Why I pay to have My oil changed!!



Oil Change Instructions for Women


1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money Spent Oil Change $20.00, Coffee $1.00, Total $21.00


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Oil Change Instructions For Men


1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty
litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write check for $50.00.
2. Stop by 7-11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12. Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16. Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes.
17. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties.
18. Neighbor shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you
can go see his new garage door opener.
19. Sunday: Skip church because, "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil
out from underneath car.
20. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle
21. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 20.
22. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
23. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket
surface.
24. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
25. Remember drain plug from step 11.
26. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
27. Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with
drain plug.
28. Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole.
29. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid
environmental penalties.
30. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
31. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty
litter on oil spill.
32. Drink beer.
33. Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag
used to clean drain plug.
34. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
35. Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 34. Begin cussing fit.
36. Throw stupid crescent wrench.
37. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
38. Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
39. Beer.
40. Dump in four to nine fresh quarts of oil.
41. Beer.
42. Lower car from jack stands.
43. Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45. Beer.
46. Test drive car.
47. Get pulled over. Arrested for driving under the influence.
48. Car gets impounded.
49. Call loving wife, make bail.
50. 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.


Money Spent Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $40.00



Total $4165.00 But you know the job was done right!

insert Shaggy oil change joke, [ here ]


John

Ron

You forgot

42a Start car to check for leaks
42b Damn, leaks
4c Beer
42d Jack car back up
42e Find oil leaking from above filter
42f Tighten filter
42g Overtighten filter
42h Lower car
42i Beer
42j Start car to check for leaks
42k Damn, leaks
42l Beer
42m Jack car back up
42n Find oil leaking from above filter
42o Look closer oil is coming from the gasket at the case where the filter assembly bolts up.
42p Jack car up higher and branch to drop engine procedure
42q Leave car on jack stands
42r Beer

there's a whole 'nuther chapter if it's a six too

And then he wonders why I have someone else work on my vehicle.

Toast

Working on cars is a little like asking for directions. No way we want admit we're lost. Course later on we like to laugh about how we screwed up. Kinda like beating on our chests.

Dave

QUOTE (Flat VW @ Jan 31 2006, 09:00 AM)

insert Shaggy oil change joke, [ here ] John

Is that the change your oil and rebuild your engine while you're at it story?

never done anything like that never

What about adjusting the valves?!?!