Steve's most Heinous Adventure, THE CONCLUSION!, FINAL UPDATE and longest. Options

[stephenaki]

So, everyone got an initial taste of my grand adventure trying to pick up my car in Italy. Well, here is ‘the rest of the story’ and let me be up front, this is long and only the beginning. I will submit another entry a little later but here is the beginning of the tale.

OK, so lets begin first with a short geography lesson to get everyone acquainted with where I am going from and too. Now, if you look at a map of Italy you see the boot and next to the toe, a small island that I refer to as the football or, if you want to get technical, Sicilia. It is on this island that I have to pick up the car. On the south east portion of the island is Catania which, is where I flew into. Continuing south is Augusta bay where my Navy hosts took me to pick up the car.

From Augusta, one has to drive to Messina, which is on the north east part of the island and closest to the toe of the boot. From Messina, you take a vehicle ferry to Villa San Giovanni and then follow the Autostrada up to Napoli. Rome is the halfway point of Italy and Napoli about an hour or so south on the west coast of Italy. All in all, from Augusta to Napoli it is approximaly 400 Miles. Why is Napoli important when I am trying to go all the way to Germany? Because, it was my interim stop for a couple of weeks before I pressed on north to Germany.

So, lets start with the first phase of the operation, the flight from Napoli to Catania. First off, know this, German law requires that I have the following three things in my car, Triangle warning kit, govt approved first aid kit (think of what might be in there) and a reflective orange vest. I have all these things to include a set of license plates in my backpack as I head to the airport.

The fun begins on the way there as I have to return a rental car before I fly but need to find a gas station open at 0530 in the morning. As luck would have it, I found a station not far from Capodechino airport; problem begins with trying to find my way back. My GPS is trying to take me through some back roads that are now one way roads due to all the garbage the Italians have piled up on the roads. I was only 5 minutes from the airport but it took me 30 minutes to get back. So now, I’m running a bit late as my flight leaves at 0700 and I finally get to the airport at 0615.

Still got time, no problem! Or at least that is what I thought until I saw the security gate line! Well, first things first, find Air one and check in. Oh look there they are and no one in line for them; since I am not checking any bags, this should be easy and it is. I do however ask the check in clerk if there will be any issues with what is in my back pack. He assures me that what I have is not a problem…he would be mistaken.

I get into the security line at 0620, did I mention my flight leaves at 0700? As I wait patiently, several people push past me and start cutting in front of the 30 other people waiting to go through the security point. First off, Italians don’t understand the whole queuing process and it is a massive blob of people pushing and shoving to get to the screeners. However, as these individuals try to push up to the front, several other Italians raise the alarm. The ones pushing to the front state they are late for the 0700 to Catania flight, which I am also on and, evidently a lot of other people in front and behind me. After a brief exchange of words to the effect of, ‘hey ass wipe! Were on the same flight get the hell in the back of the line!’ or so it seemed as it was in Italian and rather heated, they retreated to the back of the line. So I get to the screener at 0640, there are three screeners and I am at the center one. First problem, my warning triangles are made of plastic and solid steel rods that form the support and they decide they need to check to see if they can go through. Que Jeopardy music.

After about 3 minutes I am told nope, can’t take em. Problem is they won’t let me leave them at the security point but insist I go back to the check in station and have this plastic encased warning triangle put through as ‘checked’ luggage. Tried to just leave it with them but they were having none of that. CRAP! So I RUN to the check in counter, they do a call, tag my triangle kit, put a sticker on my boarding pass to claim it and then I RUN back to security.

Well, the line is gone, they have shut down two of the screening areas the one on the left and the center one I went through earlier. So now I go through the right side screener. “sir, is this your bag?” NOW WHAT?! “do you have scissors?” What? No I don’t have any scissors! “can we please look in your bag?” Sure!

Remember the med kit? Well, it has scissors. Why didn’t I know this? Because I never opened it and it doesn’t have an inventory on it but, they are medical scissors. You know the type, rounded tips so they don’t injure the patient if your cutting away clothing or a band aid. So now they have to find out if they are allowed; it is now 0650. They screener asks, “what time is your flight?” I tell him 0700 he says, “oh, you have plenty of time.” Sure if you say so.

