G & R ALL 914 RUSTY PARTS SWAP MEET AND ANIMAL FLESH ROASTING FEST, THE PARTY IS ON Options

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Again, we will stage the incarnation of the Bi-Annual G&R All 914 Rusty Parts Swap Meet and Animal Flesh Roasting Festival. It has been ordained, cast in Gold chains and anointed with very fine whine and old cheese, that the date shall be forever remembered as APRIL 25, 2010.

The address will be as always:

2727 KANSAS AVE, RIVERSIDE, CA. 92507

For you techogeeks, maybe I will post longitude and latitude.

This being a very special occasion, as rumor has it; it just may be King George's hatching. So, to honor this auspicious occasion if the rumor is true, Professor 914, of Automobile Kalifornia fame, has graciously accepted our invitation to be "Guest of Honor". Look for him, in his flowing white robe and white hair, as he cruises the area with a Sawzall in his hand to garner such VIN, Chassis, and paint placards as he might for later resale. Emissions and timing stickers are game too! So bring that real six.

So, we have to have more events to entertain the enlightened attendees.
1.) Glenn will explain how to make a project last a lifetime.
2.) Jim Burke, local PCA semi-official I think, will demonstrate his vast knowledge of anything.
3.) Rico Suave will not be asleep and snoring in a chair as per normal. Since his neutralization by the feminine gender, he appears to sleep with one eye open. Be specially careful of his reflex action when he is wearing the pointy boots.
4.) Ellyot Cannon will again be trying to convince someone to buy the "Screaming Yellow Zonker" so he can live out his dream of being like Wrong Way corrigan. He does resemble him.
5.) We are assuming that the Huntington Beach/Fountain Valley crew will be on hand. Between the heavy german, you might just catch a waft of mother nature's finest. Huh?
6.) Slot car racing is out this year. There's too much debris on the track and the cleanup crew quit.
7.) A few years ago, we had a guest from New York. He went around licking. No, not people, he just picked up and licked everyone's parts.... car parts Damnit. We are honored that we have secured him as a guest this year. We're hoping that SammyG will show and plant a CV axle in his cranium. Should be highly entertaining.
8.) PCA spies will be everywhere with sign up forms. We try to screen them at the gate, but they manage to slip through. We would like to be supportive, but I have no intention of giving anyone 10%.
9.) We are hoping to spice up the place with the dazzling Flora and Fauna, so ladies, get the mojo on. Looking at car geeks all day gives me gas and I am best in my role as a Lecher. I drool easily.

Anyway, we must establish a few rulzzzz for this event:
1.) Bringing your own libations is perfectly acceptable. Excreting those libations in out parking lot on the pallets or other objects may please the Fire Department, but upsets us. Plus, if you get out of hand, we will take your keys and sell your car to the homeless up the street. They prefer 4 seaters, as it gives them two beds.
2.) We have only one unisex water closet. Be kind to your fellow swapees, bring your own ass-gaskets if you have a reluctance to sit down and bring your own air freshener if you are smell challenged. Yes, I do know what it smells like when a bear defecates in the woods ... kinda reminds me of Pine Sol, the official douche of Mexico.
3.) We will have strategically placed trash cans (I hope) ... use them. Hell, we might even label them for Recycled materials, but I'm not quite that "Green" yet. I have yet to achieve the status of "Conspicuous Consumer". Secondly, finding 1/4 or 1/2 empty coke and water containers spread about violates my pet peeve... if you take it, use it and place the empty container in a suitable place. If you seem unwilling to find that suitable place, I will be more than happy to tell you where to put it,
4.) If your rusty junk doesn't sell and you are reluctant to take it home with you, we will provide a "free pile" for you to dump it in for the true treasure seekers (CASOBS) that will sift through it. If you seriously think that there will be no takers, there is at least one dumpster on the premises.
4a.) Bringing 911 parts is perfectly acceptable IF they can be used in a conversion. If they can’t we will probably point you out, have a laughing fest and then stone you.
5.) OFFICIAL WARNING... The entire area is under 24 Digital Video with night vision cameras. Hiding in the shadows will not work. If you have quirks, please do not demonstrate them. If you are deeply in heat, we've already seen the movie. If it’s really good, we will put it on our website and charge for viewing.
6.) SECOND OFFICIAL WARNING ... If your car is low; enter the gate on the left slowly. That's facing the gate. When exiting, it will be on your right. All parts ripped off become the immediate property of the G&R and will be summarily sold.
7.) Miles was going to attend, but he is hung up somewhere between sniffing guitar glue and his goats. We miss him.
8.) Bruce Stone will be here with his bevy of high priced, cad / zinc plated stuff, so get your rocks off. Then again, he may be in Texas. We wish the state well.... not.
9.) There are plenty more infamous attendees with their own quirks, but I’ve run out of patience and my fingers are tired.

We regret that the President will not be attending this year. It seems that the highly touted stimulus didn't quite make the grade and they would be forced to travel by, His Deity forbid by common automobile. Gas out here is higher than the hot air layer they create. Global Warming ... bah ... If they would just shut their mouths we wouldn't have a problem.

We, as always, will be serving roasted bovine and/or some form of tube steak, between cheap buns with your choice of condiments. Onions, pickles, tomato slices, lettuce and sauces (watch out for the white one). Also, a couple of bags of oil soaked potatoes. This highly desirable feast is costly, so we ask for a $5.00 donation to cover the food and drinks.

For early comers (bet your SO hates you), we will have coffee and fat pills. Just part of the celebration you know.

Libations will consist of a variety of artificially flavored, colored phosphoric acid with sugar. Common water will also be available in those plastic containers that poison you. You think we actually care enough to give you Aluminum containers to get Alzheimer’s? Really, who in the hell do you think we are to provide you with such a good excuse for being a dickhead.

Ok, that’s it. If you need further information or directions, give us a call. We may or may not answer depending upon your area code. We have a secret list of them that we have banned for one reason or another. Most of them start with a 7.

Main direction number: (909) 650-5412. The recording will provide all you need to know.
Ron: (951) 751-3584
Glenn: (951) 235-7349

EDIT: Gate will be open at 6:00 AM