Friday Funny, Ad your own joke, but keep it clean |
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Friday Funny, Ad your own joke, but keep it clean |
ThinAir |
Nov 5 2004, 11:46 AM
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#1
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Best friends Group: Members Posts: 2,542 Joined: 4-February 03 From: Flagstaff, AZ Member No.: 231 Region Association: Southwest Region |
A police officer pulls over a motorist, walks up and knocks on his window.
Officer: "Sir, your eyes seem to be bloodshot - have you been drinking?" Citizen: "Office, your eyes seem to be glazed - have you been eating donuts?" (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) I can't take credit for this - I just heard it on the radio in a promo piece for this week's Pairie Home Companion show. It made me smile. |
Rusty |
Nov 5 2004, 11:56 AM
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#2
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Wanted: Engine case GA003709 Group: Admin Posts: 7,941 Joined: 24-December 02 From: North Alabama Member No.: 6 Region Association: Galt's Gulch |
What do you get when you put six ducks in a box?
A box of quackers!! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) |
Aaron Cox |
Nov 5 2004, 12:00 PM
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#3
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Professional Lawn Dart Group: Retired Admin Posts: 24,541 Joined: 1-February 03 From: OC Member No.: 219 Region Association: Southern California |
Mr and Mrs Wong are expecting a baby. The time comes and they hurry to the hospital for labor. mrs wong delivers the child but doesnt see it as they take it away to be cleaned etc....
the nurse comes back and a baby is wrapped nice and tight in a blanket. Mrs wong opens the blanket to see her childs face....its a white child, "this cannot be, two WONGS dont make a WHITE! what did they name their child? Sum Ting Wong |
Root_Werks |
Nov 5 2004, 12:03 PM
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#4
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Village Idiot Group: Members Posts: 8,321 Joined: 25-May 04 From: About 5NM from Canada Member No.: 2,105 Region Association: Pacific Northwest |
(IMG:style_emoticons/default/lol2.gif) Usually when the come tapping on my window it is "Ah Mr. Root....." (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ohmy.gif)
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balljoint |
Nov 5 2004, 12:09 PM
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#5
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914 Wizard Group: Members Posts: 10,000 Joined: 6-April 04 Member No.: 1,897 Region Association: None |
Big fan of little Johnny. Stop me if you've heard this one.
It's pretty clean. Just a bit of biology. Little Johnny is at the zoo with his mom. They stop by to see the elephants and Little Johnny is quite impressed when the big Bull elephant turns sideways. L.J.: Hey mom, what's that thing hangin' down from the elephant? Mom: Well Johnny, that's the elephants trunk! L.J.: No mom, the other end. What's that big long thing hangin' down? Mom blushes, she knows where this is headed. Mom: Well Johnny, that is the elephants tail! L.J.: Noooo mooooom, that big long thing, there between his legs. At this point Johnny's mom has an audience of other zoo patrons and is really turning red as her son makes a bit of a scene. Mom: Oh Johnny, that's, well, that's Nothing!!! A few days later Little Johnny and his Dad are watching tv, and a National Geographic program comes on, showcasing elephants. Again, Little Johnny sees a side view of a big bull elephant and has to ask.... LJ: Hey Dad, what's that big long thing hangin' down from the elephant. Dad gets it right away. Dad: Well Johnny, that is the elephants penis!! LJ: Really Dad? But at the zoo, when I showed Mom, she said "that was Nothing!!". Dad smiles. Dad: Well Johnny......... your mother is spoiled |
GWN7 |
Nov 5 2004, 12:12 PM
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#6
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King of Road Trips Group: Members Posts: 6,280 Joined: 31-December 02 From: Winnipeg, MB, Canada Member No.: 56 Region Association: Northstar Region |
Ok, I'll play (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)
Attached image(s) |
GWN7 |
Nov 5 2004, 12:22 PM
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#7
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King of Road Trips Group: Members Posts: 6,280 Joined: 31-December 02 From: Winnipeg, MB, Canada Member No.: 56 Region Association: Northstar Region |
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee." |
GWN7 |
Nov 5 2004, 12:27 PM
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#8
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King of Road Trips Group: Members Posts: 6,280 Joined: 31-December 02 From: Winnipeg, MB, Canada Member No.: 56 Region Association: Northstar Region |
ring *** ring-g-g-g-g*** pick up***
"Hello?" "Hi, honey, this is Daddy .... Is your Mommy near the phone?" " No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank," After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey! " "Oh Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now!" "Uh, Okay, then ... here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car's just pulled up outside the house." "Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy." "And what happened?" he asks. "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran round screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying out the front window and now she's all dead on the driveway." "Oh my God!!!!! And what about your Uncle Frank?" "He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool - but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's all real dead too." ***long pause*** *** more pause**** Then Daddy says, " Swimming pool????...................... Is this 555-7039? |
GWN7 |
Nov 5 2004, 12:36 PM
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#9
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King of Road Trips Group: Members Posts: 6,280 Joined: 31-December 02 From: Winnipeg, MB, Canada Member No.: 56 Region Association: Northstar Region |
A big Texan cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following
