Joke: The 911 Hat, if you are easily offended... don't open Options

[Rusty]

A young boy walked into the restroom of a restaurant near Lime Rock. As he was washing his hands, a man walked in wearing slacks, a starched shirt and a 911 hat. The boy looked up in awe and asked, "Gee mister... are you a 911 driver?"

The guy puffed up, smiled and replied, "Yes, son, I sure am."

The boy asked if he could wear the man's hat for a minute. The man agreed, and walked into a stall.

A moment later, a guy walked in. He was greasy, wearing scruffy jeans and a 914 hat. The boy looked up and said, "Gee mister, are you a 914 driver??"

The man looked down and replied, "Yeah, why? You wanna suck my dick?"

The boy looked astonished and said... "No, no! I'm not a 911 driver - I'm just wearing his hat!"


-Rusty (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smoke.gif)

[GWN7]

Two blondes from Newfoundland were chatting.



One blonde asks another, "Which is further, Vancouver... or the Moon?"



The other replies: "HELLOOOOO, Can you see Vancouver?"

[GWN7]

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play

together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog

and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the

chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the

farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but

to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.


Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.


Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of

rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.


Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken

arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of

rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear

bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and,

with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!


Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse and

the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.


The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best

Pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he

too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!


The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and

he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and

the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.


The moral of the story? (Yes, there's a moral!)


"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up

Chicks!"

[Howard]

GWN7,

I'm starting to worry about you. If you're doing these jokes while the sun is still out, what's going to happen in February? Make sure to attend WCC 2005 (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

[GWN7]

It's 3:44 am here....no sun out here (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

I'll be there. Going to swap my holidays early this year and my flight is already payed for (ticket from the WCC04)

See you at the FFC? I'm there, jokes and all. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

Mid Feb, I'll be in the garage working on the Impalla, wood stove at full bore and asking for people to post pictures of Palm trees (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

[GWN7]

Back to our regular scheduled funnys....

[Howard]

OK, but I'm outta here.

Subject: Great Circus Act

A traveling salesman visits a small town in the Midwest and sees a circus banner reading, "Don't Miss the Amazing Goldstein!" Curious, he buys a ticket and sits through the usual circus acts: animals, clowns, contortionists, etc.

Suddenly, trumpets blare and all eyes turn to the center ring. There, in the middle of the ring, is a table with three walnuts on it. In comes a little old Jewish man, five feet two inches tall, and barely able to walk to the table.


He unzips his pants, whips out an impressive prodigious member, grabs it in his hand, and proceeds to smash all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupts in thunderous applause as the elderly Goldstein is carried off on the shoulders of the clowns.


Ten years later, the same salesman visits the same little town and sees the same circus being advertised with the same (now faded) banner reading, "Don't Miss the Amazing Goldstein!" Our friend the salesman can't believe the old guy is still alive, much less still doing his act! So, he buys a ticket and sits through the various acts, waiting for the big finale.


Finally, the center ring is illuminated. This time, instead of walnuts, three coconuts are on the table. As before, old Goldstein takes forever to make it to the table. He unzips his fly and proceeds to smash the Coconuts with three swings of his amazing schlong. The crowd goes wild! The salesman requests a meeting with him after the show. In Goldstein's dressing room, the salesman tells him he's never seen anything like Goldstein's act.

But, he wants to know why Goldstein, at his age, is now smashing large coconuts instead of the much smaller walnuts. "Vell," says Goldstein, wearily, "My eyes aren't vhat they used to be!"

[Thorshammer]

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!!!!



A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over

here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how

to get it started. " Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be

when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on

the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help

with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the

puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at

the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what

we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into

anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second,

I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....."

he sighed, .

"let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.



Erik Madsen

[eitnurg]

A Yorkshire bloke Is Drinking In A New York Bar.... He gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear & orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Yorkshire baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Yorkie just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks. Like I said, my boy's a typical Yorkshire baby boy." Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations of "WOW!" were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later the Yorkshire bloke returns to the bar. The bartender says "Say,
you're the father of that typical Yorkshire baby boy that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks.

We were gonna call you... so how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is puzzled & concerned.

"What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born." The Yorkshire father takes a slow gulp from his pint of Tetley's, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve,leans into the bartender & proudly says:



"Had him circumcised".