O/T What would you do? Options

[spare time toys]

So tonight I get home from running after super to find out the kid next door jumped my daughter( 13 yrs old) tonight. Thier kids were out front playing in our yard and Lizzy went out and asked them to go play in thier yard. The older one of the boys (12 yrs old) starts in calling her a lezbo and pushes her backwards and she fell. Then he jumped on top of her and put her in a head lock and was choking her while telling her you know you love me. Here is the kicker we are white and they are not, we have talked to the kids folks before about the boy calling her stupid white girl and other race type of names. My girl could care less what race some one is her best friend at school is black and they hang around with the kid who is new and came from China I think. She has never made racial coments to them. Do I got to the cops and file a complaint or what? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/confused24.gif)

[rick 918-S]

Man Larry, I don't know what to offer. That's tough. Can you meet with the parents and see if their open to having a sit down with the kids and find out what went wrong? Maybe your past that point. I know your intensions will be in the right place no matter what you decide.

[davep]

I'd say you have to do something. At least talk with the other parents. Ask the cops to drop by and talk with you, they don't have to talk with the neighbours as long as the neighbours know that the cops know.

Sounds like that kid is a bit messed up with those kind of mixed signals.

[scotty b]

So tonight I get home from running after super to find out the kid next door jumped my daughter( 13 yrs old) tonight. Thier kids were out front playing in our yard and Lizzy went out and asked them to go play in thier yard. The older one of the boys (12 yrs old) starts in calling her a lezbo and pushes her backwards and she fell. Then he jumped on top of her and put her in a head lock and was choking her while telling her you know you love me. Here is the kicker we are white and they are not, we have talked to the kids folks before about the boy calling her stupid white girl and other race type of names. My girl could care less what race some one is her best friend at school is black and they hang around with the kid who is new and came from China I think. She has never made racial coments to them. Do I got to the cops and file a complaint or what? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/confused24.gif)

AAWWWWWWWWWKWERD ! I'm not sure what I would do. Don't take this the wrong way but hopefuly your daughter has some bruises where this delinquint choked or hit her to help substantiate the story. Otherwise you become " the assh-le racist" on the block. How have the parents responded in the past when you have talked to them about the little terror?

[Jeroen]

I'd offer his parents one change to set the boy straight
I don't think I could keep cool for very long though...

real sorry to hear this Larry
give Lizzy a big hug from all of us!

[scotty b]

Maybe instead of filing a complaint, get a cop or two to come over and talk with both of his parents as well as you and your wife. That would let them know you are serious about the matter but want to help him not just get him in trouble?

[spare time toys]

I have talked to the dad before about the stupid white girl remaks. He was like "my litte angle would never say such a thing, and I domt know where he would come up with saying some thing like that. His Momma and I dont talk like that." I have heard them over the fence when they have friends over and I have been out in the shop and I can tell you the nut didnt fall too far from the tree if you know what I meen (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

[GWN7]

If you remove the race aspect of this, that young man needs to learn right from wrong. He needs to know that you can't assault someone because he feels like it and it's oblivious his parents haven't taught him this life lesson.

Call the police.

[Katmanken]

Lesse,

Girl goes out to ask kids to leave her yard and go play in theirs,

Male kid calls her names, knocks her over, jumps on her, puts her in a head lock, and chokes her while telling her he loves her.....

Don't see any color in that picture.... I see an attack, violence, and don't like the love comments at all.....

What I would be concerned with is his next step. Rape?

You need the cops in on this one. If they offer no help, pull him aside later and tell him what you WILL do to him before the cops can come to save his ass.....

Ken

[KaptKaos]

Very difficult. However, when physical violence is involved at this age, you have to take a very hard line. You need to do this not only to protect your daughter physically, but you have to do this so she knows that you are there for her and you are protecting her.

I would call the police and see what they say. I would also tell your neighbors that if their kid touches yours again, that you will call the cops and press charges.

Unfortunately, you can't let this go or it will only get worse.

Just remember, confrontation and conflict sometimes are a good thing. It gives you the opportunity to assert your authority and it will provide a framework for future issues as they arise. Not just with your neighbor, but your daughter too.

[SGB]

I would call the police and see what they say.

I bet they have encountered similar situations before...

[So.Cal.914]

I didn't start my last growth spurt until I was 17 so I was a small kid. A kid that

keeps getting away with being a bully will push it farther and farther unless

someone fights back. If he is allowed to continue, and it sounds like his little

angel will, things could get really ugly. I think he needs to be called out on the

carpet on this one. I rairly see you mis-spell your words so I know you are upset

but cool heads will prevail. Contact the police and speak with the juvenal crimes

division and explain what happened, They may have a program for that kind

of kid. Sorry and Good Luck.

[bmcwilli]

My daughter was victim of other girls bullying her in Jr High. NOTHING like what you describe, but it went on and on. I trusted the professionals at this private school to deal with it. What a laugh. The teacher simply avoided conflict any way he could.

This went on through 6 and 7 grade. Beginning of grade 8 I told the teacher (Waldorf school, same teacher 1st through 8th grade) That if any other kid so much as sneered at Annalee, and the school didn't deal with immediately, that I would make him and a lot of others at the school very unhappy. He looked at me and said "i understand".

