The famous Enzo hose deserves its own thread:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eBayISAP...item=8040875409

Been asleep? That's our very own Howard's auction ........... The Cap'n

At least now I don't have to search for the link

QUOTE (Cap'n Krusty @ Feb 23 2006, 05:54 PM)

Been asleep? That's our very own Howard's auction ........... The Cap'n

yep....you even posted to the thread in which I posted the link...thanks for reading the replies

that is some good humor!

Only in California and on ebay. Looks more like a Fiat/Lancia radiator hose.
CCLINENZOMYHOSE

QUOTE

Will I be shunned like the people who do Chevy conversions?

THAT is "over the top" funny!!!!

Who's Enzo? Howard?

QUOTE

Q: If I win the item, do you think that keeping it in the front of my speedos when I'm at the beach will help me meet women? Feb-23-06  A: You just blinded my mind's eye. Thanks...    Q: Stop this madness! This 'hose' as you call it is a representation of the deity in our sacred religion - 'Hoseman'. To attempt to sell an image of 'Hoseman' is a blaspheme and insult to all our followers. Unless you cancel the auction at once, the wrath that will befall you will make Dutch cartoonists feel safe... 'Hoseman' has spoken. Oh mighty 'Hoseman'. Destroyer of Ferrari, deployer of airbag. We tremble before your tubular presence.   Feb-23-06  A: Let me get back to you. I need to call for backup. Where's Robin Williams when you need him?    Q: I never knew you could sell 'hose' on eBay...Imagine the possibilities...How do you do it? Feb-23-06  A: You guys hire the same writer?    Q: I imagine that's not the first 'hose' you have picked up on Decker...but is it the first you have tried to then sell?   Feb-23-06  A: 'Hoes'? I'm no pimp, ya know. Thanks for the straight line (again)    Q: I have a 'a2z Racer Gear' jacket. If I win will I be able to tuck this hose between my legs and dance around? Feb-23-06  A: Not when I'm around..    Q: Is this hose compatible with a MkV GTi? My fast wants me to bid on this hose. Feb-23-06  A: What's a MkV GTi?      Q: Do you have any idea what kinf of pressure this hose can handle? I would love to put it on my Honda turbo setup. Shoud give me at least 78hp. Feb-23-06  A: Allergic to rice. I wouldn't use it.    Q: My name Michael Schumacher and I am world champion seven times. I drive real Ferrari. I just want you to know that Mister. And I am richest man in Europe from sports. This year I pound on Fred, kimi and that Pablo boy. Mr. Sanchez say you have good parties in LA. Next time you can invite me? I like American womans. Feb-23-06  A: (theme from Twilight Zone playing) (fade to black)    Q: I was wondering if I could fit that hose on my motorcycle somewhere. Maybe some of the Ferrari ~energy~ will transfer to it. But then I thought, ~nawww... my bike's faster than any Ferrari anyway and was only 1% of the cost!~. Okay, here's the real question: What color is the inside of the hose? Feb-23-06  A: Pretty dark in there, but think it's black.    Q: My car is a 1967 Austin Mini Moke and has a robust 34hp engine, I was owndering not if the hose will make it go faster but if the hose will slow it down some more due to weight. How much does the hose weigh in milligrams? Feb-23-06  A: Wanna sell it or trade it for a hose?    Q: OK smart guy. Pellicano has your photo. He's gonna plaster it all over the Swedish Mafia Chat Board. NOW will you give us the hose?? --Dietrich Feb-23-06  A: Yes. Saturday.    Q: I have heard that you can make a 944NA into a 951 by replacing the coolant overflow tank cap from a 944NA with one from a 951. Will installing this hose make my 951 into a Ferrari? Will I be shunned like the people who do Chevy conversions? Feb-23-06  A: 1: No 2: Yes    Q: Does a Gizmondo come with it?I want one. http://biz.yahoo.com/e/060203/tgtl.pk8-k.html   Feb-23-06  A: No, does anyone have one?    Q: My name is Eric Fletcher. As you know, I invented heater hose along with most of the Enzo. I believe I have a patent on that part#. Could you simply give it back to me instead of me having to buy it or sue you? Thanks, Eric Fletcher Feb-23-06  A: Did you pay Al Gore for inventing the internet so you could write this? I think not!    Q: Greetings- In 1991 I got run down by a lady driving a Porsche 928S4 on PCH (out past Pepperdine, I was riding my bike) It was 10am and she was all goofy on Valium & wine. Do you have any parts from that accident? Perhaps a muffler? Thank you, Injured Tom Feb-23-06  A: Glad to hear you survived, but no, this was about 10 miles away.    Q: Are you willing to accommodate a PPI on this hose? Feb-23-06  A: Hose will be on display at the Starbuck's counter, Albertson's market, Westlake Village this Saturday 10-11am (if I am not arrested for removing evidence)    Q: If I add this hose to my 911, will I be viewed as (a) an iconoclatic outlaw like Steve McQueen or ( just a garden variety R Gruppe pinhead? Feb-23-06  A: Porsches Rule, Ferraris Drool. But 30/70 weight bias? Get a 914.      Q: Just wanted to say your a genius LOL -Srt10Forum Feb-23-06  A: You're too kind. And extremely perceptive, may I add.    Q: I always knew you were a hoser. Now I have proof. Get back to work and sell something people can really use, like car insurance. Feb-23-06  A: Just trying to keep my loss ratio down. And I'm not on the company payroll    Q: What is the diameter of the hose? I'm wondering if I can put it up someones nose. Thanks! Vinny Boberino Feb-23-06  A: Sorry, I responded to the one with your spelling error. No offense, Gumba?

