: None  |
Tried to get to sleep last night . . . but the multiple "badge or no badge" polls kept running through my brain, unabated, like a runaway freight train. Tossing and turning in a cold sweat.
Then came the distant twinklings of an epiphany. I pulled myself out of bed and into the kitchen, pulled the Bushmills off the shelf. Ahh, that's better. Well, a glass turned into a bottle, and night turned into morning, but then it struck me. All these years, yeah, it's been an ok life. But always, in the back of the mind, something was missing. That final piece of the puzzle, if you will. The "You complete me." The badge! Of course, the badge! All these years, I've heard them. They never thought I did, but I did. The snickering. The little chuckles. The dismissive "it's just a VW" muttered under the breath. For 20 years, I've tried to just let it go. Just laugh it off. But those close to me could see the tears behind the laughter. "Why, Mr. Fellow Motorist at the Gas Station Pump, must you torment me so?" In my 911, I am met only with adoring adulation. The 914 derision. Why must that be? What does the 911 have that the 914 does not? Staring at my 914 and my 911 safely slumbering next to each other, I realized the answer was sitting right there on the hood. All these years, right under my very nose. I staggered to the garage door opener, empty bottle in hand. Pushed the button to be greeted by the cool morning light. Blinking uncomfortably as my eyes adjusted to the dawn of a new day, I knew exactly what had to be done. This, indeed, would be a new day. The first day of a new life. One where I would actually live, dammit! I twisted the key and 5.7 liters sprung to life, her idle a bit more nervous than usual. "Easy, girl, easy," I whispered gently as I pulled her out of the garage and into position, "this won't hurt much and it's all for the better." To memorialize her last day as a pitifully unadorned creature, I snapped one final picture. (IMG:http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v520/bak535/Picture121.jpg) Hand trembling, and eyes bloodshot, I unholstered the faithful Makita. “Ahh, my little pretty, even three layers of lovingly applied Zaino Bros. isn’t going to protect you now!” (IMG:http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v520/bak535/Picture122.jpg) As the angry tip of the carbide bit into virgin sheetmetal, my years of longing began to fly away like the tiny shards of metal being dropped at my feet. I said a silent prayer, “Please, Butzi, guide my hand lest my aim be straight and my drill be true!” And so it was. As I stumbled back to soak in my handiwork, tears of joy welled up in my parched and delirious eyes, as a flock of white doves took flight from up behind my humble dwelling and a vision of Heinz Nordoff took shape in the reflection on that gently arching hood. Overcome, I collapsed into an exhausted heap of my now glorious and invigorated chariot. “You’re no VW, you’re no VW . . .” I mumbled as I drifted into sleep’s sweet release . . . (IMG:http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v520/bak535/Picture125.jpg) |
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| Aaron Cox |
Apr 21 2006, 12:33 PM
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#2
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Professional Lawn Dart Group: Retired Admin Posts: 24,541 Joined: 1-February 03 From: OC Member No.: 219 Region Association: Southern California |
LOL....
you shoulda asked - i have an NOS one i need to unload |
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| Jaiden |
Apr 21 2006, 12:34 PM
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#3
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Member Group: Members Posts: 346 Joined: 13-January 05 From: Stroudsburg PA Member No.: 3,443 |
Awesome! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/drunk.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/beer3.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/beerchug.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/beer.gif)
I just hope you meant to put it on upside down!!! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/chairfall.gif) |
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| blitZ |
Apr 21 2006, 12:36 PM
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#5
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Beer please... Group: Members Posts: 2,223 Joined: 31-August 05 From: Lawrenceville, GA Member No.: 4,719 Region Association: South East States |
(IMG:style_emoticons/default/w00t.gif) LOL, that's beautiful.
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| SGB |
Apr 21 2006, 12:38 PM
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#6
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just visiting Group: Members Posts: 4,086 Joined: 8-March 03 From: Huntsville, AL Member No.: 404 Region Association: South East States |
This is too funny!
