Damn, it's that time of year again for the G&R All 914 Rusty Parts Swap Meet and Animal Flesh Roasting Festival. In hopes of avoiding this boil on my ass, I have delayed the announcement hoping it would go away, but alas it just keeps getting bigger (my ass, not the boil).

The date, should anyone really care will be

APRIL 27TH, 2014

The address is

2727 Kansas Ave, Riverside, CA 92507

The rear gate should be open by 6:30 AM for all the early risers with a ton of shit to spread on the tarmac.

As always, swap spaces and entry is FREE. Also included with the freebies will be all the insults you've ever dreamed of and coffee / donuts to satisfy many of the wankers that attend. If you show up and there is none left, you should have gotten here earlier.

The unusual feast of roasted simulated bovine flesh in both circular and tube for will constitute our lunch fare. Yes, we will have Vegan cowpies for those so inclined. Such condiments as we deem necessary will be provided so you won't have to eat them neat. For this gastronomical exercise, we will ask for a $5.00 Donation to cover the costs of stuffing your overly large stomach.

There have also been rumors that Tejas Style Chili & Beans may be available, but don't bank on it.

We will provide Soder Pop (in memory of Thomas) and Agua Pura (In memory of Sinko De Mayo(anisse).

I have been contacted by 26 nations that are searching for a missing airliner. They have all investigated a Teeners uncanny ability to find NLA items and feel that with those qualifications we should be able to locate the missing item in record time. Volunteers are requested and transportation to the search site will be provided. It seems they have parked a Long Boat in Long Beach with multiple sets of oars for use by the volunteers. Sunscreen will be provided in gallon bottles for the journey. Such food as necessary will be the leftovers from the Animal Flesh Roasting Festival. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to meet the girl in cutoff jeans sitting on the porch in the Outback though she may be a bit haggard after sitting all those years on her ass waiting for Denny. Paper Bags and Flags will be available for those who wish to try her not so sweet treats.

No, the President and Family will not be attending this year as they are to busy pissing off the Far East and Anglo Saxon Europe. Jerry Brown will also not be attending as he is deeply engrossed in pissing off the populace of California. Should any of the above actually show up, we have several buckets of feces that can be thrown at them. It will actually make them smell a lot better than they do.

We had thought about charging fees in accordance with the 356, Early 911 and POC terms, but felt that the type of people those fees attract are not the type of people we want at our event. Their colognes foul the air and we wouldn't want them to get their Pilotis' dirty. Anyone wearing a driving suit at half mast will be bent over and severly molested.

The managing group of MotorMeister will be on hand to give a seminar titled, "Corporate Ethics in America ... How to make money under the protection of incorporation laws by screwing everyone". There will be no admission charge for this seminar as they have already fucked enough people.

As always, there will be tech sessions throughout the day. The main tech session will be titled, "Judicious use of Red/Orange RTV in Engine Assembly" headed by a aging ex-UPS pilot. Stupid questions will be answered with stupid answers. Relevant questions will be answered with stupid answers also. In order for you to fully understand each answer, you will be flogged until we are sure you understand or bleed to death, whichever comes first.

While there are no rules to speak of, as a public service we must warn of some pitfalls:
1.) Be consignant of whom you are speaking with at all times. Ron will appear as,"Ron", "Professor 914", "Colonel Caustic", "Admiral Abrasive" or "Slits". Your mental health will depend upon proper identification of whom you are speaking with.
2.) The angle of approach to the rear gate from the street is steep, mandated by The City of Riverslime. Be careful upon entry if your car is low.
3.) The entire facility is under 24 hour video surveillance.
4.) We have a single Unisex bathroom. For the long wait to use the facilities, Depends are not provided.
5.) Nails, screws and other foreign objects you find in your tires are free.
6.) Please separate the beverage containers / plastic utensils from uneaten food. Trash cans will be provided for the plates and semi-used food. Additional containers should be available for the plastics & cans.
7.) Unsold junk rare parts may be thrown in the roll off containers if you do not wish to haul it home.

Glenn and I welcome all to this event (even Ass-dragger, Cayman, Cayenne and Boxster Pilots .... Erc & his minions are excluded) and we hope you can make it on such short notice. We actually value your kinship or we would have ceased doing this a long time ago. Do not let that statement go to your head as we can change our minds at anytime.

For directions:
1.) Go to Hell .... that's where you will find us
2.) Ron's Cell .... (951) 751-3584
3.) Glenn's Cell .... (951) 235-7349
4.) Jim Burke's phone .... (951) 661-6929 .... He actually has nothing to do with this event, but seeing him getting a number of irritating phone calls pleases me.