Howard you've been mentioned on KABC channel 7 in LA.

Howard
your comebacks are great!

U should go pro!

QUOTE

Are you willing to accommodate a PPI on this hose?

QUOTE (Lou W @ Feb 23 2006, 05:26 PM)

Howard you've been mentioned on KABC channel 7 in LA.

Thanks for the kind words and great setup material. Hope I don't get zapped for this, but it's as much fun as the club used to be.

ABC wanted to send a camera crew out to interview me, I'm holding out for Leno.

And a girl I went to school with in Minneapolis (6th grade) saw it in the paper and called me. Hope she aged better than I did

Has Leno called you yet to come on the show?

Yeah, told him I would do it if he would loan me the C-GT for a long weekend. Said he would get back to me.





IN MY 'EFFIN DREAMS

70 questions to your auction! Do you even have time to sleep at night?
By far the funniest auction on EBay, period.

BJ

Some more Leno material for you...Tell them that you are part Canadian and therefore a natural hoser...take off eh!"

QUOTE (Howard @ Feb 23 2006, 05:56 PM)

Yeah, told him I would do it if he would loan me the C-GT for a long weekend. Said he would get back to me. IN MY 'EFFIN DREAMS

Leno has a enzio.....hold out till he takes you for a ride in his 914....


Great work Howard

Go here and suggest it. If enough people do then it's bound to happen.

I was going to send the link to some guys I work with, never got around to it. By the end of the day one of them sent it to me!

So Howard, apparently you've gone beyond Porsche and Ferrari and are now drawing in the NASCAR crowd.

i've never asked an ebay seller a question (until today). how does it work? they get the ? and decide whether or not to allow it in the ad?

k

Howard, your auction questions/answers are the funniest thing I've read in a while! One of my favorite comments was to the guy who called you a "bottom feeder"... classic!!!

That is classic!!! I always enjoy reading some of the questions people ask when bidding on strange stuff. This is by far the best yet...


Q: so you picked up a piece of hose on the road after an accident. You're a bottom feeding piece of shit dude, get a life.


A: May I assume you're not planning to bid?

Well, here's this morning's mail. Any of the 'bidders' sound familiar???

1. will this fit my colostomy bag? talk about faster excretions.....
From: acox914 (26) Respond above | Delete Feb-23-06

2. Jämmerlich Italiener Entwicklung. Die Autofahrer tat nicht durchfallen beherrschen des Auto , doch , die Auto kann nicht beherrschen die Autofahrer!!!! Ha ha ha!!!!!
From: sixt9coug (77) Respond | Delete Feb-23-06

3. Do I smell a snoop dogg remix coming?: 'Rolling down the street, smoking Enzo and sippin' on Jin and Juice'? and if so, is: 'His mind on his hose, and his hose on his mind'? hehe
From: 3asales (234) Respond | Delete Feb-23-06

4. Your answers are hilarious. Since I can't come up with a funny question, can you still come up with an answer that'll make us laugh?
From: sme61 (10) Respond | Delete Feb-23-06

