Steve's most Heinous Adventure, THE CONCLUSION!, FINAL UPDATE and longest. Options

[stephenaki]

So, everyone got an initial taste of my grand adventure trying to pick up my car in Italy. Well, here is ‘the rest of the story’ and let me be up front, this is long and only the beginning. I will submit another entry a little later but here is the beginning of the tale.

OK, so lets begin first with a short geography lesson to get everyone acquainted with where I am going from and too. Now, if you look at a map of Italy you see the boot and next to the toe, a small island that I refer to as the football or, if you want to get technical, Sicilia. It is on this island that I have to pick up the car. On the south east portion of the island is Catania which, is where I flew into. Continuing south is Augusta bay where my Navy hosts took me to pick up the car.

From Augusta, one has to drive to Messina, which is on the north east part of the island and closest to the toe of the boot. From Messina, you take a vehicle ferry to Villa San Giovanni and then follow the Autostrada up to Napoli. Rome is the halfway point of Italy and Napoli about an hour or so south on the west coast of Italy. All in all, from Augusta to Napoli it is approximaly 400 Miles. Why is Napoli important when I am trying to go all the way to Germany? Because, it was my interim stop for a couple of weeks before I pressed on north to Germany.

So, lets start with the first phase of the operation, the flight from Napoli to Catania. First off, know this, German law requires that I have the following three things in my car, Triangle warning kit, govt approved first aid kit (think of what might be in there) and a reflective orange vest. I have all these things to include a set of license plates in my backpack as I head to the airport.

The fun begins on the way there as I have to return a rental car before I fly but need to find a gas station open at 0530 in the morning. As luck would have it, I found a station not far from Capodechino airport; problem begins with trying to find my way back. My GPS is trying to take me through some back roads that are now one way roads due to all the garbage the Italians have piled up on the roads. I was only 5 minutes from the airport but it took me 30 minutes to get back. So now, I’m running a bit late as my flight leaves at 0700 and I finally get to the airport at 0615.

Still got time, no problem! Or at least that is what I thought until I saw the security gate line! Well, first things first, find Air one and check in. Oh look there they are and no one in line for them; since I am not checking any bags, this should be easy and it is. I do however ask the check in clerk if there will be any issues with what is in my back pack. He assures me that what I have is not a problem…he would be mistaken.

I get into the security line at 0620, did I mention my flight leaves at 0700? As I wait patiently, several people push past me and start cutting in front of the 30 other people waiting to go through the security point. First off, Italians don’t understand the whole queuing process and it is a massive blob of people pushing and shoving to get to the screeners. However, as these individuals try to push up to the front, several other Italians raise the alarm. The ones pushing to the front state they are late for the 0700 to Catania flight, which I am also on and, evidently a lot of other people in front and behind me. After a brief exchange of words to the effect of, ‘hey ass wipe! Were on the same flight get the hell in the back of the line!’ or so it seemed as it was in Italian and rather heated, they retreated to the back of the line. So I get to the screener at 0640, there are three screeners and I am at the center one. First problem, my warning triangles are made of plastic and solid steel rods that form the support and they decide they need to check to see if they can go through. Que Jeopardy music.

After about 3 minutes I am told nope, can’t take em. Problem is they won’t let me leave them at the security point but insist I go back to the check in station and have this plastic encased warning triangle put through as ‘checked’ luggage. Tried to just leave it with them but they were having none of that. CRAP! So I RUN to the check in counter, they do a call, tag my triangle kit, put a sticker on my boarding pass to claim it and then I RUN back to security.

Well, the line is gone, they have shut down two of the screening areas the one on the left and the center one I went through earlier. So now I go through the right side screener. “sir, is this your bag?” NOW WHAT?! “do you have scissors?” What? No I don’t have any scissors! “can we please look in your bag?” Sure!

Remember the med kit? Well, it has scissors. Why didn’t I know this? Because I never opened it and it doesn’t have an inventory on it but, they are medical scissors. You know the type, rounded tips so they don’t injure the patient if your cutting away clothing or a band aid. So now they have to find out if they are allowed; it is now 0650. They screener asks, “what time is your flight?” I tell him 0700 he says, “oh, you have plenty of time.” Sure if you say so.

Well after 5 minutes they still haven’t gotten a supervisor to tell the guy whether or not the scissors are OK or not. Again I tell him, ‘hey you can keep the scissors, I really don’t care!’ Nope, he wants a supervisor. At about this time the original dumbass from the check in counter comes running up to the security checkpoint, “Mr. Aki?!” I say yes and he says, “quick, you must hurry!” I look at him, I look at the security checker and say, rather loudly and emphatically, “I am trying to hurry! Tell him [security checker] that!!”

The counter clerk looks at me then at the security bubba and then back at me…he is at a loss. The security guy finally decides to make a decision WITHOUT his supervisor and says, “its OK” and we put the scissors back in the med kit, stuff it in the back pack and I take off at a run with the counter clerk.

Oh did I forget to mention this is a small airport so to get on the airplane you get on a bus that takes you to the plane and then you get on the plane? Well, the busses are done. So we get to the gate, it is 0700 by this time, and a little car with the yellow light pulls up. They stuff me in the car and we go zipping around the airfield to the airplane where I jump out and run up the stairs. So now everyone is looking at me as I make my way to my seat, don’t really care since I have miraculously NOT missed the plane.

As it was, we still landed in Catania early. I never did get my warning triangles back when I got to Catania.

Thus ends the first part of this tale, more to follow as time permits.