G&R ALL 914 RUSTY PARTS SWAP MEET & ANIMAL FLESH ROASTING FEST, OCTOBER 24, 2010 Options

[SLITS]

This is the official announcement of the reincarnation of the Premier Event of the Year, The bi-annual G&R ALL 914 RUSTY PARTS SWAP MEET AND ANIMAL FLESH ROASTING FESTIVAL. The date shall be October 24th of this year (yes, it’s Sunday and we do offer services by the Right Reverend Mr. Meier of the First Celestial Polygamy Church & Roadhouse).

We are sorry that Chambers’ Motorsports decided to have one on the same date, but we were first, so go fish. With the demise of Dunkels’, Used to be Dunkels’, LA Euro Show and the GAF, you will still have a chance to throw money away needlessly.

The address is 2727 Kansas Ave., Riverside, CA., 92507. Same place it has always been, so don’t ask me to type directions.

For the 20th time, we offer the opportunity to spread your unwanted rusty junk in our parking lot and try to convince someone else that this NLA crap is worth spending your Obama Stimulus on. If you didn’t receive an Obama Stimulus, then don’t bother showing up as we are all about Capitalism (for those of you in Corona, that means making money, dinero, sheckles, etc).

The gate will be open at approximately 6:30 AM.

Following are the fees associated with this momentous event:

1.) Gate Entry ………. FREE (unless you drive an assdragger or are a member of the Gold Chain, Whine and Cheese crowd or dragging a trailer that rips up our gate track).
2.) Parking ………….. FREE (all the nails and foreign objects your tires pickup are FREE too .. fixing a flat is very costly at Slits Asshole Garage.
3.) Swap Spaces …….. FREE, but you have to clean up your own mess. Roll Offs are available for those priceless parts that didn’t sell. Pick up your own trash as we provide receptacles for same for FREE.
4.) Lies and Insults …. FREE, but if you complain we will charge you or remove you from the property.
5.) The Feast ………... $5.00 donation per mouth is requested. If not paid, we will hunt you down and beat you senseless (which if you showed up to this event you probably left your brains at home anyway).
6.) Personal Facilities.. FREE, but if you clog the toilet, we charge for use of the plunger. If you feel this is unfair, bring your own plunger or bucket (and take it home with you with the contents intact). It is a Unisex facility so be kind to your fellow participant. If two of you are in at the same time, we really don’t want to know about it. Please keep your screams of delight to a minimum.
7.) Video ……………. $20.00 Please note the facility is under 24 hour video surveillance. If you wish copies of your antics, please notify G or R. If not paid, your video will be posted on various boards and UTube so the world can rightfully laugh out loud at you.
8.) Anything Else …… $1,000,000. We may be easy, but we are certainly not cheap (and we are damn good).

I think this about covers all of the associated fees except for seller fees which are 90% of your take. If you don’t pay, Bubba will be on hand to make sure we get what is rightfully ours and he will take what he thinks is his.

The Menu …
Breakfast: For you early arrivers, we will have an assortment of grease and sugar in the form of swelled circles and bars. Additionally, we will provide a colloidal suspension of oils with dark coloring otherwise known as coffee. It will be brewed and served by the most beautiful woman in the universe, so please tip accordingly.

Lunch: Well, we won’t change this very much. You will have your choice of burgers, bratwurst and weenies. Buns are included and so are the condiments that you can spread as you like. We purchase only the finest beef from the UK, bratwurst from India and the weenies, well; we don’t really know or care where they came from. If you have special needs, keep them to yourself ‘cause we don’t give a damn. You’ll get it the way we like it …. This ain’t Burger King and you can’t have it your way.

For those of you that just can’t stand to be away from cheese, we will have some on hand that can be melted into your bovine flesh on request.

Dinner: Hah, we don’t serve dinner. You can scrounge the leftovers if you are particularly famished, but we won’t guarantee the quality or quantity.

Imbidements will include water and soda. Anything else, you bring. If you get out of control, we will take advantage of you so make sure you wear your chastity belt. Hey, it’s any port in a storm ya know.

This event is held regardless of rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog, fire or even if the sun is shining. We have adopted the Post Office Guidelines and carry large weapons.
Don’t piss us off.

For those of you that have questionable vehicles, we will have representatives of the Water Quality Board, South Coast Air Management Board, Department of Environmental Health, Fire Department, EPA and the Presidential Task Force for going Green on hand. California is broke and needs money.

Glenn and I (Ron) hope you will be able to make it. Slits and Professor 914 don’t give a shit if you show up or not so avoid them at all possible times. We have a new personality that you will want to avoid “Mr. Abrasive”. He is well known to attack at any moment and wears many disguises.