5. i want to pimp my ride, but i'm not sure you're legitamate- are you pimping these hose on ebay? i want to bid but i'm afraid you'll be locked up after i pay for it and i'll never get to smack the hose.
From: imprezafan03 (24) Respond | Delete Feb-23-06

6. Hi. I raced him in my Mclaren!! I need this hose to prove to everyone I Am t3H f4st4r!!!!!!!! Only an SRT-4 is f45TaR than me but I'm still dreaming!!
From: sovietjet (65) Respond | Delete Feb-23-06

7. That is one very nice hose, My Subaru WRX has beaten a Ferrari in a race, does that make my hose more desireable than yours?
From: hifiwrx (82) Respond | Delete Feb-23-06

8. Can I really see it at starbucks 10 am sat?
From: kris8358 (0) Respond | Delete Feb-23-06

9. I admire you answering all those pathetic questions
From: mjdbmw (26) Respond | Delete Feb-24-06

10. Are you aware that Raël can clone you a new Enzo from the DNA of this hose ? He already cloned me a brand new 914 from a beetle window crank !
From: yegoutegou (296) Respond | Delete Feb-24-06

11. You have the audacity to ask - How do you roll it? Isn't that one of the Sheriff's questions?
From: racerkoi (614) Respond | Delete Feb-24-06

12. You might be able to make more money cutting this piece up into several smaller pieces for a dutch auction.
From: eahyland8401 (18) Respond | Delete Feb-24-06

13. In what year did the renowned Abstract-Expressionist painter Jackson Pollock die?
From: allrooooad (10) Respond | Delete Feb-24-06

14. i'm a little short of cash right now. new job and what not. is it ok if i continue to bid and if i win, (which i assure you, i intend to do!!) can i pay you in the near or not so near future. this would also include the actual shipping and handling costs, if there are any. do you accept personal checks? it should be good. if it's not, again, i will pay you in the near or not so near future. i promise. i want this part in the worst way!!!
From: rhodyboy2003 (3) Respond | Delete Feb-24-06

15. Is this autographed by Enzodude?
From: enriquejcu (31) Respond | Delete Feb-24-06

OMHMFG... I can't believe I just saw this.

FREAKIN Priceless Howie.

Howie - you are THE Master!


This has classic all over it!

M

How many bidders following the item ? ...

At this tima already seen 14000 time ... WOW !!!

Would someone fluent please translate this and add a funny reply?

2. Jämmerlich Italiener Entwicklung. Die Autofahrer tat nicht durchfallen beherrschen des Auto , doch , die Auto kann nicht beherrschen die Autofahrer!!!! Ha ha ha!!!!!

A happy man with a long hose:

Friday 9:38 and the bidding is nuts $100.00 as of now, Keep it up and buy a "new" 914

mike

you schmuck - post my question LOL

QUOTE (drew365 @ Feb 24 2006, 08:31 AM)

A happy man with a long hose:

Whatpaper is this from? I got to get a copy...
Howard would you autograph it for me?

QUOTE (Aaron Cox @ Feb 24 2006, 11:28 AM)

howard - are you able to see your feet when you lool down??

if its pictured its included right?

I got it Aaron, thanks

Trying to get auction revised, as soon as that's done I will post a smart ass reply to your smart ass question. Teach me to list something on ebay after 2 stoli's

QUOTE (Howard @ Feb 24 2006, 11:46 AM)

I got it Aaron, thanks Trying to get auction revised, as soon as that's done I will post a smart ass reply to your smart ass question. Teach me to list something on ebay after 2 stoli's

we kid cuz we care

QUOTE (Howard @ Feb 24 2006, 11:29 AM)

Would someone fluent please translate this and add a funny reply? 2. Jämmerlich Italiener Entwicklung. Die Autofahrer tat nicht durchfallen beherrschen des Auto , doch , die Auto kann nicht beherrschen die Autofahrer!!!! Ha ha ha!!!!!

from a free internet translator...obviously not the best translation but here goes-

Development miserable Italian. The drivers did not do control cannot control diarrhea the car, but, the cars the drivers

edit
another

Miserably Italian development. The drivers did not act fall through control of the car, however, the car cannot control the drivers

edit
last one

wretched Italian developmental. the motorist act not fall through rule of the motor-car , but , the motor-car cannot rule the motorist

QUOTE (rhodyguy @ Feb 24 2006, 09:59 AM)

i've never asked an ebay seller a question (until today). how does it work? they get the ? and decide whether or not to allow it in the ad? k

Yes, the seller gets the question. When they answer, they can decide if that question is posted as part of the ad, or just sent as an email to the bidder.