Sure enough the biggest girl in the class (and the queen bee) drew down on the smallest girl in the class (my girl Annalee) with a volleybal at point blank range. I called the teacher at home that night, he put his wife (a strong willed woman and teacher on it) and that was it. Apologies made, and no more BS.

My regret: I trusted others to look out for my girl for too long. She l(justifiably) ost faith in me, though by acting quiclky last year she now knows I will protect her.

PROTECT YOUR KID.

I hope there were witnesses, but even if not, call the cops, and make it very clear that if anyone from this family is in your yard, you consider it tresspass and will file a complaint. Get a restraining order.

Things are long past any cordial relationship with this bunch.

Look out for your family. And yes I agree the little SOB needs to feel heat and consequences. They DO lock up 13 year olds.

It's a hard time to raise daughters. Girls are assaulted with nefative messages about their bodies, their sexuality, the way they should respond to volence, unwelcome advances etc.

I think I know what you would have done if you had been there when this happened; you would have torn the little bastard apart. Why would you respond any less vigorously because you weren't on the scene.

Nothing difficult here. Protect your kid.

[Spoke]

Wow, the audacity of kids is amazing. I have 2 daughters and I'm probably overprotective of little girls. The way this world is going and stuff you hear about school violence, sexual harrassment, and kid behavior says don't let anything go un-reported and un-challenged.

Please take the things I say as my feelings being very far away from your situation. Ignore my thoughts if it bothers you. Agressive behaviour only gets worse.

This kid needs to be scared out of his mind for what he did to your daughter. His behaviour is totally unacceptable and borderline criminal.

I would not talk to the parents. If they approach you, ok, talk about it. As you mentioned, the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. No parent if confronted by other parents will admit that his kid is a dumbass or did something. Their admission of their kid's guilt could be used against them in a court of law. They might bitch at him behind closed doors but won't admit to anything to you.

File charges. Charges can be dropped later but file charges now. Charges could include simple assault, racial harrassment, sexual harrassment, and attempted rape. Don't mess around before he gets worse or really attacks her.

If this kid is in the same school as your daughter, contact the school. They need to know about this. My neighbor is our high school vice principle and if parents bring these things to them, especially if the name calling and harassment goes on in or around school or on the school bus, then they are required to investigate and even contact the police if necessary.

Again, these are my feelings being removed from your situation. Please feel free to totally ignor what I've said here if it bothers you.

Good luck,
Spoke

[jd74914]

I would call the police and see what they say.

I bet they have encountered similar situations before...

I would call just so there is a record of the incident in case God forbid something like this happens again or has been happening to other kids. Documentations is always a good thing and its better to be safe, especially since there seems to be some history of one-sided verbal confrontation.

[JPB]

A twelve your old and talks like that? It has to come from the parents and a learned behavior. Their yard is no longer a safe place to for your little girl and this one can slip in my books but you still need to tell the parents about it. If it happens again in your yard or the side walk or something, then the parents need to know that you will hold them responsible. As for the racist stuff, there is by far more racism within their own race than we, all the races combined, have EVER given them. Maybe they have a little Rowandan in them, look out! Inversly, there are many wonderful black people which I hold as dear friends and have tought me much about their cultur and racism within their cultur.

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/beer.gif) For shizzel my nizzel.

[MecGen]

Hey

Realy shitty thing to happen...Teenager violence is a very,very serious problem. You can go to the local police station and file a report without pressing charges. At a minimum get the cops card and tell the parents that you have spoken with the police.

If the shoe was put on the other foot, how long do you think it would take for them to call the police and your family labelled the racists? Your not born with racism...its learned. Sounds like a punk in the making, regardless of color.

Good luck, be safe.

Later
(IMG:style_emoticons/default/beerchug.gif)

[blitZ]

Definitely, call the police, file a complaint. The assaulting kids parents don't care, therefore they are sending a clear message to their child that they approve. It's just a matter of time until it gets worse, there is no one checking that kids behavior.

If you hadn't noticed, violence amongst are youth is out of control. Don't let your child be victimized any more.

[Dr Evil]

If you can not speak with the parents then you have no recourse but to go to the police.

1) Act in a way that assures your daughter of her safety and your undying support.

2) Nip the neighbor kid problem in the bud because he will escallate and this can very well turn into a rape situation.

Expect that the parents will likely bad mouth you in private which will nullify any punitive effet towads the little shit. The little shit will continue to taunt yoru daughter when she is alone and he will become more boysterous if not put in check. It may be time for the cops if you have tried diplomacy. This will get it on reacord.

3) Get your daughter pepper spray and some self defense training. If shee looks like an easy mark (and I hate to tell you this, she did or he would not have been so bold) then she will be a target. A little pepper spray and a kick in the nuts ought to fix the SOB and make him think twice about victimizing your daughter.

It is obvious that he likes your daugher in a bad way and does not know how to express it in a respectable mannor.

[Allan]

My daughter will be 12 in two months so I know what it's like raising a girl.

Personally, I wouldn't hesitate to call the police and press every charge possible, especially since you have tried to talk to the parents already.

This kind of crap needs to be dealt with as harshly and quickly as possible...