Peace,

Slits

Another articulate, acerbic and somewhat acrimonious (OK, so I had to look them up) invitation to the G&R. This has been one of the "don't miss" events of Southern California if not ALL of Riverside County. I can almost guarantee you will find something at the G&R that either you don't need or can't live without. If you want to buy something from Bruce Stone, be sure to offer him half of what he's asking for if the item is $20 or less. (He Loves that). It's about a 5 hour ride for me, although I made it in 3 1/2 once in the Screaming Yellow Zonker. (Which is one of the many reasons I sold it). So, if an old fart like me can make it there, you all who live close by have absolutely NO excuse for not making it. See you all on the 27th. Much thanks to Glen and Ron in advance.
Cheers, Elliot (Still one year younger than SLITS)

Elliot,

Thanks for the tip off.
I will adjust prices accordingly.
Still younger than either of you two disturbed old men.
I think I should own this emotion since it has my initials.
Bruce

Adding to that theme. Attn: Newbies. If there is some item you need for your teener post it. There are lots of parts left at home but can be brought to The Event if someone knows there is a buyer for it. Also, there are some crazy deals to be had. i.e. new Petronix unit $50, a perfect MPS which I'm still running $50, food poisoning, you name it. Bruce has tons of parts & "like new" plated parts that Elyut claims he is giving away. Good deals go early!

EDIT: I'm bringing 2 crock pots this year.

Why the hell did you schedule it the weekend after the Hershey swap meet????


If you had waited a little longer, you could have enjoyed the presence of Her Royal Highness The Queen of Texas, the most skilled Autocrosser there is, The ToolWench extraordinaire, and my wife all in one person!!!!



You would have also had to put up with my sorry ass too.....

Guess you got lucky after all!

Just send the wife out, she's cuter'n you anyway.

--DD

I could say the same for you......



Neither of us can do two weekend trips in a row. And we really wanted to go this year.

Well Clay, I'll see about an October venue. We do this twice a year unless something happens.

Have a nice case of the Hershey squirts!

keeping it on top ....

Irwindale VW Bug In is on the 27. Please cancel this date and make it the following week .

Flip a coin. I'll be at the G&R.

the comfort inn is fairly close and not too bad of a walk to the festivities. don't wear a 914 t-shirt, attempt to hitchhike, and spare yourself the walk. the 914 drivers might wave at you but that's about it.

i had a swell time 2 years ago. putting faces to screen names and meeting new folks…MUCH fun.

ron, still okydokey to attempt to sell starter pistols that look like like the real deal? i'd like to mail some down. blanks too.

I think my girlfriend is visiting me that weekend. I'll be there

You'll bring her with you of course.

No problem ... I'll take the blanks out and put real ones in. Should be a hell of a West Coast shoot out!

Let me know Kevin.

I need a gas tank and a shifter for side shift trans

My favorite show !

There will be 15 shifters there, I bet Bruce has tanks, too.

I have shifters. Do you need a tank with the steel or plastic expansion tank? I think 74 and later takes the plastic tank.
You can put either in any year car but the expansion tank must match the tank. I think I only have late tanks.
Bruce

I haven't missed one yet. Looking forward to it.

Awritee, all you folks within a 300 mile radius (or more) of the great town of Riverside, you don't know what you're missing. April 27th. BE THERE. Good food, good people, great cars, great prices and lots of parts. (Not necessarily in that order). Marv might even be there with a picture of his car.

I have a 72... guess it doesn't matter... would need the whole thing

I need a taco plate with a temp sensor in it.

So maybe I bought a '71 parts car... that means I'm gonna be there with a shit-ton of parts. sound off with that you need... it has Euro rear lenses..

"it has Euro rear lenses.. "

hmmm...how much for the lenses??

Not sure on the lenses yet... Need to pull them and check condition first

Well! OK. People need parts. They will find them at the G&R. Come and see us. You'll be glad you did.

They're mine! Can't you guys read? ... he said Euro's lenses, didn't he?

I'll be there - in some sort of Volkswagen product or another

One guy wanted to make this event so badly last time that he had his 914 towed to the event.

Not much to add here but BE THERE.

is this doing on page three? Why is the WCR highlighted and this isn't?

My favorite show !!

My wife decided to go to Hawaii but I decided to go to G&R instead.

Ron hasn't shaved in a while.

Shaved what?

So, does this mean you have an extra plane ticket you're not going to use?

I can't make it out to G+R , if you don't find one there I do have a good '74 tank for you in Glenale. PM me if you need.
Marty

Elliott ......Spoiler alert this G&R I will have 2 pictures of my car.

Glenn...

Any cool shirts available at the Flesh roasting?

I'll be wearing mine from last year.

Elliot,

Are you sure your car will make it with the rocker arm studs in your heads along with the silly coned push rod tubes?

After the disastrous attempt to get to Durango, I'm happy if it makes it out of the driveway. I drove it to the Festival of Speed. And now the G&R. I might be pushing my luck with two trips in one month.

Nice shirt!

Hey Elliot I have confirmation that I will be driving my 914 to G&R this year. I will believe it only when I am actually driving it there. And I know this is your reaction.

If I see it, my reaction will be . If I don't my reaction will be I hope we ALL get to see it.