You know, I was just sitting here, eating a grilled cheese sandwich, when I remembered one (grilled cheese) selling for some absolutely isnane increment of money.

GO ON TV!!! Anyone who wants to interview you, do it! That damn heater hose could be your ticket to a 914-6!




Grilled cheese sandwich with Mary's face on it.
On display at some casino in Las Vegas. Payed a hundred thousand for it or something.

Damn there are people crazier than me! $100 + for a stink'n hose!

QUOTE (grantsfo @ Feb 24 2006, 02:49 PM)

Damn there are people crazier than me! $100 + for a stink'n hose!

Scary?? Bid is from an auction house so they are planning to resell..

Aaron, Slits, I responded to your questions so your names are now in lights. Not planning to answer any more..this crap never ends.

QUOTE (grantsfo @ Feb 24 2006, 03:49 PM)

Damn there are people crazier than me!   $100 + for a stink'n hose!

And how many bids came from 914club members ?

Greg ?

QUOTE (Howard @ Feb 24 2006, 06:56 PM)

Aaron, Slits, I responded to your questions so your names are now in lights. Not planning to answer any more..this crap never ends.

Old age must be getting the better of you. That wasn't Ron, it was me.

Oopsie! But thanks for asking

QUOTE (Howard @ Feb 24 2006, 02:56 PM)

QUOTE (grantsfo @ Feb 24 2006, 02:49 PM) Damn there are people crazier than me!   $100 + for a stink'n hose! Scary?? Bid is from an auction house so they are planning to resell.. Aaron, Slits, I responded to your questions so your names are now in lights. Not planning to answer any more..this crap never ends.

I was thinking of buying it and donating for next WCC as a boobie prize. ...But now its just silly.

And the beat goes on:
My dear friend,

I am the bereaved widow of Foday Sankow, the deposed leader of the Revolutionary United Front of Sierra Leone. My husband was an avid collector of Ferrari hoses and amassed a great number during his lifetime. I would like to transfer this collection out of the country but the new regime will only allow such items out of the country in even numbered lots, and I possess 749 such hoses. I propose that you send me your hose to complete the lot, and I will transfer 20% of the full collection to you. 70% will remain with me, and the remaining 10% of the hoses will be set aside for all expenses and modalities incurred during this transaction. I trust that you will keep this inquiry in the strictest confidence and look forward to your favorable reply.

QUOTE (Howard @ Feb 24 2006, 05:40 PM)

And the beat goes on: My dear friend, I am the bereaved widow of Foday Sankow, the deposed leader of the Revolutionary United Front of Sierra Leone. My husband was an avid collector of Ferrari hoses and amassed a great number during his lifetime. I would like to transfer this collection out of the country but the new regime will only allow such items out of the country in even numbered lots, and I possess 749 such hoses. I propose that you send me your hose to complete the lot, and I will transfer 20% of the full collection to you. 70% will remain with me, and the remaining 10% of the hoses will be set aside for all expenses and modalities incurred during this transaction. I trust that you will keep this inquiry in the strictest confidence and look forward to your favorable reply.

Oh my.. this is serious ebay hall of fame material.. When ebay is dead, gone and forgotten, people will still remember this auction "on that online auction site.. e-something"

Howard, allow me to volunteer my services (for a nominal 10% fee) to act on you behalf in the upcoming period of your life where you will need competent representation through an agent.

QUOTE (Headrage @ Feb 24 2006, 04:52 PM)

Howard, allow me to volunteer my services (for a nominal 10% fee) to act on you behalf in the upcoming period of your life where you will need competent representation through an agent.

Hey, Allan. You can have 10% of this action. Anybody know this guy???

just so you know, when i stated i wanted it in the worst way, I WAS SERIOUS!!! if i should have to resort to taking one for the team, should i presume that portion of the transaction would have to be completed in Westwood Village?
From: rhodyboy2003 (3)

Admin, would you please move this to the Sandbox?

Admins: Don't you dare!

QUOTE (Porsche Rescue @ Feb 24 2006, 07:31 PM)

Admins: Don't you dare!

why move this?

$152.50 and still 4 days left on it,, AMAZING