G&R All 914 Rusty Parts Swap Meet & Animal Flesh Roast, Party Time Again Options

[SLITS]

Damn, it's that time of year again for the G&R All 914 Rusty Parts Swap Meet and Animal Flesh Roasting Festival. In hopes of avoiding this boil on my ass, I have delayed the announcement hoping it would go away, but alas it just keeps getting bigger (my ass, not the boil).

The date, should anyone really care will be

APRIL 27TH, 2014

The address is

2727 Kansas Ave, Riverside, CA 92507

The rear gate should be open by 6:30 AM for all the early risers with a ton of shit to spread on the tarmac.

As always, swap spaces and entry is FREE. Also included with the freebies will be all the insults you've ever dreamed of and coffee / donuts to satisfy many of the wankers that attend. If you show up and there is none left, you should have gotten here earlier.

The unusual feast of roasted simulated bovine flesh in both circular and tube for will constitute our lunch fare. Yes, we will have Vegan cowpies for those so inclined. Such condiments as we deem necessary will be provided so you won't have to eat them neat. For this gastronomical exercise, we will ask for a $5.00 Donation to cover the costs of stuffing your overly large stomach.

There have also been rumors that Tejas Style Chili & Beans may be available, but don't bank on it.

We will provide Soder Pop (in memory of Thomas) and Agua Pura (In memory of Sinko De Mayo(anisse).

I have been contacted by 26 nations that are searching for a missing airliner. They have all investigated a Teeners uncanny ability to find NLA items and feel that with those qualifications we should be able to locate the missing item in record time. Volunteers are requested and transportation to the search site will be provided. It seems they have parked a Long Boat in Long Beach with multiple sets of oars for use by the volunteers. Sunscreen will be provided in gallon bottles for the journey. Such food as necessary will be the leftovers from the Animal Flesh Roasting Festival. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to meet the girl in cutoff jeans sitting on the porch in the Outback though she may be a bit haggard after sitting all those years on her ass waiting for Denny. Paper Bags and Flags will be available for those who wish to try her not so sweet treats.

No, the President and Family will not be attending this year as they are to busy pissing off the Far East and Anglo Saxon Europe. Jerry Brown will also not be attending as he is deeply engrossed in pissing off the populace of California. Should any of the above actually show up, we have several buckets of feces that can be thrown at them. It will actually make them smell a lot better than they do.

We had thought about charging fees in accordance with the 356, Early 911 and POC terms, but felt that the type of people those fees attract are not the type of people we want at our event. Their colognes foul the air and we wouldn't want them to get their Pilotis' dirty. Anyone wearing a driving suit at half mast will be bent over and severly molested.

The managing group of MotorMeister will be on hand to give a seminar titled, "Corporate Ethics in America ... How to make money under the protection of incorporation laws by screwing everyone". There will be no admission charge for this seminar as they have already fucked enough people.

As always, there will be tech sessions throughout the day. The main tech session will be titled, "Judicious use of Red/Orange RTV in Engine Assembly" headed by a aging ex-UPS pilot. Stupid questions will be answered with stupid answers. Relevant questions will be answered with stupid answers also. In order for you to fully understand each answer, you will be flogged until we are sure you understand or bleed to death, whichever comes first.

While there are no rules to speak of, as a public service we must warn of some pitfalls:
1.) Be consignant of whom you are speaking with at all times. Ron will appear as,"Ron", "Professor 914", "Colonel Caustic", "Admiral Abrasive" or "Slits". Your mental health will depend upon proper identification of whom you are speaking with.
2.) The angle of approach to the rear gate from the street is steep, mandated by The City of Riverslime. Be careful upon entry if your car is low.
3.) The entire facility is under 24 hour video surveillance.
4.) We have a single Unisex bathroom. For the long wait to use the facilities, Depends are not provided.
5.) Nails, screws and other foreign objects you find in your tires are free.
6.) Please separate the beverage containers / plastic utensils from uneaten food. Trash cans will be provided for the plates and semi-used food. Additional containers should be available for the plastics & cans.
7.) Unsold junk rare parts may be thrown in the roll off containers if you do not wish to haul it home.

Glenn and I welcome all to this event (even Ass-dragger, Cayman, Cayenne and Boxster Pilots .... Erc & his minions are excluded) and we hope you can make it on such short notice. We actually value your kinship or we would have ceased doing this a long time ago. Do not let that statement go to your head as we can change our minds at anytime.

For directions:
1.) Go to Hell .... that's where you will find us
2.) Ron's Cell .... (951) 751-3584
3.) Glenn's Cell .... (951) 235-7349
4.) Jim Burke's phone .... (951) 661-6929 .... He actually has nothing to do with this event, but seeing him getting a number of irritating phone calls pleases me.

Peace,

Slits