Well after 5 minutes they still haven’t gotten a supervisor to tell the guy whether or not the scissors are OK or not. Again I tell him, ‘hey you can keep the scissors, I really don’t care!’ Nope, he wants a supervisor. At about this time the original dumbass from the check in counter comes running up to the security checkpoint, “Mr. Aki?!” I say yes and he says, “quick, you must hurry!” I look at him, I look at the security checker and say, rather loudly and emphatically, “I am trying to hurry! Tell him [security checker] that!!”

The counter clerk looks at me then at the security bubba and then back at me…he is at a loss. The security guy finally decides to make a decision WITHOUT his supervisor and says, “its OK” and we put the scissors back in the med kit, stuff it in the back pack and I take off at a run with the counter clerk.

Oh did I forget to mention this is a small airport so to get on the airplane you get on a bus that takes you to the plane and then you get on the plane? Well, the busses are done. So we get to the gate, it is 0700 by this time, and a little car with the yellow light pulls up. They stuff me in the car and we go zipping around the airfield to the airplane where I jump out and run up the stairs. So now everyone is looking at me as I make my way to my seat, don’t really care since I have miraculously NOT missed the plane.

As it was, we still landed in Catania early. I never did get my warning triangles back when I got to Catania.

Thus ends the first part of this tale, more to follow as time permits.

[stephenaki]

OK, part 3.

As we last left our intrepid traveler he finally made his flight to Catania, which resides on the lovely, and I say that tongue in cheek, island of Sicilia. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/av-943.gif)

Well, as was mentioned earlier, I had to ‘check’ my warning triangle kit and, after hanging around baggage claim for about 15 minutes after all the bags were out, I finally accepted the fact that I would not be recovering my triangles.

So now what? First order of business, find an information desk and see if there is a bus that runs to the Navy installation. Cool, there’s the info booth right in front of me! Oh wait, it’s not open yet. Hmm, sign says open at 0800, OK, its 0750, I’ll wait.

Sooooooo, around 0810…a couple of Italian women come strolling up to the door to open the info booth and, they are deep in conversation. I on the other hand am standing right outside their little bank teller like window so I can ask them a question. Hmm, they seem to be ignoring this big strapping slightly grey haired American. Obviously I am not handsome enough to get there attention. After about 3 minutes they kinda got annoyed that I was looking at them intently and finally decided to ask me what I want. So much for customer service! Well the short answer, which I got after close to 13 minutes of waiting, was that there was no bus and I would have to take a taxi. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/confused24.gif)

Taxi was easy to find and it only cost 50 euros! OK, do the conversion; 50 euros is close to $75. Evidently, it is about a 30-minute drive to get to Naval Station Sigonnella or NAS1 as they call it. Well, I planned for that so it wasn’t an issue but it still sucked having to fork over the cash.

Taxi gets me there, I get out and I ask the guard where the military equivalent to the Department of Motor Vehicles is so I can get fuel coupons. For those of you that are not in the military and/or not familiar with fuel in europe, fuel coupons are basically a small book of 1”x2” coupons that you buy to give the gas stations on the economy. You pay US gas prices for the coupons so instead of paying $5 to $6 a gallon on the economy you pay the standard going rate in the states. So, if you pump say 25 liters of fuel, you hand the clerk coupons that equal 25 liters. The catch is there are only a couple of stations that accept them, Esso and Agip in Italy and, fuel coupons purchased in Germany don’t work in Italy.

I’m feeling pretty good at this point and walk into the DMV type office and ask them about purchasing the coupons. Uh Oh, problem, they can’t sell them to me unless I have orders stating I am authorized to be in Italy. Well, I do BUT, they are electronic and, the system crashed before I departed so I couldn’t print out a copy. Damn, guess I will be forking over the big bucks for gas, good thing the 914 gets about 30 mpg!