a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table.Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning, a delicacy!" The cowboy, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on vacation down here! Bring me an order!" The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy"! The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!" The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins." |
Root_Werks |
Nov 5 2004, 12:54 PM
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#10
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Village Idiot Group: Members Posts: 8,321 Joined: 25-May 04 From: About 5NM from Canada Member No.: 2,105 Region Association: Pacific Northwest |
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SLITS |
Nov 5 2004, 01:03 PM
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#11
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"This Utah shit is HARSH!" Group: Benefactors Posts: 13,602 Joined: 22-February 04 From: SoCal Mountains ... Member No.: 1,696 Region Association: None |
Our leader which art in Redwood City,
Callous be thy way, Thy Forum come, thy will be done, Here, as it is on Pelican. Take this day our political discussions, And forgive us our extreme opinions, As we forgive others, And lead us into platitudes, But deliver us from intellectual masturbation. For thine is the server, the power, the decision, Forever. Karmen |
Aaron Cox |
Nov 5 2004, 01:09 PM
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#12
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Professional Lawn Dart Group: Retired Admin Posts: 24,541 Joined: 1-February 03 From: OC Member No.: 219 Region Association: Southern California |
QUOTE(SLITS @ Nov 5 2004, 12:03 PM) Our leader which art in Redwood City, Callous be thy way, Thy Forum come, thy will be done, Here, as it is on Pelican. Take this day our political discussions, And forgive us our extreme opinions, As we forgive others, And lead us into platitudes, But deliver us from intellectual masturbation. For thine is the server, the power, the decision, Forever. Karmen slits had some of miles's pills (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wacko.gif) |
ThinAir |
Nov 5 2004, 01:12 PM
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#13
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Best friends Group: Members Posts: 2,542 Joined: 4-February 03 From: Flagstaff, AZ Member No.: 231 Region Association: Southwest Region |
QUOTE(SLITS @ Nov 5 2004, 12:03 PM) Here, as it is on Pelican. That's low. <_< |
ThinAir |
Nov 5 2004, 01:13 PM
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#14
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Best friends Group: Members Posts: 2,542 Joined: 4-February 03 From: Flagstaff, AZ Member No.: 231 Region Association: Southwest Region |
I can see it now... a thread that is supposed to be clean jokes gets locked because it turns political! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ar15.gif)
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Sammy |
Nov 5 2004, 01:14 PM
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#15
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. Group: Members Posts: 1,190 Joined: 21-January 03 From: Orange, Ca Member No.: 178 |
Q. What do you call a dead blonde girl in a closet?
A. Hide and go seek champion, 1996. |
SpecialK |
Nov 5 2004, 01:33 PM
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#16
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aircraft surgeon Group: Benefactors Posts: 3,211 Joined: 15-March 04 From: Pacific, MO Member No.: 1,797 |
Two muffins are sitting in an oven.
One muffin says "Man, it's hot in here!" The other one screams "OH MY GOD! A TALKING MUFFIN!" (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif) |
Aaron Cox |
Nov 5 2004, 01:35 PM
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#17
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Professional Lawn Dart Group: Retired Admin Posts: 24,541 Joined: 1-February 03 From: OC Member No.: 219 Region Association: Southern California |
what did the pig say out in the hot sun.....
Im bakin! (bacon) |
scooter311 |
Nov 5 2004, 03:05 PM
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#18
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Member Group: Members Posts: 231 Joined: 22-October 04 From: Upstate NY Member No.: 2,986 |
Where does the general keep his armies?
in his sleevies ooof that was bad |
Brad Smith |
Nov 5 2004, 03:14 PM
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#19
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Newbie Group: Members Posts: 45 Joined: 29-October 04 From: Fort Worth, TX Member No.: 3,029 |
Can I say "a$$h*le" on here? Hmmm... well here goes, hope I don't get in trouble.
A guy was cruising down a nice twisty highway, enjoying the drive. As he passes under an overpass, he sees a motorcycle cop up top running radar. The cop jumps on his bike and proceeds to chase him down. When he pulls over, the cop comes up and asks him "why are you in such a hurry?" "I'm on my way to work," the guy replies. "Work? What kind of work do you do?" asks the cop. He replies, "I'm an a$$h*le stretcher." The cop asks, "An a$$h*le stretcher? What exactly do you do?" The guy says, "well, at the meat packing plant, they have lots of parts that aren't normally used. What I do is I take the a$$h*les and work my fingers in them, and stretch them out until I can get my whole arms in there... then I stretch them out untill I can get a foot in there, and finally stretch it out to about 6 feet." "SIX FEET!" the cop exclaims, "What do you do with a 6 foot a$$h*le" The guy says, "well, you give it a radar gun, and put it on top of a highway overpass on a motorcycle..." Brad |
ThinAir |
Nov 5 2004, 06:12 PM
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#20
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Best friends Group: Members Posts: 2,542 Joined: 4-February 03 From: Flagstaff, AZ Member No.: 231 Region Association: Southwest Region |
QUOTE(Brad Smith @ Nov 5 2004, 02:14 PM) The guy says, "well, you give it a radar gun, and put it on top of a highway overpass on a motorcycle..." I'm sure the cop's eyes glazed over! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) |
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