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| olav |
Apr 21 2006, 01:58 PM
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#7
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Senior Member Group: Retired Members Posts: 1,107 Joined: 28-December 02 From: Los Gatos, CA. USA Member No.: 34 Region Association: None |
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| drewvw |
Apr 21 2006, 02:08 PM
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#8
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new england car guy Group: Members Posts: 1,631 Joined: 24-February 06 From: Boston, MA Member No.: 5,630 Region Association: North East States |
That was freaking hilarious...well done! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) |
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| byndbad914 |
Apr 21 2006, 02:12 PM
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#9
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shoehorn and some butter - it fits Group: Members Posts: 1,547 Joined: 23-January 06 From: Broomfield, CO Member No.: 5,463 Region Association: None |
QUOTE(Jaiden @ Apr 21 2006, 11:34 AM)  Awesome! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/drunk.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/beer3.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/beerchug.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/beer.gif) I just hope you meant to put it on upside down!!! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/chairfall.gif) But of course he meant to - us 8cyl guys like to drink, repair and go fast. See, after careful, underground wind-tunnel testing (cuz that's how we be) a bunch of us determined that the factory badge, with the point first and the bullnose at the top, creates turbulent air for about 6" along the center of the hood above 130mph. That robs like 1HP from top speed. SO, by turning it around, the bullnose hits first, but the streamline to a point helps even out the airflow down the center of the hood for 10", actually gaining 1HP towards top speed. That trick is worth 2HP toward top speed. I am going to mount 15 badges in this fashion across the back of my roof to even out the airflow to my wing, but only after a full night of carefully administered (IMG:style_emoticons/default/drunk.gif) 914-8, I can't believe you told everybody. You didn't give them the secret password and handshake yet did you?? (dammit, the gay handshake smiley is gone, I was trying to leave that one open for response...) |
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| balljoint |
Apr 21 2006, 02:37 PM
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#10
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914 Wizard Group: Members Posts: 10,000 Joined: 6-April 04 Member No.: 1,897 Region Association: None |
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| jsteele22 |
Apr 21 2006, 02:43 PM
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#11
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Senior Member Group: Members Posts: 727 Joined: 24-August 05 From: Colorado Springs, CO Member No.: 4,653 |
So how is that Bushmill's gin ? |
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| tdgray |
Apr 21 2006, 02:55 PM
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#12
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Thank God Nemo is not here to see this Group: Members Posts: 9,705 Joined: 5-August 03 From: Akron, OH Member No.: 984 Region Association: None |
OMHMFG that was hilarious (IMG:style_emoticons/default/av-943.gif)
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| nocones |
Apr 21 2006, 03:05 PM
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#13
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Sportscar lunatic Group: Members Posts: 428 Joined: 17-June 04 From: Santa Rosa, CA Member No.: 2,220 |
914-8, I can't believe you told everybody. You didn't give them the secret password and handshake yet did you?? (dammit, the gay handshake smiley is gone, I was trying to leave that one open for response...) [/quote] You mean this one? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/gayfight.gif) Or this one? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/theexperience_hud.gif) |
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| pfierb |
Apr 21 2006, 03:12 PM
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oldest member Group: Members Posts: 606 Joined: 1-May 05 From: The sign of good government in Connecticut is to keep raising taxes Member No.: 4,008 |
You are a very funny person......still wiping the tears away......I didn't know Bushmills made gin.......amazing how much you can learn on this site.... all of it the stuff that is important in life.
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| mike_the_man |
Apr 21 2006, 03:22 PM
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I like stuff! Group: Members Posts: 1,338 Joined: 11-June 03 From: Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada Member No.: 809 |
I nominate this thread for classic status! The funniest thing I've read all week!!!
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| pupwag |
Apr 21 2006, 04:37 PM
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#16
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Newbie Group: Members Posts: 44 Joined: 19-March 06 From: ATL GA Member No.: 5,739 |
Looking at the title of the thread I thought he might have been thinking of shooting himself with a Makarov..that should have been Vodka aided I suppose.Very funny and nice paint!
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| Dr. Roger |
Apr 21 2006, 05:07 PM
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#17
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A bat out of hell. Group: Members Posts: 3,944 Joined: 31-January 05 From: Hercules, California Member No.: 3,533 Region Association: Northern California |
I was sooooo waiting to see THIS...
Attached thumbnail(s) 
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| Howard |
Apr 21 2006, 05:57 PM
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#18
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Incontin(g)ent Member Group: Benefactors Posts: 5,785 Joined: 24-July 03 From: Westlake Village, CA Member No.: 943 Region Association: None 
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914-8, just WOW! Thanks for the laugh (IMG:style_emoticons/default/piratenanner.gif)
Please turn it into a slide show and add music. Both Sides Now would be nice |
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