G&R ALL 914 RUSTY PARTS SWAP MEET AND ANIMAL FLESH ROASTING FESTIV Options

[SLITS]

Well, since Sept 18-20th have been taken up by so many quality events, Glenn, I and the PCA have decided that the date for the Premire Event of the Fall will be October 25th, 2009. Please mark your calendars accordingly.

For those of you that have never attended, it is held at 2727 Kansas Ave, Riverside, CA., 92507 in the back parking lot. Gate will be open about 6:30 AM for early arrivers. Again, the Animal Flesh Roasting will begin about 10 AM or when I decide to light the BBQ.

Swap spaces are always free.

For the early insomniacs, cat turd coffee with fat pills will be available to tide you over until the feast. We searched far and wide for the most yuppie coffee we could find and found that it comes out of the ass of a cat.

President Obama has informed us that this swap meet is critical to his stimulus program, but was a bit miffed when we informed him that he could not dictate his menu to us of Maine Sea Spider, Kansas City Hand Rubbed/Beer Fed Steak, Idaho Baked Potatoes, Nebraska Sweet Corn, Libefraumilch Wine & Pillsbury Puffed Rolls. We're not the Gubermint and can't afford to give away shit below cost.

For the following delacies, we ask for a $5.00 donation per consumer to cover the cost and preparation.

The menu will be:
1.) Ground and roasted bovine ass, guaranteed to be MSD and hormone free. There is no guarantee as to other constituents, but then parts are parts.
2.) Smoked parts encased in an intestinal tube and roasted till the grease is pouring out.
3.) Both items will be housed in cheap non-nutritional white bread in varying shapes to please the skin-heads that attend.
4.) Codiments for the above will include ground yellow seeds (the green ones are reserved for tea or smoking) dissolved in vinegar, no food value leafs, stinky white onions with or without grease, a fruit normally sold as a vegtable sliced, shrunken pickled cucumbers, ketchup mixed with mayonnaise and left over pickled cucumbers and anything else we find in the reefer.
5.) Imbidments will include purified water in plastic containers so as to cause plastic poisoning. For those that are concerned, we will offer eco-friendly spun aluminum so that plastic poisoning is not a concern. We will share in the Alzheimers though. Additionally, we may or may not offer containers cut from the Rain Forest or created by better living through chemistry. We value the health of all of our Guests.
6.) Sugar laced phosphoric acid, in varying colors, with artificial flavoring will be on hand.
7.) If you desire fermented grain liquids or liquid bread, you must bring your own. While we do not frown upon ingesting these materials, we will not be responsible for any accidents, which leads us to the next section ....

There is one uni-sex water closet avaliable. We ask that you be courteous of your fellow swapper and knock on the door. Bbarging in is not an acceptable practice no matter how much bread or fermented grains you have consumed. We ask the males to aim carefully and females to remain seated during the entire process. Which brings up another section that is highly important ...

The window of said water closest opens to the area where we prepare the feast and guests prepare their plates. Offensive odors can be tolerated if you bring your own air freshner, but the moaning and groaning may upset some. In that light we ask that you preform your required duties in a subdued fashion. If you are having a hard time, we do have a 3 stage vacuum pump available.

Ass-gaskets may or may not be available so if you are concerned make sure your aim is true. We will have plenty of Automobile Altanta catalogs available for completing the desired tasks.

As always, 914s are totally welcome. We do not, however, participate in the "Cash For Clunkers" program. We do support the "Cash For Over-Priced Clunkers" program and we are assured there will be plenty on hand for the event.

Assdraggers are acceptable, but you must keep in mind that we consider them to be parts cars and they will be treated accordingly. For those ass-dragger pilots that are unable to move their vehicles due to missing parts, they will be forklifted or pushed into the street before the gate is closed for the local Blue Meanies or Gang Bangers to take care of after dark.

Speaking of darkness, it is only fair to warn you that the entire facility is under 24 hour video, with night vision cameras. For those of you that like to frolic in the darkness or do un-natural things with your friends or bodies, we ask you to refrain. The video reviewer gets off on this stuff and his screams of delight on Monday morning are quite disturbing. Additionally, using the parking lot as your personal water closest will probably upset your fellow swappers as their parts may accelerate rusting to the point where they disappear and we don't want anyone to lose money.

If you have a severly lowered vehicle, without hydraulics, we recommend you enter the area as close to the gate controller (driver's left entering, and driver's right exiting) as possible. Dragging your ass on the ground or guide rail is not an acceptable practice. Any parts that are ripped off immediately become property of the G&R A9RPSM & AFRF and will not be returned. Additionally, you will be charged for the repair of the guide rail.

For those of you driving high profile vehicles, you may enter anywhere you like but please not thru the fence. You may own a 4X4 with 33s, but we really don't give a shit. We may or may not charge for overlength and overheight vehicles. That will be up to the discretion of Professor 914 who monitors the gate with a towel on his head and an AK47.

For you males, we ask that you bring your S.O.s because they smell better and eat less.

The venu of the event is held in "Super Secret Admin Forums", so don't ask or we will have to kill you after we tell you.

The freebie pile will be located in the same place it always has been. For those of you dragging in unsaleable junk and not wishing to take it back you may pile it there for the treasure hunters of the group. For those with complete junk hulks, please do not place them there. We have a SawzAll available, but electricity is costly and bring your own blades. No assistance will be offered during cutting. We may laugh and point, but will not get our hands dirty.

Well, that's about it for this installment. If you have never attended, you will meet some of the most disparging characters existing in the universe. Most have been convicted of one thing or another and we will have a judge on hand to convict those virgins that have never had the experience.

For those wishing directions, go fish or buy a GPS. I will post cell phone numbers later, but no guarantees that they are correct or will be answered if you call.

For those of you that have any complaints or are disturbed by what is written here, our complaint department can be reached by calling (909) 650-5412. We highly recommend the services offered. If you are not completely satisfied, please post your concerns on www.914club.com.

Thank you for your attention and we hope to see you here. If you wish to avoid us ... go to hell.

Glenn, I (Ron, Slits, Professor 914, Scrappy & Pappy914) and the PCA ( (IMG:style_emoticons/default/av-943.gif) ) will welcome all comers. Who you talk to will depend upon how much money you are carrying, if you have anything we want and your attitude.

All I really want is World Peace.