So I wander over to the ‘opportune ship’ program office; they are expecting me and we head on down to Augusta bay to pick up the car. This in itself is a 45-minute ride on crappy roads to the port. The initial inspection of the car is ok, and it starts with a little cajoling. Check the lights, good, blinkers are good, oil low, will need to add some, wipers don’t seem to be working but, it is sunny with no anticipated bad weather so not an issue. None of this is a surprise except the wipers. Overall not bad considering it just spent about 3 weeks on the back of a Naval vessel unprotected traversing the Atlantic.

So after letting her idle and warm up a bit, I pull her out of the warehouse, do the paperwork and am on my way. Did I mention she only has about a quarter tank of gas? First order of Business, find a gas station! So I hook up the GPS turn her on, plug it in…crap. Cigarette lighter isn’t working to power the GPS. Oh yeah, I don’t have a map! Yes, I am dumbass, go ahead and say it. In my rush to get things together I neglected to buy one. This was not that much of an issue however as the roads had very good signs with the names of the towns that I needed to go to. The downside is that a map would have jogged my memory into realizing that I had to drive to Messina and NOT Catania to catch a ferry across to mainland Italy.

So, I’m on my way and once I realize that the signs tell me where to go to include signs to the port of Catania, I turn off my GPS and just follow the signs. I get to the port of Catania in about an hour and a half. Now remember, I am in the wrong place, I should be in Messina NOT Catania. Baffled, I can’t seem to find the ferry to Villa San Giovanni; I swear the Navy guys said I would find the ferry easy. After stopping at a couple of locations to ask for directions from people who don’t speak English I finally get directed to where the ferry is.

At one point someone tried to put me on a train to Napoli, well that’s a non-starter. So I go in the little office to talk to the ferry guy, he hands me a piece of paper and tells me to come back at 1600 to pay for the ferry. I ask him when does it leave, at 1600? He says “yes.”

Before we continue, I should point out that this ferry doesn’t take me to Villa San Giovani; it takes me straight to Napoli and is an 8-hour trip. So, I am expecting that I will get to Napoli around 0100 in the morning and, since the port of Napoli isn’t that far, I should have enough juice in the GPS to get me to the Naval Support Activity where I am staying which is located in Gricignano D, Aversa. Don’t ask me to pronounce it. Not optimal but it will work and I can take a nap on the ferry.

So now I am hungry, it is now 1200, I don’t have to be back until 1600. Lunch wouldn’t be an issue except I didn’t eat any breakfast. Well I don’t want to wander around downtown Catania and get lost…what to do, what to do.

Wait a second, I know where the airport is and I know they have food! So I drive over to the airport and get me some lunch. I also run over to there book shop in search of a map too which I am unsuccessful in attaining but I realize at this point I am at the wrong port. The girl at the store had a big map but it didn’t have enough road detail; it did show me where Catania was and where I should be which was Messina. This would be why I couldn’t find the ferry to Villa San Giovanni.

Now I finally get my head out of my fourth point of contact and take a look at the piece of paper that the ferry guy handed me as I have a sneaking suspicion that something isn’t quite right. Well, according to the paper, which, by the way is an actual schedule of ferry departure times and arrivals, I don’t actually depart Catania until 2300 with an arrival of 1000 the next morning! Ya ever get that sinking feeling in your gut when you know shit just went wrong?

It is now, 1400. I drive back over to the ferry office to confirm the times, the guy is not there but there is another guy on the other side of the office who confirms what I thought. Well, this ain’t gonna work, I am supposed to be training Navy people to be a Joint Task Force staff in the morning! So I turn on the GPS and plug in Messina; its only 93 kilometers from Catania according to the GPS or roughly 60 miles, I can make that in an hour easy! So off I go cause I know that once I get there it is only about 5 hours from Villa San Giovanni to Napoli. It is now 1500 which means, by my calculation, I will get to Napoli at about 2100 to 2200 and still have time to sleep and go to work in the morning. In addition, I an turn off the GPS and save power because there are clearly marked signs in BLUE (the color is important) that say Messina.

Can you see Murphy behind me with a pair of size 20 boots raising his feet to stomp on me??? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/chair.gif) We will continue this adventure in part 4. I would write more but shortly after I returned I was sent off to stand up another Joint Task Force in Ramstein, Germany where I am currently sitting in a hotel room typing this.