G&R All 914 Rusty Parts Swap Meet and Animal Flesh Roasting Festivus, October 23, 2011 Options

[SLITS]

One score and 2 years ago Glenn and Ron brought forth on this continent, a new swapmeet, conceived in no cost, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal in their acquisition of rusty parts.

Now we are engaged in a great war with Germany & Suppliers, testing whether this swapmeet, or any swapmeet so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great asphalt parking lot. We have come to dedicate a portion of that parking lot, as a final resting place for those parts here gave their lives that that the 914 CASOBs might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. These brave parts, bent and rusty, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we sell here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who sold here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored parts we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these parts shall not have rusted in vain -- that this swapmeet, under Ron & Glenn, shall have a new birth of low prices-- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not tax us from the earth.

Yes folks, it's that time of year for the bi-annual G&R All 914 Rusty Parts Swap Meet and Animal Flesh Roasting Festival. It shall be noted that the date is going to be
OCTOBER 23, 2011

and that it shall be held in the back parking lot of
2727 KANSAS AVE, RIVERSIDE, CA, 92507..

The appointed time shall be 6:30 AM till whenever.

The events calendar:

1.) Gate will be open at 6:30 so that you may drive in and spread your worthless junk in the parking lot. Please note we do not mark off spaces or charge for them (fools that we are). You are free to pick up all the foreign objects that your tires are capable of. Please do not return them.

2.) Note that we have redone the entrance to the rear parking lot. The gate track is now buried so you will not be able to tear it out. The approach from the street is steep, as required by The City of Riverslime, so if you are fond of your front air dam approach it at an angle and slowly. We have plenty and don't want anymore.

3.) President Obama was contacted and invited to attend our attempt at spurring on our sluggish economy and he agreed, but being the first class liar he is we doubt he will show anyway.

4.) Our special guest was to be Osama Bin Laden but after many days of searching we couldn't find his dirty rotten stinkin body in the ocean. We give thanks to the fish and Seal Team 6.

5.) Jerry Brown was invited but declined when we told him he would not be allowed to sleep in the parking lot on a mattress and LR wasn't available anyway.

6.) Breakfast will be served for the early comers. Fat, Sugar & Grease, the Breakfast of Champions along with an unidentifiable hot colloid of oils will be available. Additional sugar and fake powdered milk will be available for those who cannot tolerate the taste.

7.) The Animal Flesh Roasting will occur sometime after 10 AM or when I damn well feel like lighting the BBQ. We will ask for a $5.00 donation to pay for the propane; it's expensive you know. The menu will feature only the cheapest ground bovine that we can find and tube steak --- hey, parts is parts. Condiments will be on hand along with tater salad or that stupid Italian Pasta crap. Cheese will be available for those that want to kill the taste of the bovine flesh. We really don't care what you put between your buns but please don't put our $5.00 there before dropping it in the cookie jar.

8.) As always, there is one unisex bathroom and it is not the parking lot. Be kind to your fellow men and women and deposit your body excretions in a proper receptacle. I believe we have ass-gaskets on hand for those of you that are danity.

9.) Please use the trash containers if I can find some. We would appreciate all cans and bottles to be placed in one container. That way we do not have to dig thru the discarded food for them. Secondly, finding 1/4 or 1/2 empty coke and water containers spread about violates my pet peeve... if you take it, use it and place the empty container in a suitable place. If you seem unwilling to find that suitable place, I will be more than happy to tell you where to put it.

10.) We will have entertainment in the main hall (a radio) but it will not be tuned to Rock and Roll or Football. It's the Sabbath so the venue will be Church music (First Church of Celestial Polygamy hosted by the Right Reverend Slits). Any other entertainment by the swapees is not authorized no matter how much we enjoy it.

11.) If your rusty junk doesn't sell and you are reluctant to take it home with you, we will provide a "free pile" for you to dump it in for the true treasure seekers (CASOBS) that will sift through it. If you seriously think that there will be no takers, there is at least one dumpster on the premises.

12.) Bringing 911 parts is perfectly acceptable IF they can be used in a conversion. If they can’t we will probably point you out, have a laughing fest and then stone you. Assdraggers are parts cars anyway.

13.) I won't write directions like I used to (maybe later if enough requests), but I will provide you with cell numbers. If we don't answer we probably don't want you here anyway. Ron, Slits, Mr. Abrasive is (951) 751-3584. Be careful what you say when you get Slits or Mr. Abrasive on the phone. Glenn is (951) 235-7349. We are near the intersection of the 91/215 and 60 Freeways in beautiful Riverslime, CA.

14.) If anyone finds any of this offensive in any way .... go fish. I am not here to please anyone except for the ladies. WhoooRah!

Well, that's about it for now. Glenn and I hope to see you here as we enjoy our little "Free Enterprise". We do not apologize to those who think their swap meets are better and charge.