G&R All 914 Rusty Parts Swap Meet and Animal Flesh Roast Festival, Coming out of the Closet Options

[SLITS]

Well Glenn & I have been exposed. After consulting with the now defunct Mayan Calendar, The Porcupine Club of America Calendar and a bunch of unruly 914 owners, we have chosen ..... (drum roll and blaring horns)
NOVEMBER 10, 2013
as the date for the next installment of The G&R All 914 Rusty Parts Swap Meet And Animal Flesh Roasting Festival. It seems the PCA thinks they are the most important entity in the universe and had the audacity to schedule events every weekend in October thereby screwing us over for our chosen dates and we didn't even get a kiss. I suppose it's really more important to watch Grownups(?) parade around in their driving suits at half mast with their Pilote Shoes and Porsche Design Sunglasses, justifying all the money they spent to go slow. If they would lose some of their gold chains they might be a tad faster.

Regardless, this momentous bi-annual event will be held at
2727 Kansas Ave, Riverslime, CA 92507
in the back parking lot. We would hold it in the front parking lot but the RR Police & City of Riverslime Police would take offense at people peeing on their tracks and streets. Besides, we're just not that Caucasian.

The gate will be open at 6 - 6:30 AM if I wake up. As old as I am that is beginning to be an important factor. I plan on recharging my Pacemaker prior to the event so I can withstand all the excitement and I have restocked my supply of Depends.

For those showing up in the wee hours of the AM, we will have the usual black colloidal liquid. We will also supply sufficient chemically enhanced decolorizer (powdered creamer) and diabetes enhancing sweetener for those so inclined. I do not partake as my Grandfather provided a life extending phrase before his departure from this earth of, "Never dilute your coffee or booze".

A further diabetic treat will be fat pills with and without holes. Sorry, we will not serve fried embryos or swine fat. If you want oats, corn or wheat you will have to bring your own.

Somewhere around 10 - 11 AM Glenn will fire off the BBQ and begin the animal flesh roasting. We will have Bovine, Fowl, Swine mix flat patties and tubes for your enjoyment. Drippings will be collected to flavor the Soy, Vegie, Tofu patties that we are required to supply for aging UPS Pilots and their PETA supporters. Condumments for the above are available.

It has been insinuated that the Redneck will be bringing chili or chili & beans in varying temperature extremes. For Vegans, we will have a container of chili powder on hand and you can eat it by the spoonful.

In addition we will supply sugared liquids and holy water (Yes, it has been blessed by the Water Quality Board) for imbibements. Should you desire anything stronger you will have to bring it yourself.

For all these gastronomical delights we ask that you donate $5.00 per person so that we may be able to buy ourselves healthful food at a decent restaurant.

As always, swap spaces are free and so is the admission to our fantastic facility. So come one come all and spread the useless rusty junk that everyone has multiples of and see if you can talk some fool in to giving you Dead Presidents for it. Obama Bills will not be accepted as unfortunately he is still alive and his money is as worthless as he is.

Please be cautiously aware that there will be two entities attending trying to pry money from you. More than likely you will be visited by Erc from Utah trying to bolster the funds for the Morman Church. Be very aware of his police force. Their methods can be studied by Googling "Mountain Meadows Massacre". We fully expect the PCA to have their signup sheet present .. carefully read the small print as after joining your life belongs to them.

For those that have never attended, be advised we have one Unisex bathroom available. TP & Assgaskets are supplied. Be kindly towards your fellow patrons. Marking your spot in the parking lot is ill advised as the area is under 24 hour video surveillance and your antics will be posted on YouTube.

We will attempt to have separate containers for glass, plastic and paper. As we are a recycling facility, we try to be kind to our employees that have to separate the materials from used food and snot rags.

There is a roll-off container available for disposal of those valued parts that suddenly became junk you do not want to haul home.

If your car has been lowered, please take care on the gate ramp from the street. It was built to City of Riverslime specifications and is steep enough to remove parts from your vehicle. Entering at an angle is advised.

While we consider assdraggers to be parts cars we welcome all Porsche vehicles so as not to be considered as prejudicial even though their latest wasserpumper renditions make us gag.

Decorum is expected from all attendees. Licking other people's parts is not an accepted behavior (yes, this is an inside joke). Urinating on other's parts to make them rust faster is not acceptable either. Most anything else goes.

Tech sessions will be held at varying times throughout the day. Stupid questions will be answered with stupid answers. Relevant questions will be answered with stupid answers also.

When you run into Ron, please identify early whether you are speaking with Professor 914, Colonel Caustic, Admiral Abrasive or Slits.

Glenn and I hope that all that desire can make this event. It has, and always will be a gathering of friends. If it were for profit, we would charge you up the ying yang for everything. Yes Virginia, there are no track fees.

If you need directions, I will type them later. If you get lost, we don't care. Ok, well maybe we do and I will post phone numbers later.

Now, I realize that this posting is not as prejudicial or racial as previous announcements, so please don't be offended as I really don't give a shit! Besides, the Geritol has worn off and I need a nap.

Goodnight Gracie!