Oil Change Clinic for Teener Drivers, Very On Topic...... |
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Oil Change Clinic for Teener Drivers, Very On Topic...... |
SLITS |
Jan 31 2006, 09:55 AM
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#1
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"This Utah shit is HARSH!" Group: Benefactors Posts: 13,602 Joined: 22-February 04 From: SoCal Mountains ... Member No.: 1,696 Region Association: None |
Why I pay to have My oil changed!!
Oil Change Instructions for Women 1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change. 2. Drink a cup of coffee. 3. 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money Spent Oil Change $20.00, Coffee $1.00, Total $21.00 ================================================================== Oil Change Instructions For Men 1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write check for $50.00. 2. Stop by 7-11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home. 3. Open a beer and drink it. 4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7. Place drain pan under engine. 8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9. Give up and use crescent wrench. 10. Unscrew drain plug. 11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss. 12. Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13. Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15. Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16. Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. 17. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. 18. Neighbor shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener. 19. Sunday: Skip church because, "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. 20. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle 21. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 20. 22. Walk to 7-11; buy beer. 23. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 24. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 25. Remember drain plug from step 11. 26. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 27. Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug. 28. Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. 29. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. 30. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas. 31. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 32. Drink beer. 33. Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. 34. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. 35. Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 34. Begin cussing fit. 36. Throw stupid crescent wrench. 37. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob. 38. Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 39. Beer. 40. Dump in four to nine fresh quarts of oil. 41. Beer. 42. Lower car from jack stands. 43. Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil. 44. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43. 45. Beer. 46. Test drive car. 47. Get pulled over. Arrested for driving under the influence. 48. Car gets impounded. 49. Call loving wife, make bail. 50. 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money Spent Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $40.00 Total $4165.00 But you know the job was done right! |
Flat VW |
Jan 31 2006, 10:00 AM
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#2
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Illegal Soapbox Derby Racecar Group: Members Posts: 1,692 Joined: 13-November 04 From: Phoenix, AZ Member No.: 3,105 |
insert Shaggy oil change joke, [ here ]
John (IMG:http://www.914world.com/bbs2/html/emoticons/boldblue.gif) |
goose2 |
Jan 31 2006, 11:15 AM
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#3
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Senior Member Group: Members Posts: 976 Joined: 30-March 05 From: Eugene, Oregon Member No.: 3,847 Region Association: Pacific Northwest |
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DNHunt |
Jan 31 2006, 11:23 AM
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#4
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914 Wizard? No way. I got too much to learn. Group: Members Posts: 4,099 Joined: 21-April 03 From: Gig Harbor, WA Member No.: 598 |
Ron
You forgot 42a Start car to check for leaks 42b Damn, leaks 4c Beer 42d Jack car back up 42e Find oil leaking from above filter 42f Tighten filter 42g Overtighten filter 42h Lower car 42i Beer 42j Start car to check for leaks 42k Damn, leaks 42l Beer 42m Jack car back up 42n Find oil leaking from above filter 42o Look closer oil is coming from the gasket at the case where the filter assembly bolts up. 42p Jack car up higher and branch to drop engine procedure 42q Leave car on jack stands 42r Beer |
SLITS |
Jan 31 2006, 11:26 AM
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#5
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"This Utah shit is HARSH!" Group: Benefactors Posts: 13,602 Joined: 22-February 04 From: SoCal Mountains ... Member No.: 1,696 Region Association: None |
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goose2 |
Jan 31 2006, 11:33 AM
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#6
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Senior Member Group: Members Posts: 976 Joined: 30-March 05 From: Eugene, Oregon Member No.: 3,847 Region Association: Pacific Northwest |
there's a whole 'nuther chapter if it's a six too (IMG:http://www.914world.com/bbs2/html/emoticons/laugh.gif)
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MattR |
Jan 31 2006, 12:10 PM
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#7
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Advanced Member Group: Members Posts: 3,279 Joined: 23-January 04 From: SF Bay Area Member No.: 1,589 Region Association: Northern California |
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Toast |
Jan 31 2006, 12:13 PM
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#8
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Not bad for carrying sway bars. Group: Members Posts: 3,377 Joined: 20-January 04 From: Las Vegas Member No.: 1,580 Region Association: Southwest Region |
(IMG:http://www.914world.com/bbs2/html/emoticons/chairfall.gif)
And then he wonders why I have someone else work on my vehicle. (IMG:http://www.914world.com/bbs2/html/emoticons/laugh.gif) (IMG:http://www.914world.com/bbs2/html/emoticons/rolleyes.gif) |
DNHunt |
Jan 31 2006, 12:47 PM
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#9
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914 Wizard? No way. I got too much to learn. Group: Members Posts: 4,099 Joined: 21-April 03 From: Gig Harbor, WA Member No.: 598 |
Toast
Working on cars is a little like asking for directions. No way we want admit we're lost. Course later on we like to laugh about how we screwed up. Kinda like beating on our chests. Dave |
gregrobbins |
Feb 1 2006, 12:35 AM
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#10
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Member: Team NARP Group: Members Posts: 1,515 Joined: 23-March 04 From: Arizona Member No.: 1,844 Region Association: Southwest Region |
Is that the change your oil and rebuild your engine while you're at it story? |
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messix |
Feb 1 2006, 12:46 AM
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#11
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AKA "CLUTCH KILLER"! Group: Members Posts: 6,995 Joined: 14-April 05 From: between shit kickers and pinky lifters/ puget sound wa.north of Seattle south of Canada Member No.: 3,931 Region Association: Pacific Northwest |
(IMG:http://www.914world.com/bbs2/html/emoticons/chairfall.gif) (IMG:http://www.914world.com/bbs2/html/emoticons/lol2.gif) never done anything like that never (IMG:http://www.914world.com/bbs2/html/emoticons/unsure.gif)
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alpha434 |
Feb 1 2006, 12:56 AM
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#12
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My member number is no coincidence. Group: Members Posts: 3,154 Joined: 16-December 05 From: Denver, CO Member No.: 5,280 Region Association: Rocky Mountains |
What about adjusting the valves?!?!
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