I just got married last year... I spent probably 4 months looking at rings, studying diamonds and was ready to drop $4000 (not close the 2 month's salary, but a lot none the less)... then I bounced some ideas off my (now) wife... she didn't care about diamond certification, didn't even care if there WAS a diamond... she just wanted the marriage... I still got her a diamond, we even shopped together so she would get something she could still be proud of, and I didn't spend over $1000 on both the wedding band(with diamonds too) AND the engagement ring...

Making a special proposal is sweet but quickly one of many memories from the past ... The ring stays. I didn't go cheap on it so she can always wear it proudly ...

totally agree

the ring is just a tradition. its the WAY you propose thats special...and more from the heart.

By all means, go all out and get her something fabulous.

I never meant that a special proposal should take the place of a ring...they should complement each other. But what do I know?

Mer

one more quick story...

J's solitaire was a 5mm vvsi diamond. (don't know the exact CW but i'm estimating about 1/2 ct) with very good color and clarity. About a year ago, she noticed the stone missing and was devastated, of course. we looked EVERYWHERE. backtrack everywhere she'd been that day and unsurprisingly turned up nothing. so - Lesson One: as soon as you get the ring, get it appraised, get it photographed, and MAKE SURE it will be covered on your insurance policy - a lot of policies have surprisingly low single-item limits.

she'd been stalking Moissonite for a while and decided that's what she wanted to replace the diamond. i did some research. Moissonite is silicon carbide that has only recently been grown in jewelry-grade quality and size. IIRC it has a refractive index that's actually higher than diamond and it does have amazing fire. we even went up 1/2mm because it was less costly than diamond and we felt a slight size increase might increase the tension in the setting and improve its security. she's thrilled with the way the ring looks with the replacement stone. and silicone carbide is, of course, very, very hard.

about 3 weeks later i was working on the 911 in the driveway late one night and saw something sparkle in the light. found the diamond. it's in a safe place. she prefers the look of the Moissonite.

It seems like the ring thing has gotten out of hand. My parent's generation bought small modest diamond engagement rings and then the standard wedding band which the woman usually wore.

Now, it seems like there is this size competition with among women/couples in certain socio-economic groups in the Bay Area. It's like you have to buy a big enough ring to compare to her sister or friend's ring.

I think that the more the woman is concerned about the diamond size, the less you should marry her. I picked out my wife's ring. The large diamond is only a little over 1/2 carat. She didn't see the ring until I proposed. She was thrilled and it meant alot to her that I picked it out. She didn't feel the need to pick one out to make sure I "got the right one" Then, when her female co-workers were huddled around her to look at her ring, someone says "don't worry, in a few years you can get a bigger one". What the hell kind of person says that to someone who is so excited about geting engaged? I'm sure her husband is miserable.

OK enough ranting. My wife is super cool. The opposite of the "my diamond is bigger" type.

Andrew

You asked for things you'll need for your "proposal". It's simple enough to ask and get an answer but you will need:

1. Plan your finances - women want at least assurance and who will manage them? This is one of the top two issues in marriage. Nice if it's no problem...
2. Sex - state your expectations. The other top issue
3. How, when, where you propose - this is one of the many highlights she will remember. Your planning is important
4. My wife does not wear her ring for fear of losing it because she uses her hands alot for her business. At first she wanted a simple band and wedding but that idea had a short life...

Good luck!
Felix

I mentioned moissonite (but spelled it wrong) check them out!

There was a show on Canadian TV (Marketplace, sort of like 20/20) about moissonnite and how it is fooling a lot of jewellers. They took one undercover to a guy who buys diamonds (ads on local TV all the time, Russell Oliver) and he offered the woman 6k for it. She said she would think about it and started to leave and he goes “OK 7k!”
It was worth something like $1000.

The whole show was about how some unscrupulous jewellers have replaced people's diamonds with moissonite stones, when they have brought them in for cleaning/repair.

As long as she knows (and no one else) that it’s a fake, a very good one at that, it shouldn’t be an issue.


To me, when I hear "the ring is just a tradition" it makes me laugh! The whole diamond thing is BS cooked up by Debeers, diamonds had nothing to do with weddings till a massive marketing scheme they started in the early 1900’s.


Also if her parents want blow a wad on the wedding, ask for a down payment on a house, go to a JP and have a small house party with friends.

[quote=Mark Henry,Sep 9 2004, 12:18 PM] [/QUOTE]

To me the whole diamond thing is BS cooked up by Debeers, diamonds had nothing to do with weddings till a massive marketing scheme they started in the early 1900’s.
[/quote]

Couldn't agree more!!
The ultimate sham..."Show her you love her; buy her a diamond." This, from a TV commercial several years ago.

Try re-selling that (what they claim is an investment) diamond. You'll get next to nothing for it. Of course, diamonds are forever, right? Right!

Andy

i agree with your points, and only want to mention that the replacement stone was her idea, and she's very well clued into the gemology. as far as she's concerned, it's not a fake diamond, it's a real Moissonite. i think a gem-quality silicon carbide stone fits in perfectly with the hi-tech Ti and Pt setting ...

...and the new slogan, "Diamonds - take her breath away."

which as comedian Ron White points out, is just another way of saying, "Diamonds - that'll shut her up!"

financial standing is pretty good. not as good as i like it to be, but its good enough. and she thinks so too.

how when and where... im very creative, i wont let her down.

im only asking bc im not a native here in the US, for that matter, neither is she. so Im consulting american tradition and will fabricate my/our own traditions. imho, making tradition is way better than following tradtions.

i agree to a point, but traditions connect us to our cultural heritage. some traditions exist for better reasons than mere historical baggage.

by all means, go your own way and do what you want to do! but IMO that's a decision better made as an informed decision. so a bit of research and background investigation (as you're doing here) is a good thing.

by all means, buy at least one bride's magazine. NOBODY subscribes to those (okay - maybe if you're in the trade and make dresses or are a caterer or something...). but the point is, every one has the full checklist of stuff to consider. if you don't want to do that stuff, that's cool, but you'll at least have more confidence that you haven't overlooked something important.

and you can get quite a chuckle at the $15,000 dresses and the $65/plate catered sit-down reception dinners that very few people in the world actually do ...

Joy and i were married in October, so we did a big Oktoberfest reception at the house for our friends and the local PCA region - we had brats on the grill all day long !

yeah, thats why im reading everyone's reply with care. making sure i didnt miss anything that sounds like a good idea to me. im not creating totally new traditions, if i were, i wouldnt be asking for everyone's opinion here.

i know we're more then our cars, a lot of peole here have great/valuable opinions